Festivals - A Warning

When I bought my ticket for V Festival I definitely romanticized the idea of going. The music, the people, the camping, the drinking and the food got me all excited. The amount of possible fun overwhelmed me - then it actually came to been there. Everything smacks you in the face. It isn't always fun, it is a lot of work. So as a guidance I thought I would inform some Festival Virgin's of the perils of festival life.

The Smell

Wherever you go, wherever you stand and no matter how you try and avoid it there is a smell that fills the air. The port-a-loos. They are disgusting. It is a box of shit. Yes, it gets emptied and sprayed clean regularly but it doesn't take away the smell. Infact the spraying they do just spreads all the 'stuff' around. Going to flush the toilet is always something I will prepare for now, after seeing a turd attached to the handle. 

The Port-a-loos

To some people, some disgusting people these aren't regular toilets. Some 'people' decide that aslong as their waste is somewhere within that space then its good. They will even walk out confidently and not even acknowledge you as you walk in after them. I have seen so many turds on a toilet seat now that it doesn't even affect me anymore. Also the crapper suddenly turns into something else for some people - a place to do drugs and a place to have sex. Seeing used condoms have become the norm. Apparently their tent just won't do.

The People

I completely understand that people are there to have fun, and God-willing so was I. Although there is a difference between some of us. Some of us can have fun whilst also having respect. To me throwing cups of piss isn't fun, pushing through people is not fun and been rude and obnoxious is not fun. We are all there to have fun and we all have paid for our ticket so a little respect is not too much to ask for. To the guy that did coke in the open and nearly pissed on our tent whilst butt-ass-naked should take note - more then a thousand people hate you.

The Cost

The choice of food is amazing. You can have food from any place on earth. You can eat like a King - aslong as you have the money of a King. I love Mexican food so you can understand the food-gasm I had when I saw the Mexican food truck. Fajitas, burritos, nachos oh my. I was gutted when I saw the price list. £8 for a single fajita - one wrap and a spoonful of chicken and vegetables. It was delicious but the taste of bitterness I had when I forked over the money lingered longer then the spices. Everything costs, its ridiculous. I easily spent £150 over 3 days - and I didn't even eat 3 meals a day.

The Fashion

Festival fashion is celebrated for its unique look. A mixture of styles and an opportunity to wear whatever you want to feel comfortable. All of this seems to have been lost amongst festival-goers this year. I was forever having to look in a different direction for fear of heaving. I like denim shorts don't get me wrong, paired with the right accessories and clothes they can look great. However, wearing them as what can only be described as underwear is not the right way. I am sorry to the ladies I am sure I am about to offend - please learn what size you are! Its easy, try a few different sizes and see which one fits, you won't have to constantly pull it out of your butt or va-jay-jay. To all the women who do know their size well done and thank you. 

To the men who still think its cute to wear character onesies - it isn't. To all the men who wear the man-kini - BORAT WAS 7 YEARS AGO! Women, don't wear a strapless party dress - you will regret it but you will have amazing upper arm muscles from having to pull it up every 6 seconds. Don't be an idiot and wear high heels - you know where you are! Leather pencil skirt? Seriously? And on a personal note, to the men with great bodies that go topless - please stop, my self loathing was peaking (also thank you for supplying the eye candy). Basically be comfortable, wear the oversized tee, wear the clothes that fit, wear a funky headdress, wear crazy make-up - people will judge you less for being smart in your choices. I saw too many crotches that weekend.