I am worth it, God-damn it!

I am not mad at women, I am just incredibly jealous. A woman can decide what her face looks like first thing in the morning, where as I am stuck with what The Good Lord blessed/cursed me with everyday. I am of course talking about make-up. Women can hide any blemish, skin colour variation and even spots with a dab of make-up - I cannot. I don't understand the double standard. Why can't men wear make-up in everyday society? If I was to go out and someone noticed that I had a full face of make-up; the ridicule I would face would hurt.

I am not saying that I want to wear coloured eye-shadows, thick eye-liner or a killer red lip. I just want concealer for men to be a thing. Make me look naturally blemish free. Is that too much to ask for? God has tested me by giving me patchy skin -  parts that are red and others that are pale white; they don't blend together and having rosy red cheeks at 24 isn't cute. I will admit that I have worn foundation before on nights out. It give me a little more confidence because I knew that I was photo ready - as drunk as I was I knew that my skin looked amazing. When I say photo ready I mean that my skin was one less thing to worry about - hair and body issues were still very prominent.

So women I tip my hat to you. You have the confidence to put something on your face and go out in to the world. Some may go overboard and some may not be sure what colours suit them - but at the end of the day you have done something that shows the world a little bit more of your personality. 'Maybelline' and 'L'oreal' get you shit together and get on that man make-up - I'm telling ya, put a sports star on it and you will make a shed load. I would like a cut of profits as this is my own money making scheme idea; because I am worth it, God damn it.

Craig's Big Reunion

So Itv2 have announced there will be a second season of 'The Big Reunion'. First of all they will do a season following the first bunch of bands and then a whole new crop will be announced. I can imagine we will probably see East 17 and a bunch of boy-bands that made the girls cry in the 90's. However, I feel like they should take advice from me. I am a voice that speaks for boys and girls alike after all. So I have picked 7 bands that will make the show epic, instead of a chorus of middle aged woman singing along to 'Stay Another Day' - they could showcase just how much talent has been forgotten. So, my 7 picks are as follows-

1. Spice Girls
These were the 90's, there is no one bigger or better. It would be quite a coup to get these ladies in one room for so long (they are all quite busy) and I am pretty sure they don't need the show as they could announce a tour tomorrow and it would be sold out the day after. Still throw some money at them and we could get some magic.

2. The Pussycat Dolls
Nicole and the girls were amazing. They pumped out song after song that everyone fell in love with (you would be surprised with how many words you know of theirs). The girls can put on a show with legs flailing everywhere and Nicole reaching those notes only she can. It would be nice to have all 6, but 5 will do - it has been 4 years, we have suffered enough without them.

3. S Club 7
I picked these even though I was strictly Steps back in the day. Their songs are catchy as hell and we all know the words. Some of us even know the dance to 'Reach' - just saying. I feel if they don't do something soon people will get over this nostalgia kick we all seem to be on and they will miss out on some serious dollar.

4. All Saints
They tried a reunion not long back but it didn't take off, even though I bought the album and it was really good. They were the smoother, cooler version of Spice Girls. 'Pure Shores' still remains as one of my favourite songs today. After Nicole's recent woes a nice tour would be good to get her mind off things.

5. Mis-Teeq
These were clearly our answer to Destiny's Child, and they didn't disappoint. I fell in love with their music almost as soon as I heard 'Why'. Alesha's MC-ing was amazing and I proudly still know most the words to them. Their songs were cool and slick with a nice RnB edge. I just hope Alesha hasn't got too big to play second fiddle to Sabrina.

6. Danity Kane
You may be asking yourself who these are. Well shame on you. I my self am so immersed in American pop culture I am willing to give you an education. This group was formed by Diddy for MTV's 'Making The Band'. They released 2 number 1 albums in America, but their time was cut short due to conflict with management and themselves. They have since announced they will be coming back as a foursome (without D. Woods) and I think this would be an amazing opportunity to finally make it in the UK. YouTube 'Damaged' or 'Bad Girl' to witness the magic of Danity Kane.

7. Cleopatra
I was in love with these sisters. I bought every single one of their singles and my Dad even stole a cardboard cut out of them from a music store for me. Cleo's voice floored me everytime, she recently tried out for 'The Voice' and got to the semi-finals. I feel this was beneath her and she could be doing so much more. If the group reunites they could show just how much our music scene has missed them. 'Touch of Love' truly shows off their vocals - listen and enjoy.

Friend's of Friends

'Friends' is without a doubt one of my favourite TV shows of all time. I literally watch it every day. I fall asleep to it every night. Without it on I can find it hard to fall asleep. Its like my night light and a distraction from thoughts at the same time. The 6 main characters are of course my favourite aspect of the show but one of the best features of the show are the guest stars. They bring the crazy and also it lets us see some of our favourite actors in a different light. These are my top 10.

10. Danny Devito - Roy, The Stripper

Rachel and Monica have to book a stripper last minute for Phoebe's bridal shower. Hilarity ensues as Roy walks through the door. Phoebe is of course disgusted but Roy has a sob story so the ladies allow him to perform one more time.

9. Winona Ryder - Melissa

Melissa is an old sorority sister of Rachel. Rachel reveals that Melissa and her both kissed, Phoebe does not believe so Rachel invites her along to dinner. Melissa denies before admitting that she is in love with Rachel and always has been. Also Rachel and Phoebe kiss at the end - something for everybody.

8. Susan Sarandon - Jessica

Jessica is the star of 'Day's of Our Lives' - unbeknownst to her she is being written out and her brain will be going to Joey's character. Favourite scene of this episode for me is when Rachel and Monica meet her and portray the perfect fandom moment.

7. Anna Faris -  Erica

Erica is the mother of the babies Monica and Chandler adopt. Anna brings the dumb southern girl and is funny doing it. Intertwined with Chandler's awkwardness around her and crazy stories of the potential fathers she became a favourite of mine.

6. Alec Baldwin - Parker

Parker is Phoebe's date to Monica and Ross' parent's anniversary party. His over the top happy personality was played amazingly by Baldwin. Everything he did was so funny including taking a mental picture to remember moments - also Chandler's reaction to been thumped in the arm by him made me chuckle.

5. Freddie Prinze Jr. - Sandy

Hired as Rachel and Ross' nanny, his over emotional and sensitive personality makes Ross very uncomfortable. He is a heart warming character and so lovable. His moments with Rachel and Joey are nothing short of special.

4. Reese Witherspoon - Jill

Rachel's spoiled sister appeared when their father cut her off after she brought her friend a boat. Rachel tries her best to change her ways and follow in the footsteps of the 'only daughter her dad is proud of'. Of course it fails, she ends up dating Ross and buying things with her father's money as she memorised his credit card numbers. A shame she wasn't in more episodes.

3. Brad Pitt - Will

He was Ross' best friend in High School. He was a bit of a hefer in school and comes back as a much more beautiful man (I can't believe he wasn't pretty as a fattie). It's revealed he hated Rachel (Jennifer was actually his wife at this time) and spread a nasty rumour about her having a small penis. One of the best Thanksgiving episodes of the 10 years.

2. Christina Applegate - Amy

Why she wasn't in more episodes or got her own spinoff I will never know. She was perfect and even won an Emmy for her part in the 2 episodes she stole the spotlight in. She was Rachel's other sister - just as spoiled as Jill and even ruder. I loved her, her fight with Rachel, piercing Emma's ears and calling her self 'Erin Brockovich' - she was everything. Little fact for you fact lovers - Christina was only bought in because Reese couldn't bring Jill back.

1. Maggie Wheeler - Janice Litman-Garelnick (née Hosenstein)

I don't know if she could be considered a guest star as she appeared in 19 episodes. Well anyway, I am in love with her. She was the best thing about all of her episodes. I love her accent and voice (I may stand alone with this thought). Introduced to us as Chandler's girlfriend she became so much more. I can't express how much I love her . Fun fact - on her last appearence in season 10 the audience had no idea she was going to appear, it is rumoured she received a 10 minute standing ovation when she entered, I would have happily clapped for 22 minutes.

Should Miley Stop?

I'll say it now, I am a fan of Miley. 'Hannah Montana' was the Disney generation after mine (I was strictly Lizzie and Raven) but it was hard to ignore the phenomenon. This young girl was thrusted in to our face and she was everywhere. She was the original Disney star to have the hit tv show, movie and music career all at one go.

'Hannah Montana' is now over and we are seeing the 'real' Miley. I wrote 'real' instead of real because it can seem like it is a lot. She has transformed. Anyone who is now only just being introduced to her would not believe she sang 'Best of Both Worlds' in a blonde wig and too many plastic accessories. She has now shaved her hair and lost a lot of layers of clothing. Side note - her body is amazing. She has brought the word 'twerk' to a wider audience and she is doing her. When she left Disney I thought that was when we saw who Miley really was. She released 'Can't Be Tamed', she became sexier and her songs were a bit more adult - little did we know this was just a taster.

In recent months she released 'We Can't Stop' and I really liked it (of course until it was played to death). The video was crazy. There is a lot going on - I have to admit I was contemplating a giant teddy bear backpack. She is having fun and we can't be mad at her. She isn't offending anyone, there are no naked pictures floating around and she hasn't said anything offensive. Instead she has used her platform to support gay rights and raise awareness to AID's. So should Miley stop? NO in capitol letters. She is making music no one has heard before, she has created her own style and she makes no apologies. A couple of things that could die down include 'twerking' (we get it, you can do it), her clothes are sometimes questionable and also she is oddly confident of her tongue (Google her and you will no doubt see half the pictures with her tongue out).

What spurred this blog post on was her performance at the MTV VMA's last night. It was interesting to say the least and no one will be talking about her pole dancing at the Teen Choice Awards a couple of years ago anymore. She owned the stage and you can tell she had complete control over the artistic direction. The teddy bears were back (yay), the nude latex outfit was on and she grinded on Robin Thicke. Her voice was flawless and the girl can work a stage. I probably won't feel the need to watch the performance again but I can guarantee it will be talked about for years to come.

She is just being Miley, sit back and enjoy.

P.S I am really enjoying her new song

Who Doesn't Love A Good Song And A Dance?

I really enjoy award shows, but the thing is I couldn't care less about the awards. Its the performances I love. The artists go all out and put on a 5 minute spectacle. The MTV Video Music Awards are showing on Monday and I am more than excited. With performances from Lady Gaga, Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus to look forward to. So I thought I would have a gander at some of my favourite past performances.

The best ones in my eyes are the ones that shock. With Lady Gaga on the roster we are almost guaranteed a few surprises. I am basing this on her record - once coming out dressed as her male alter-ego and another time where she appeared to kill her self on stage. Britney Spears doesn't come up short when it comes to the shocks. She has been known to dance with a python, strip off whilst singing a Rolling Stone's song and of course the kiss heard around the world with Madonna (everyone seems to forget Madge did the dirty with Christina Aguilera aswell). Justin Timberlake's face was my favourite bit from that entire performance.

Then there are the performance where artists take the opportunity to show what they got. Beyonce singing 'Love On Top' stopped me in my tracks - I think I even held my breath so I could listen with all I had. Eminem performing with Rihanna was also special - he will always be my favourite rapper. Also Eminem's debut performance with a hundred dopple-ganger's was something special.

Monday can not come soon enough. I am rather excited. I can't wait to see the red carpet. Most importantly you know the performances are going to be epic. Gaga and Perry are both using this opportunity to sing their new songs for the first time. Yay.

Check below to remind yourself of some special performances.

Fingers crossed no one jumps on stage to interrupt an acceptance speech (looking at you Kanye!)

#TeamApplause Vs. #TeamRoar

As a huge fan of pop music it was hard to ignore the battle that raged between Little Monsters and Katy Kats. Both Katy Perry and Lady Gaga's comeback singles were leaked on the same week. Lady Gaga introduced us to 'Applause' her first single from her new album 'ArtPop' and Katy Perry introduced us to 'Roar' her first single from her new album 'Prism'. Whilst no harsh words were exchanged between the two stars, instead opting to acknowledge their joint frustration with hackers, there has been huge competition between fans and it has widely been reported by media. Unfortunately for the Little Monster's of the world, the Katy Kat's came out in force and took the cherished higher position (neither one beating 'Blurred Lines' by Robin Thicke). To date 'Roar' has sold 557,000 copies in America and 'Applause' has sold a very respectable 218,000 units.

So as a fan I thought I would quickly review the singles and give my very 'important' opinion.

'Applause' - Lady Gaga

I have to admit I wasn't in love at the first listen. After all the build up for 'ArtPop' I was expecting a more artistic and alternative song to be debuted. Of course it is different to past hits like 'Bad Romance' and 'Poker Face' but it doesn't show a big detachment. There is an electro-dance beat that will keep the club lovers happy. This song will be very easy to dance to, as an amateur shape maker I could imagine myself getting down with my bad self with this song. However, for an artist so set on pushing boundaries she has come out with quite a generic pop song. A lot of the lyrics also don't make sense - almost as if she took influence from David Bowie's 'cut-up technique' in which he cut up a newspaper and picked his lyrics from that.
After listening to it more I am starting to love it. It seems to be quite a personal song and definitely says something that other people wouldn't say 'I live for the applause'. It is a statement a celebrity would not say as they don't want to appear shallow - Gaga doesn't care. I am looking forward to her album, if it follows this song then we can expect a great dance album, and at the end of the day music is supposed to move you, physically or emotionally.

'Roar' - Katy Perry

When I first heard this song I was one of those people - isn't this 'Brave' by Sara Bareilles? The theme and the sound are uncanny. I am going to trust that it wasn't plagiarism and just a weird coincidence. Sara can't be too angry as the comparison has seen an 80% rise in sales for her single in the past week. Anyway back to the review, I am a sucker for an anthem that promotes being proud of who you are and being strong. I really like this song - a whole lot. Katy's vocals are great. This song is definitely personal as it is highlighting her moving on from quite a lot of personal turmoil. However, we can all relate to it. We all have had our shit and we need a good song to remind us that we can still be a champion.
Just like for Gaga, I was expecting a detachment from the type of music we were already used to. All the promotion for 'Prism' seemed to show a darker and more deeper Perry. But why fix something that isn't broken? She broke records with 'Teenage Dream' and she has a fan base she know she can please. If I hear this song when I am out and about (and drunk) I will for sure be fist pumping along, screaming the lyrics with pride.

Conclusion

I like both songs. They are crowd pleasing and catchy. I for one will most definitely know all the lyrics to both of them whether its voluntary or not. They both give us a glimpse into what could be a couple of great albums. If I had to pick one I would have to pick Perry. It's just more my kind of taste, this isn't a loss for Gaga as I am yet to purchase either single (and I can't see me buying either).

Rules To Follow When Entering A Fast Food Restaurant

Having previously worked in a popular Fast Food Restaurant I feel that I am qualified to share some certain things that would make both the customer and the server have a more enjoyable day.

1. If you are in line for some time, please know what you want by the time you get to the front. 
Nothing annoyed me more then when I had a huge line behind a customer who didn't know what they wanted. They were stood in line for at least 5 minutes - what else were they thinking about!?

2. Don't be surprised by the price.
Every single thing was on a menu above my head! When it comes for me to tell you the price don't be shocked and don't ask me to break down all the individual prices.

3. If the toilet is locked the toilet is locked.
The toilet is usually locked for a reason. We weren't trying to be mean. If the restaurant is take-away only then we were not legally obliged to have a toilet.

4. There is a bin right by the door, use it.
This is not a high class restaurant. Everything you have is able to be thrown away. We didn't always have people on the seating area to clean so do the restaurant a favour and put your stuff in the bin.

5. Every joke has already been said.
I used to work in a popular sandwich shop, you wouldn't believe how many times I heard a 12 inch dick joke. Wasn't funny the first time or the 100+ times after. Just order your food, be pleasant and leave.

6. You be polite to the server, guaranteed you will get better service
Server's deserve respect, they are no lesser a person than you. They are doing a thankless job for minimum wage which I am sure most people can't and won't do. So respect them, don't piss off the person who is touching your food.

So, follow these simple rules and you will get better service. The people who are serving fast food more than likely hate their job (I know I did) and all they want to do is finish their shift whilst doing a good job. Make it easier for them by just being a decent person. Simple.