Pleasuring the masses

Before I start there will be a lot of people that will probably disagree with this post, people that know will probably think I am nowhere near a people pleaser. Well thats not how I feel, read on and you will see what I mean.

For years now I have felt a bit like a people pleaser, not in the brown nosing way. In the way where I hate disappointing people, where I don't like been in people's way and sometimes to the extreme where I would hide certain parts of my personality to fit in. In all honesty now, I am sick of it. I am going to be me, I am going to make me happy and I am not going to try and impress people anymore.

I have reached a point in my life where I have realised that I have done everything because thats what I thought I had to do, what was expected of me. Its lead me to quite a boring existence. I am still in education at 25 and studying something that right now I couldn't give two shits about. I will finish though, I have worked to hard and long for it - it will literally be the only achievement I will have had. When I look back it seems a lot of stuff I have done was pointless. For example I didn't need to do my A Levels - I followed my friends there as I didn't have a plan, I should have gone straight to art college.

My job is another place where I am sick of trying. For some reason I have been labelled lazy - I am not lazy. Yes, I will sometimes take a minute to talk to someone I work with, but my job never suffers and I will help other people with their jobs if they need it. I am always trying to be noticed by people at work but I'm not. They only notice my negatives. I don't want to sound big headed but there isn't many people at my job that can do some of the things I do well. I think from now on I will just go in, do my job and leave - pointless trying to impress someone who doesn't look out for it.

University is another place where I feel like I am not doing it for me. For instance I now know that I am on the wrong course with the wrong career choice. I know now that I won't use my degree to its fullest when I leave. I feel like I am quite a creative person, however there are too many rules that I have to design by - this isn't what I signed up for. I went to uni because I never saw another life for me, it was always in my plan and I never questioned it.

So, from now on I am taking a stand. I am only responsible for my happiness, no one else's. If I don't want to do something then I won't do it. Life is too damn short to be unhappy or trapped. As I type this I am doubting myself as I know I will be in uni tomorrow, which is the last place I want to be. Maybe I will have a change of heart soon, but who cares - its my life. Its my life to screw up, I don't have to answer to anything or anyone.