I Hate Having Morals

I have found myself caught in a bit of a moral conundrum. I won't go into details because I haven't decided what to do yet. I could end up really upsetting someone close to me, a really great friend. On the other hand I could make myself happy. I could get something I want but it could result in losing a friend - and to be honest I am conflicted.

The person I would be upsetting already has a lot anyway, they seem to be happy in their life - and me stepping out of it probably wouldn't affect them that much. This is probably a selfish thought of mine trying to justify an action I could possibly take. See what I mean though? I seriously don't know what to do. I have always had a strong philosophy of making yourself happy before anyone else. This doesn't mean that I ever want to be happy at the expense of someone else's happiness. I don't want to take away happiness.

I would consider myself a good person, this isn't me being big headed. I have a huge conscience, too much for a person I believe. I am the type of person that sprays fly spray at a fly and still secretly hope they get through it and fly away. The thought that I have inflicted pain on anyone kills me. I have huge guilt, even sometimes guilt by association. So to do something bad by choice would probably really upset me. So is it worth it? On the other side of the moral scale I could get something I have wanted for a while, achieve something that people never believe I could. I could experience a different type of happiness that I haven't before. 

I am not the one that starts drama. Do I love watching drama unfold? Yes. Do I love hearing about drama? Yes. Do I love being what the drama is about? Not in a million years. I want to be the type of friend that is trustworthy and caring. I want people to come to me with their problems, not be the reason that person has problems. 

I think I may have answered my own problem whilst writing this post. Having to think about it and put it into words has probably made me realise what is best. I don't ever want to upset anyone and more than anything I don't want someone to hate me. As much as I want to make myself happy; I couldn't bare been the one that makes someone else unhappy. I guess I'll just wait for my turn. 

Morals are a tricky thing, they are like finger prints - we all have different ones. I like to think I stand by mine which is making this choice hard. I want to go against them so bad just to see if something good could come from it. You may be thinking I should talk to the friend about it and see what they say - they might be okay with it. Knowing this person as well as I do I can categorically say they won't be happy about it, it could possibly ruin one of the best friendships I have ever had. I love this person like a sibling. I think I know what I should do. It just sucks. Fucking morals.

Robin Williams - A Quick Thank You

Two days ago we lost a great man. I don't know how official the cause of his death is but as I believe it was suicide. Many people will struggle with the thought of how someone who appears to have everything could do this to themselves. In our society we view money, fame and face value as been the epitome of happiness. However these things are all fake. These aren't things that make us who we are, these are just things we have or can get. Robin Williams is proof of this. A man that has made millions of people laugh struggled everyday with depression, he made billions at the box office, sold out stand up show after stand up show and without a doubt will forever remind people of the happier moments of their childhood.

So the point of this post is to thank him. Whatever struggles he may have had in his life, it never stopped him. Yes, he had to work like the rest of us to make a living, but he could have done anything. He chose to give himself to the public as an entertainer. And what a hell of an entertainer he was. He made us laugh and cry for all the right reasons, when he wasn't playing a character he was still entertaining us with interviews and appearances. He will go down as one of the greats whether we remember him as an alien called Mork or a Father who dresses as a woman to see his kids and called himself Mrs Doubtfire. We all have a place in our heart for one his characters. Mr Williams was harmless, he never offended anyone publicly. He just beamed happiness and love.

It is absolutely heartbreaking that he wasn't actually happy. He struggled with an illness that is so hard to understand unless you are suffering or around someone suffering. One thing that people need to know is that depression is not a flaw in character, it is a flaw in chemistry. I find it so hard to get my head around the fact that his only choice was to end it all. He didn't see any other way to escape it. I got very emotional at the idea that someone, anyone could think this way.

Once again thank you. Thank you Mr Williams. We are forever in your debt for the years of entertainment, the childhood memories and for creating an escape for us all when we don't want be distracted by real life anymore. I only wish that you are finally at peace. Also even in your last act you are helping people. You have made a taboo subject a part of conversation all around the world. Maybe just maybe because of you, people will seek help and support.

I am gutted that we only have four movies left of his to experience for the first time. However we will always have the memories. Thank you Robin, I sincerely hope you are now at peace.