All I Have To Do Is Dream

I have a real love/hate relationship with dreams. 

I can have the best dreams, the ones that make you wake up with a smile on your face, the ones that make you think about things. My mind can wander at the best of times, so when it is given full reign of my thoughts it just takes off. I have found myself in zombie attacks, hostage situations, Hollywood parties, TV shows (been a cast member of Keeping up with the Kardashians was a particular favourite) and so many more scenarios. I also have the dreams which show my normal life back to me with some highlights, I like these. I have the worst memory so its nice to see them played back in HD - it's like Emma Willis is showing me my 'best moments' after I left the Big Bro house.

Then there are the horrid ones, and I'm not actually talking about nightmares. I absolutely hate the dreams that show what you can't have. It makes sense you dream about them because at the late point in the night when it's just you and your thoughts left, it is what you think about (unless you are content in life I guess). For example I thought I was over a crush I had, then I had the dream - damn, kick in your crotch, spit on your neck fantastic. Dreams really do affect your day don't they? You can't stop thinking about them. You have those realisation moments where you realise it was just that - a dream. 

Dreams are a magical thing, if I start to think too much about them my face looks as puzzled as it did when I tried watching Game of Thrones for the first time. Like, how does the mind work? How are we able to think in our sleep when technically we are recharging? I am sure there is a medical/scientific reason behind it all but for right now I am going to go with the magic theory I have. I love a good dream, its a movie that only I get to see. I just wish you could pick which type you could get, like the Netflix homepage - pick which genre I fancy that night, because I tell ya I don't want any dreams like I had the other night about the crush - put me in a mood for at least 17 hours. 

'Dreams are illustrations from the book your soul is writing about you' - Marsha Norman

I Hate Me

I don't actually hate myself. Disappointed? Yes. Angry? Yes. Annoyed? Yes. Sometimes it can seem like insecurities take over my thoughts the majority of the time. You hear a story about someone's successes, you see someone who is beautiful, you do something wrong - the insecurities just come and slap you in the face. It really hurts your confidence when you constantly never feel good enough.

Lately I have been feeling insecure about a lot of things. At work I don't feel good enough, I try my best and it doesn't feel enough, so I stop trying and then I am even worse at the job. Also when it comes to people, I don't feel good enough. I don't have the looks that I want, I don't have the body that I want and I sure as hell don't have the personality I want. I know you are supposed to be happy with what you have, and if you don't like it then you should change it. It is easier said than done. I guess sometimes even though you hate parts of yourself, you settle and you accept them. We force insecurities on ourselves sometimes.

People that know me may think that I am quite a confident person, but a lot of times I do fake it. Its easy to be the happy, jokey guy than to show how you really feel. I mean sometimes it slips out and I am asked to smile at work a lot. Sometimes you don't want to smile. And this isn't a woe is me kind of post, I am pretty sure we all do it.

An insecurity can raise it's ugly head in many ways. Sometimes it appears and you shut yourself off. You stay quiet and observe the better way people are leading their lives, but sometimes it can make you fake it. Fake it in a good way or a bad way. The good way is when you fake the confidence you don't have, you think to yourself that as long as other people can't tell you insecure than you actually aren't. The bad kind of faking it is when you over compensate. You aren't happy in a situation so you become overly happy, you aren't that successful so you lie. These are traps though and probably make you feel worse at the end of the day when it is just you and your bed for company.

I want to change, almost in every aspect of my life. I am not pleased with the way things are turning out, I have made some major life decisions over the last year and have said no to things that don't make me happy. I know a lot of people (including close friends) think I am stupid for quitting certain things, but that is one thing I am not insecure about - the power of no is a magical thing that we should incorporate in our lives. I am now ready for bigger things to happen, right now I feel like I am at the bottom of the heap. I am 25 and I feel like I have had to start over, that is something I am insecure about because people younger than me are successful.

I hate being insecure, to the point where I am insecure about my insecurities. I don't want people to know I am uncomfortable in certain situations or conversations. I don't lie or overcompensate for anything though, just keep it to myself. This is probably not healthy but its a coping method that I think a lot of us have. I am going to try and not compare myself - easier said than done. You always want more and always feel like you lack in certain areas of life. If I could give any advise it would just do you, be happy with what you got and change what you haven't. Someone out their loves you for you.

Why we should all be a little more Jennifer Lawrence

If you haven't been charmed by the beautiful Jennifer Lawrence then you must simply be heartless. She is a warm, intelligent, talented, beautiful and charismatic actress. Every role I have seen her in she just shines. And normally I am quite bitter when it comes to people younger than me been successful, but with her it doesn't seem to bother me (as much).

 There are quite a few things that we can learn from this young woman and here are 5 quotes that would benefit us greatly if we took them to heart.

1. Jennifer on her 'weight'

'I don't really diet or anything. I'm miserable when I'm dieting and I like the way I look. I'm really sick of all these actresses looking like birds... I'd rather look a little chubby on camera and look like a person in real life, than look great on screen and look like a scarecrow in real life.' 

We always hear stars saying that they live these healthy lifestyles, how refreshing is it to hear one of the world's most famous actresses actually say what we want to hear.

2. Jennifer on mental health

'It's just so bizarre in this world; if you have asthma, you take asthma medicine. If you have diabetes, you take diabetes medicine, but as soon as you have to take medication for your mind it's...there's such a stigma behind it.'

When she speaks, she only speaks the truth. The lack of filter on her mouth truly makes her brilliant. I can't imagine how many people this helped - to be acknowledged and supported by someone like her.

3. Jennifer on acting
“Not to sound rude, but [acting] is stupid. Everybody’s like, ‘How can you remain with a level head?’ And I’m like, ‘Why would I ever get cocky? I’m not saving anybody’s life. There are doctors who save lives and firemen who run into burning buildings. I’m making movies. It’s stupid.’”
One thing we all love about her is is her honesty. It's so great to see someone in the business who actually is aware.

4. Jennifer on money
“I like the financial security because I know how hard it is for so many people who struggle to earn a living. I’m grateful I don’t have to worry about money and I can live very freely and do something I love and get paid very well to do it. I tell my friends to slap me if they ever think I’m getting full of myself.”
She is so aware of everything, she fully understands how great some parts of her life are and yet when she says it we don't actually hate her for it.

5. Jennifer on being starstruck
“Once I’m obsessed with somebody, I’m terrified of them instantly. I’m not scared of them — I’m scared of me and how I will react. Like, for instance, one time someone was introducing me to Bill Maher, and I saw Meryl Streep walk into the room, and I literally put my hand right in Bill Maher’s face and said, ‘Not now, Bill!’ and I just stared at Meryl Streep. [...] I just creepily stared at her.”
Okay, hands up ... isn't this exactly what you would do if you saw Meryl Streep!

This is quite a short list about how and why I love Miss Lawrence! She is honest to the point that sometimes you don't know if she is saying something for effect; but really with her we know she isn't. She is hilarious, all you have to do is watch an interview with her. She is crazy talented and if you don't agree she has 67 awards for acting you can argue with. She is only going to get better and bigger. I see more Oscar's for her and more inspiring roles for her to take over.

Jennifer I bow down to you, please stay you amazing self, don't let the bastards get you down and keep on shining.