2015 - A New Me (A Cliché)

HAPPY NEW YEAR folks! It has slowly crept up on us and then smacked us in the face, 2014 is over and we have to welcome a new year in to our lives. I personally haven't gotten used to writing 2014 as a date and now I have to change that. I feel after school the years don't matter as much, its just another year - not a whole lot changes from December 31st to January 1st.

2014 wasn't a particularly big year in my life, yeah I finished university but that was kind of it. I tried dipping my toes in a career but it didn't work out. I am not bitter about, it is what it is. I floated through 2014 if I am honest. I had no direction and just took things as they came. I am someone that doesn't plan anything, plans scare me - I don't like been tied to anything, and I feel having a plan is way too structured.

However as cliché as it sounds I am going to make a change. People may scoff at others that take a new year as a chance to change things, but for me I think its a great starting point. It's a perfect day to sit and reflect and give yourself the little jump off that you need. Figure out what went wrong (or right) and make the next choices relevant for you. I don't want to call them resolutions because knowing me I will probably fail, but I am making decisions about my life and what better day then January 1st to initialise them.

Diet
It has always been a dream of mine to be vegetarian, I feel like I have the mind of a vegetarian but the stomach of a cave man. I love meat - chicken, lamb, fish give me all of it. Its delicious. However I am an animal lover at heart and I have read and seen too many things about animal treatment that it guilts me. One day I plan on going the whole hog and becoming vegan, but baby steps. Also another diet change that isn't just a choice but very much required is a lot less sugar. I am a diabetic and I eat and drink sugary things like I am Augustus Gloop.

Exercise
I might start doing it.

Smoking
Stop.

Money
I never save money, if the money is in the bank it isn't there for long. I need to start putting some away for a rainy day. When you can buy a new outfit or book on the toilet it is hard. For some reason I am one of those people that buy things not to use them for their intent or purpose, but for the pure fact I want to own it. I have clothes and books that haven't seen daylight - I just want to own them. So I think now I am going to put a small percentage away.

Travel
I haven't seen past these shores for 8 years and it kills me. I am nostalgic of places I have never seen. I want to see things in real life instead of through a screen. My plan is to at least get out of this country twice this year. One of my plans have fell through but I am not going to let it stop me. Bon voyage.

Career
First of all I want to decide which career I want. Then aim for it. I walk aimlessly through life and wonder why I didn't get anywhere. I love to write in all different formats so maybe look in to that. I have fashion experience so maybe look in to that. I love all forms of media so maybe look in to that.

Other things I want to do is reconnect with old friends, read more books (that are currently gathering dust under my bed), expand my movie knowledge and lose a shit tonne of weight. So, good luck to all my fellow life changers. Lets do this and ignore all the haters and doubters. So what if we fail, who gives a fuck.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T - Find out what it means to Me

One thing that is very important to me is respect. We all have the ability to give it and we should all strive to receive it. However, lately I have been struggling with respect a lot.

I constantly try my best at what I do, wether it be a friend, an employee or a member of a family but I am struggling. I often feel like I am not respected. I don't know if it is something I am doing wrong. I don't feel like I am doing anything wrong, I kind of feel that I am not appreciated because I don't stand out or I haven't changed my ways in a long time, people have gotten complacent with me.

I feel like I am quite a respectful person. I listen to everyone, I do as I am told and I try my best not to hurt anyone. I think that is just the basics of been a good human being. Sometimes though I just feel like if I wasn't there (wherever 'there' may be) it wouldn't make much of a difference. I am like a supporting character in a sitcom. I could be taken out and nothing would change. My problem comes from the fact that I like to shine, I like being the centre of attention. As big headed as that may sound, just ask yourself - don't you like attention for all the good things you do?

I don't want the sun to shine out of my arse, I don't want constant praise but it would be nice to get some reassurance sometimes. Just to be told that I am a good friend, or that I did a good job. I am rereading what I just wrote and I know I am coming across a bit moany, but it is something that has been weighing on my mind recently. I have noticed a lot lately that sometimes when I speak it isn't even acknowledged. I will be the only one saying something or asking something and there will be no reply - as if it was dead silence when I opened my mouth. I am just a normal person that likes to be heard and someone who likes to be re-assured when they do something well and given constructive criticism when I am not.

I suffer a lot with self confidence, if you know me you may be giving me the side eye right now as I can come across as a bit loud, sarcastic sometimes - but it is an act. I have been doing it my whole life because it comes easy to me. It is easier for me to be the joke then it is for me strive to be something that I am not. So this is where respect becomes a must for me, I want to be respected for what I do, so maybe I don't have to be so loud and annoying.

I had a job recently, and it was my review. There was not one comment about the work I did - instead I was pulled apart for my appearance and personality. And it wasn't work based opinions, it was her personal opinion. Where was the respect in that? She wasn't giving me anything constructive, just plain telling me everything she didn't like about me. That was a few months ago and it has stuck with me, like I said before I don't want people bowing down and kissing my arse, I just would like to be acknowledged and respected. You don't have to like me, but you will respect me.