I Love Me

My last post may have sounded a tad self-negative. It's just that insecurities can control me sometimes. However, on the other hand there are things that I am not so negative about, we all have things about ourselves that we are happy with. I know a lot of people that are unhappy with themselves and they will point out all their flaws in front of me and I just want to shake them and tell them to snap out of it. I see perfection in all my family and friends and it annoys the crap out of me when they can't see it.

There is beauty in everyone, it can physical beauty (the lucky bastards) or it can be inner beauty. I know we are all told that it is inner beauty that counts by our mothers but I think that it is true. I may be biased as I am lacking in the outer beauty department - I think God looked the other way when I was created. However some of the most beautiful people to me are the ones that show it in their actions or personality. Anyone who shines from the inside has this aura about them that I respond to, I think I can read a person pretty well and I have surrounded myself by the most beautiful, kind, thoughtful people on this green earth.

It breaks my heart when my friends point out their flaws because if I thought for one second that they hated something about themselves I have a million counter arguments. Some of my friends and family may suffer from issues like depression or anxiety and they may get down on themselves a lot of the time but I want them to know that they are beautiful to me, the way they deal with things when it can be struggle is a pure example of a beautiful person. I love you if you are reading this. I hope one day you can love yourself.

Yes, we all want to be better looking and want the perfect appearance that has been shoved down our throat by society or our own demons but you don't need to. You are you, accept it because if I know you than I know for sure you don't have to change. Don't change for anyone, not even your own insecurities. You have been moulded by your experiences, your choices, your lack of your choices and they equal a complete person. Do not chase people, work hard and be you. The sad fact is that not everyone is going to love you in this world and this is ok, it is more important to love yourself before anyone else.

Colbie Caillet, Beyonce, Meghan Trainor and John Legend have just all released songs about self love that I think all self doubters should hear. I will post them below. Anyone who is down on themselves please take this in - Love yourself, without your flaws you wouldn't be you. And I love you.

 

I Hate Me

I don't actually hate myself. Disappointed? Yes. Angry? Yes. Annoyed? Yes. Sometimes it can seem like insecurities take over my thoughts the majority of the time. You hear a story about someone's successes, you see someone who is beautiful, you do something wrong - the insecurities just come and slap you in the face. It really hurts your confidence when you constantly never feel good enough.

Lately I have been feeling insecure about a lot of things. At work I don't feel good enough, I try my best and it doesn't feel enough, so I stop trying and then I am even worse at the job. Also when it comes to people, I don't feel good enough. I don't have the looks that I want, I don't have the body that I want and I sure as hell don't have the personality I want. I know you are supposed to be happy with what you have, and if you don't like it then you should change it. It is easier said than done. I guess sometimes even though you hate parts of yourself, you settle and you accept them. We force insecurities on ourselves sometimes.

People that know me may think that I am quite a confident person, but a lot of times I do fake it. Its easy to be the happy, jokey guy than to show how you really feel. I mean sometimes it slips out and I am asked to smile at work a lot. Sometimes you don't want to smile. And this isn't a woe is me kind of post, I am pretty sure we all do it.

An insecurity can raise it's ugly head in many ways. Sometimes it appears and you shut yourself off. You stay quiet and observe the better way people are leading their lives, but sometimes it can make you fake it. Fake it in a good way or a bad way. The good way is when you fake the confidence you don't have, you think to yourself that as long as other people can't tell you insecure than you actually aren't. The bad kind of faking it is when you over compensate. You aren't happy in a situation so you become overly happy, you aren't that successful so you lie. These are traps though and probably make you feel worse at the end of the day when it is just you and your bed for company.

I want to change, almost in every aspect of my life. I am not pleased with the way things are turning out, I have made some major life decisions over the last year and have said no to things that don't make me happy. I know a lot of people (including close friends) think I am stupid for quitting certain things, but that is one thing I am not insecure about - the power of no is a magical thing that we should incorporate in our lives. I am now ready for bigger things to happen, right now I feel like I am at the bottom of the heap. I am 25 and I feel like I have had to start over, that is something I am insecure about because people younger than me are successful.

I hate being insecure, to the point where I am insecure about my insecurities. I don't want people to know I am uncomfortable in certain situations or conversations. I don't lie or overcompensate for anything though, just keep it to myself. This is probably not healthy but its a coping method that I think a lot of us have. I am going to try and not compare myself - easier said than done. You always want more and always feel like you lack in certain areas of life. If I could give any advise it would just do you, be happy with what you got and change what you haven't. Someone out their loves you for you.

Return Of The Girlbands

For a while it seemed like Little Mix and The Saturdays were having to hold the fort down when it came to girlbands. However we can now all take a joint sigh of relief - we have some more girlbands breaking through. There has always been a hole in the music industry where girlbands just couldn't make the cut. Ever since the Spice Girls, Sugababes, Pussycat Dolls, Destiny's Child and Girls Aloud all left us to fend for ourselves we have needed a group of females to come out and kick the boyband's arses. Little Mix and The Saturdays have done a dame good job but they need a little help. And lets face it, The Saturday's next album is a Greatest Hits, this is normally the beginning of the end. They will say that they are going on a break and we all know what that means. The Spice Girl's break lasted 7 years and they only came back with one single and one tour, Girls Aloud's break lasted 3 years and they only came back with one single and one tour and Destiny's Child's break is currently on it's 7th year. 

So now we have a bunch of new ladies ready to take the stage. I have shortlisted 4 girlbands that I am quite excited about. Lets go -

Neon Jungle

This british 4 piece have already made waves with two singles in the top 10 and a 3rd released this week already in the iTunes top 10. I like these girls because they have an edge about them. They aren't singing your generic pop music, they have more of a dubstep vibe about them. Although saying that my favourite song so far is 'Louder', its a pop ballad that really showcases their voices. And yes, all four of them can sing. I was a bit unsure of them when I first heard them with their song 'Trouble' as I wasn't quite sure why they were shouting at me, but I have warmed to them in a big way and I am very excited for their album.

M.O

Another british band we should be taking notice of. Once again they are taking a step away from the happy pop music and they are bringing a more urban vibe. I first heard them as a soundtrack on a TV show and had to find the song instantly. The song was 'Ain't Got Time', the chorus was so catchy and I guarantee that with one listen you will be singing the words as you walk around town. The single didn't do great in the charts but I am happy to say it hasn't stopped them, they are releasing new music and videos as I type.

Fifth Harmony

You may already know who these are as they were finalists in last years The X Factor US. They were put together on the show after all auditioning solo, and what a great idea it was (except maybe Camila, she kind of shines on her own). I fell in love with their voices straight after hearing them sing Shontelle's 'Impossible' - if you get the chance YouTube it. They released a couple of songs after leaving that were extremely pop and sold them to a tween market. However their latest single 'Bo$$' is showing some growth, some may argue too much growth but at the end of the day they aren't stepping on Miley's toes with this song - its fun, very powering for a female and a good time.

GRL

I can almost guarantee that you have heard these ladies sing, or at least one of them. These are the five girls singing behind Pitbull in his song 'Wild Wild Love' and the blonde lady is the singer on LMFAO's single 'Party Rock Anthem'. However they no longer have Feat. infront of their names and they have released music on their own. There has been a lot of comparison to the Pussycat Dolls - it's an easy one to make as they have the same creator, Miss Robin Antin. And to be honest I don't think they should be judged for this, the Pussycat Dolls are no longer around so why not bring 5 fresh faces to come and fill the void. They are fun and I absolutely love their latest single 'Ugly Heart'. I have a feeling these grl's will be around for a bit, I mean Britney Spears has already given her approval and who are we to argue with Queen Pop herself.

People Change: How To Deal With It

The great Leslie Knope once said 'Every time a couple gets married, two single people die', and boy how true this is. When your friends suddenly find someone to have a relationship with everything can change. It can be hard on the friend left behind though, as happy as you are for your friend you can't help but feel replaced. I am a survivor of such a problem so I thought I would impart some knowledge on you folks.

My first piece of advise would be to accept it. The quicker you accept the change the happier you will be. If you used to speak everyday, this will change. If you used to hang out a lot, this will change. It can't be stopped because suddenly your friend has someone else who will take up a lot of their time. They are trying to build a future together and as harsh as it can sound - you are in the way. Before your friend would text you with every musing they have and every issue they have - but now they don't need you anymore.

You may felt you are the one person that knew everything about your friend when they were single, you aren't that person anymore. Let it go. You will always have a bond with your friend if you truly love each other, but now someone has one upped you. They will get to know this person on a whole other level than you never will. This is one of the hardest things to deal with because you will instantly feel like you have been pushed back. Again acceptance is your friend in this situation. It is not the same anymore.

You have to try your best not to be bitter. Yes things have changed, but for your friend that have got a hell of a lot better. Your life hasn't changed for the better, but thats ok. Better to have one miserable person in this world than having two. Relationships take work and time, time they will take away from you. You now have been given the gift of time, not a great thing but maybe you can concentrate on other friends, or maybe even get a hobby.

There is no way around it, it sucks. In life things will change without your consent. It can't always be the same, and you have to acknowledge that so you can give yourself the power to move on with things. That person is still your friend but it isn't the same anymore. I know from experience that as much as they text/call less as time goes by so will you. You don't want to feel like your annoying or getting in the way. You don't want your friend's partner to resent you for taking time away from them - they are more important than you unfortunately.

I think the message of this post is acceptance. Things change. People change. Situations change. You have to roll with the punches - even if the punches hurt.

More Like Him

I may not be the manliest of men, I don’t fit the criteria that is often expected of a penis owner. However I do think I have one thing in common with a large part of the man race - insecurities. We all see every single day a new study, a magazine article, a news bulletin all about female beauty and how society is killing women because they can’t meet these standards - but we never/rarely hear about how society judges a male appearance in the same way. You have probably never seen an article about how we need to see more ‘real’ men on the covers of magazines or in movies, yet you can’t flick through a female magazine without seeing someone mention how real women aren’t represented in media. The latest Dove soap commercials all feature ‘real women’, magazines are celebrated when they put a ‘real woman’ on the cover and female TV stars are applauded when they come out and announce that they love their bodies the way they are.

It isn’t the same for men though. If a man puts on weight then the thought of the nation is that he has just given up on life. Almost every advertisement for a male product is fronted by the ‘ideal man’. He has washboard abs, a jaw that could cut glass and the perfect quaffed hair. Nothing is said about this. The only advertisements that feature slightly chubby men are adverts that are trying to be funny, like beer or pasty advertisements. Even an advert that advertises clothes for the ‘larger’ man feature a sports star who only fits the criteria because he is tall. Men that don’t meet the male beauty standard are always cast as the best friend or the man with unrequited love in film and TV, when they do eventually find love in these shows/films it is applauded because he beat the odds, not because the guy got the girl.

In recent years eating disorders amongst boys and men has sky rocketed, but not much is said about it - instead they will use it as shock statistic when they are doing a piece about eating disorders in a general way. I read somewhere that boys were killing themselves to look like the guys in ‘300’. It’s disturbing that this wasn’t talked about as much. I am not blaming the creators of ‘300’ for perpetrating this myth that men should look like this because in this story these warriors would look like this. It isn’t just that film that shows off men’s bodies this way that was purely just an example of something I found. Almost every leading man in a film or a TV show is a good looking man, a thin/buff man.

I am not going to get out my soap box and demand that all men should be represented, because no doubt someone will come along and push me off it with facts that argue mine. This is just something I have noticed. I don’t want overweight men to become a norm because that would just highlight an unhealthy lifestyle, what I do want is for it to become more freeing for men to get the help they need. When they see these men in media they need to know that it would have taken months of intense training to look this way and a very strict diet, it isn’t something that is achievable for all men. There are so many images out there of these men that all look great, like they never stepped out of a gym, we can’t all live in a gym - some of us would prefer to be at home and putting the dinner on.

This comes from a personal view because I spend too much time obsessing over men that I will never look like. It takes up much more time then it should, sometimes I even get thoughts that I will need to look a certain way to achieve certain things in life, like love or a career - and isn’t that just sad. I should be happy with what I was given but I am not. I see Zac Efron and Harry Styles (not blaming them for anything) and I want to look more like them. I want to be able wear a t shirt and not be pre-occupied with how my boobs will look in it. I want to be able to wear any clothes and feel comfortable enough to go outside in them, I think my family will agree that I dress a lot differently in the house then I do outside.

We are all celebrating the slow changes in media for representation of women, I would just like the same to happen for men. Abs do not equal beauty, the perfect tan does not equal beauty, the perfect hairline does not equal beauty. Men come in all shapes and sizes and as we age our shapes and sizes all change. I would like to see a wider range of healthy men to be represented in media, we need the pressure taken off us just like our female counterparts.

'Skinny guys are seen as weak. Bald guys are emasculated and impotent. And so it goes, men chase the unattainable standard of beauty portrayed in the media as well. We spend billions of dollars with the hope that we will be desirable and accepted by society, only to find out it’s never good enough.’ - V Pauni