One thing that is very important to me is respect. We all have the ability to give it and we should all strive to receive it. However, lately I have been struggling with respect a lot.
I constantly try my best at what I do, wether it be a friend, an employee or a member of a family but I am struggling. I often feel like I am not respected. I don't know if it is something I am doing wrong. I don't feel like I am doing anything wrong, I kind of feel that I am not appreciated because I don't stand out or I haven't changed my ways in a long time, people have gotten complacent with me.
I feel like I am quite a respectful person. I listen to everyone, I do as I am told and I try my best not to hurt anyone. I think that is just the basics of been a good human being. Sometimes though I just feel like if I wasn't there (wherever 'there' may be) it wouldn't make much of a difference. I am like a supporting character in a sitcom. I could be taken out and nothing would change. My problem comes from the fact that I like to shine, I like being the centre of attention. As big headed as that may sound, just ask yourself - don't you like attention for all the good things you do?
I don't want the sun to shine out of my arse, I don't want constant praise but it would be nice to get some reassurance sometimes. Just to be told that I am a good friend, or that I did a good job. I am rereading what I just wrote and I know I am coming across a bit moany, but it is something that has been weighing on my mind recently. I have noticed a lot lately that sometimes when I speak it isn't even acknowledged. I will be the only one saying something or asking something and there will be no reply - as if it was dead silence when I opened my mouth. I am just a normal person that likes to be heard and someone who likes to be re-assured when they do something well and given constructive criticism when I am not.
I suffer a lot with self confidence, if you know me you may be giving me the side eye right now as I can come across as a bit loud, sarcastic sometimes - but it is an act. I have been doing it my whole life because it comes easy to me. It is easier for me to be the joke then it is for me strive to be something that I am not. So this is where respect becomes a must for me, I want to be respected for what I do, so maybe I don't have to be so loud and annoying.
I had a job recently, and it was my review. There was not one comment about the work I did - instead I was pulled apart for my appearance and personality. And it wasn't work based opinions, it was her personal opinion. Where was the respect in that? She wasn't giving me anything constructive, just plain telling me everything she didn't like about me. That was a few months ago and it has stuck with me, like I said before I don't want people bowing down and kissing my arse, I just would like to be acknowledged and respected. You don't have to like me, but you will respect me.
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