Quitter

Yes, once again I have left a job. If anyone knows me then they are sure to say 'again?'. Yes! Again. I have quite a rap sheet of different jobs in my ten year working career. I have worked in places from anywhere between 7 weeks and 5 years. I have made sandwiches to listening to hear people complain about their phone contracts. I have sold beauty products to handling million pound business accounts. I have had my fair share of jobs, however I have only ever quit a job once without having another job lined up (the job I quit was soul destroying). I have also never been fired.

People make think (and have often commented) I am just a quitter, that I am not loyal and also that they can't believe that I am hireable after having so many jobs. Shut up. I don't see myself as a quitter. No two jobs have ever been the same. You know what I see myself as? A tryer (I am aware this isn't a real word but bear with me). I try different things to see what fits. You don't buy a shirt without trying it on do you? Even if you took it home and it didn't fit, you would take it back. For me that is what a job is like. I try them out, I see what fits me. If it doesn't fit me then I leave. How can I be good for a company if I don't like been there? How can I be good for a company if I am miserable? How can I be good for a company if I am constantly wanting to be somewhere else? A company, I am sure, wants employees who love the job, who thrive in their workplace and are happy. I am wasting their time and resources and my own by taking the place of someone who could benefit the company.

People will take one job and stay there forever. This can be for multiple reasons. Some people are content with having a secure pay cheque coming in every month regardless of what they have do for it. Some people have to stay in a job because they have such responsibilities outside of the workplace that it is the smart thing to do. Some people are lucky that they find their dream job straight out the gate. I am none of these people. I am lucky that I have quite a comfortable home life that if I don't bring home a cheque I will be okay. I will always have a roof over my head, food in the fridge and drinks a plenty - I never take this for granted. I don't have any responsibilities except myself and shared custody of a 15 year old cat. I don't know what my dream is, I never have. I have flitted around different ideas. At 16 we are supposed to start deciding what we want the rest of our life to be, I wasn't fortunate to be one of those that had a plan, and it sucks the big one. I wish I had a plan, or at least an outline of what my future could be. All I know is that  love to write and thats what I want to pursue (not just to learn how to achieve this).

So, to any future employers. Yes I have had multiple jobs over time, there are a lot of negative connotations to this I know; let me tell you the positives. I am applying for your job vacancy because I honestly believe it is something I will enjoy and it is something I can do. I have never left a job to go to something I don't think I will like. I leave with every good intention. I want to find somewhere I am comfortable, with great people and great personal rewards. I am a hard worker, I used to work 7 days a week and never complained about it. Plus, think of my experience - I have done so much, worked in so many different environments.  I have worked days and nights, I have worked national holidays, I have worked away from home.

I must be doing something right, one job took me back 3 times.

A Quick Update from Craig

I don't know if a lot of people like to be kept up to date with what I am doing, but I like to sometimes just ramble about myself and I find this a good outlet. I don't live a very exciting life, much to my own detriment, but just like everyone else I have a lot going on inside of me.

I haven't wrote anything on here since April 21st. One of the main reasons is that I lost my Photoshop and I didn't think I could create a a post with out a little homemade image at the very top of it. This is going to look very odd in comparison to my other posts. There have been many things that I have wanted to write about so I will make a quick list for you now.

1. Caitlyn Jenner - I am immensely proud of her, what she is doing is incredibly brave. I can't imagine living a life that wasn't for me for so long and then make that change. Fix what needed fixing. I am in awe of her, she is beautiful, a trailblazer and an inspiration to many.

2. Facebook fasting - Me and my friend decided to take ourselves off Facebook for a week. I accidently did it for 9 days. And accept for the fomo (fear of missing out), it didn't affect me at all. I was actually happier without it. I didn't have any sources to compare myself to my friends/friends of friends and it was freeing. One bad thing did come from it though - I missed the announcement of the Dixie Chick's UK tour and by the time I heard about it there was only bad seats left. So overall the week had perks and flaws.

3. Vegetarianism - Thats right, Craig is now meat free. I have been officially 100% vegetarian for 5 days now, but for the past few weeks I have slowly been weeding animal products out of my life. I know it isn't exactly a long time but for me it is a big deal. For someone that considered Ronald McDonald and the Colonel as family it has been tough, but day by day it is getting easier and easier. The dream is to one day be free of all animal products and become vegan - but baby steps.

4. I had a relationship - I don't know if thats what it can be called as it kind of happened and ended rather quickly. It is a shame it had to end, but when it isn't right it isn't right. So still holding out for my prince to come and sweep me up, put that glass slipper on my adorable feet and live happily ever after.

5. I got a new job - I am back in retail! For the time been I am working in a clothing shop once again. My last job wasn't for me, so I chose happiness over money (stupid I know). I couldn't make myself pick up a phone and listen to someone moan for hours at a time about something I just didn't care about. However, this job I can do and I can do well. Is it forever? I don't know. Maybe one day someone will pay me to do something fun but that just seems like a dream right now.

6. Grace & Frankie -  I don't know why I didn't watch this as soon as it was uploaded, but my days I am so glad I finally watched it. The fact it stars 2/3 of the cast of one of the best films of all time (9 to 5) should have been a big enough push for me to watch it from the jump. It was hilarious, heart warming and has given me more catchphrases to slide in to everyday conversation.

So that was just a few things that have ran through my mind or happened to me in the last few weeks. I am going to try and be more frequent with my posts because I absolutely love writing and this one of my few outlets for it. I am going to try and get over my fear of not having photoshop to complete my posts.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T - Find out what it means to Me

One thing that is very important to me is respect. We all have the ability to give it and we should all strive to receive it. However, lately I have been struggling with respect a lot.

I constantly try my best at what I do, wether it be a friend, an employee or a member of a family but I am struggling. I often feel like I am not respected. I don't know if it is something I am doing wrong. I don't feel like I am doing anything wrong, I kind of feel that I am not appreciated because I don't stand out or I haven't changed my ways in a long time, people have gotten complacent with me.

I feel like I am quite a respectful person. I listen to everyone, I do as I am told and I try my best not to hurt anyone. I think that is just the basics of been a good human being. Sometimes though I just feel like if I wasn't there (wherever 'there' may be) it wouldn't make much of a difference. I am like a supporting character in a sitcom. I could be taken out and nothing would change. My problem comes from the fact that I like to shine, I like being the centre of attention. As big headed as that may sound, just ask yourself - don't you like attention for all the good things you do?

I don't want the sun to shine out of my arse, I don't want constant praise but it would be nice to get some reassurance sometimes. Just to be told that I am a good friend, or that I did a good job. I am rereading what I just wrote and I know I am coming across a bit moany, but it is something that has been weighing on my mind recently. I have noticed a lot lately that sometimes when I speak it isn't even acknowledged. I will be the only one saying something or asking something and there will be no reply - as if it was dead silence when I opened my mouth. I am just a normal person that likes to be heard and someone who likes to be re-assured when they do something well and given constructive criticism when I am not.

I suffer a lot with self confidence, if you know me you may be giving me the side eye right now as I can come across as a bit loud, sarcastic sometimes - but it is an act. I have been doing it my whole life because it comes easy to me. It is easier for me to be the joke then it is for me strive to be something that I am not. So this is where respect becomes a must for me, I want to be respected for what I do, so maybe I don't have to be so loud and annoying.

I had a job recently, and it was my review. There was not one comment about the work I did - instead I was pulled apart for my appearance and personality. And it wasn't work based opinions, it was her personal opinion. Where was the respect in that? She wasn't giving me anything constructive, just plain telling me everything she didn't like about me. That was a few months ago and it has stuck with me, like I said before I don't want people bowing down and kissing my arse, I just would like to be acknowledged and respected. You don't have to like me, but you will respect me.

I want a 'Jim-and-Pam-Relationship'

I was way behind with this show, in fact it finished before I even watched the first episode. I was sceptical, I watched the first episode of the english version of 'The Office'. It didn't get me and I it. Unfortunately a lot of Ricky Gervais' comedy goes right over my head. However my best friend (Netflix) recommended this to me due to my interests in 'Parks and Recreation' (Amy Poehler's amazing show). I thought why not, I don't have a social life to contend with so I have time to watch a 9 series show. After the first episode I was hooked, hello to a new binge. I watched every single episode in an extremely short amount of time, and then for some reason I then watched it backwards.

There are many great things about this show from the extreme characters to the so-real-its-awkward moments. For me the best thing about this show is the Jim and Pam romance. Its starts off with Pam being in a relationship with someone else and Jim been a cool single guy, but there is something there. They have this amazing bond that has grown from the love of pranks, air high fives and stolen glances. They have a great friendship that many would find hard to understand and often be perceived as something more. Then (SPOILER ALERT) in season 3 they actually get together, Pam calls off her wedding and they finally admit their love for each other. 

Their relationship is written so perfectly through out the next 6 seasons. They have their ups and downs but throughout it all they have love. I can honestly say I cried at many points watching them. Jim's little glances at the camera when Pam says or does something are beautiful, Pam constantly looking at Jim with nothing but love in her eyes. The wedding was so good, when they are on the boat under Niagara Falls and Pam leans in to Jim, Jim looks at the camera with nothing but love and happiness in his eyes - I bawled. When Pam blames Jim for the breakdown in her parents relationship because of something he said, Pam finds out its because Jim described their relationship so perfectly that Pam's Dad realised he didn't have that with his wife; Pam says the most beautiful line :

Everything they are is for each other, they are best friends as well as lovers. They have everything a relationship should have in my opinion. I want someone who I can tell my darkest thoughts with, who I can trust with all my secrets and weird habits. I don't think that that this a big ask. Jim and Pam did it. I know they are fictional, but I also know some couples will watch them and feel like they have been portrayed on TV. Watching them there is never a thought that one is more lucky to have the other than the other, they are lucky that they found each other. They were friends for four years before anything remotely happened, I may not be totally out of luck yet ...

There are so many highlights to this relationship - the teapot, the DVD, finding out they're expecting, the wedding, the proposal, the first kiss, Jim asking her out for the first date, Pam admitting it was because of Jim she called of her own wedding - just so many I could sit and talk about them for hours. What makes this relationship even better for me is that it wasn't based on physical connection, (sure they are both hot) it was personality. When you meet that one person who you just click with you don't give up, Jim didn't. People say friends shouldn't become lovers. Why not? Yes, you could risk losing a friendship, but you could end up with so much more, you could end up with everything. It only takes one person. 

  

"I didn’t watch the whole documentary. After a few episodes, it was too painful. I kept wanting to scream at Pam. It took me so long to do so many important things. It’s just hard to accept that I spent so many years being less happy than I could have been. Jim was five feet from my desk, and it took me four years to get to him. It’d be great if people saw this documentary and learned from my mistakes. Not that I’m a tragic person. I’m really happy now. But… it would just make my heart soar, if someone out there saw this and she said to herself, "Be strong. Trust yourself, love yourself. Conquer your fears. Just go after what you want. And act fast, because life just isn’t that long." - Pam Beesly Halpert

"Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl, who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do, which was just to… wait. Don’t get me wrong, I flirted with her. Pam, I can now admit in front of friends and family, that I do know how to make a photocopy — didn’t need your help that many times. And, uh, do you remember how long it took you to teach me how to drive stick? I’ve been driving stick since high school, so… For a really long time that’s all I had. Little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend. And, a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl I work with, but I think, even then I knew that… I was waiting for my wife." - Jim Halpert

Expectations vs. Reality

I have been on this earth now for 25 years, 6 months and 10 days. I feel that this is quite a long time, I mean for me it took an eternity to get here. I pride myself on the fact that I walk around with my eyes wide open at all time. I feel like I see a lot of things that some people don't. This isn't me being big headed, its just the way I feel I am wired. I would love to be able to ignore some things and act like some things don't bother me. I am an observer, I watch and I listen; and I have developed an understanding of reality vs. expectations. Things aren't always what they should be, people strive for the expectation and ignore the reality. In a world full of images being thrust upon us at all time it is hard to accept certain things.

We have movies, TV shows and the internet showing us an idealistic way life should be. We watch a happy movie and we want life to be like that, we watch a sad movie and don't register that that is probably a lot more realistic. We all have pain, we all have to make an effort just to get through life with a smile on our face. Everything is an effort. Everything takes work. This post is purely my opinion, you may not agree with it and you may think that I am being a huge downer about everything.

Love/Relationships
Expectations
You meet the love of your life pretty early on. It blossoms into something beautiful and suddenly everything falls in to place. You get the house, the dog and the children. Every day is filled with kisses on the cheeks and 'Honey, how was your day?'.
Reality
Just meeting someone is a challenge. There is millions upon millions of single people in this world yet it seems to be impossible to make a match. When you do think you find a match the work starts. You have to impress them, whilst still being yourself, whilst trying to decide if you actually like them. It can blossom into something beautiful and life changing, but it won't happen overnight.

Work
Expectations
You go to high school to get into college, you go to college to get into university and then you leave university to enter the working life. You start your new job after all your qualifications are exactly what they want. Everyday fuels your passion, you work up in the company and you retire into a beautiful life by the sea.
Reality
Education doesn't count for a lot. You have finished university in a shit load of debt and you are willing to take any kind of job that has the smallest to do with the field you are more than trained to work in. You go for the big jobs but they want 'experience'. You don't have experience because for the last 15-20 years you have been in education. You will one day have the job you want, but it takes a hell of a lot of work and takes even more character.

Friends
Expectations
You have a great group of friends that meet up all the time to discuss life. You may have a place you will all go to (e.g a coffee shop). Every celebration in your life they will be there, they will become aunties and uncles to your offspring and there is always someone to call to pick you up if you're down.
Reality
You have as many close friends as you do fingers on your right hand. These people are your substitute family. You may not even see them for months at a time, but it doesn't matter. They are there when you need them and you are there for them in any capacity they require you in. You will have groups of friends from all your walks in life (work friends, uni friends, book club friends) but you will always have your core group of friends.

Just imagine you life expectations as a photoshopped version of reality. The truth is under there but you have glamourised it so much it may seem unachievable. Don't set the bar too high. Achieve what you want to achieve and be happy. if you are always striving for the best then you won't notice what you do have.

I really feel after writing this that I should say that I am a generally happy person, but like everyone there is another side to me. I just wanted to write this for me really. For years I have worked towards my expectations and not accepted my reality. This is just me sharing a little bit more.

The Power Of No

Recently I have discovered the word 'No'. I have been saying it for years, especially when it comes to things such as salad and exercise, but now I realise the power that comes from it. You can say it to things that are expected of you. You can say it to things that people want you to do. It is your life and you get to decide how it goes.

In recent months I have been struggling with certain aspects of my life. I accepted them for what they were and just went along with them. It came to a point where I was miserable, so one day I just said 'no'. The weight that felt lifted from my shoulders was glorious. Yes, I have let people down and haven't met expectations, but who the hell cares? I am going to do what I want to do from now on. I only get one chance to do what I wanted to do and I took it. With most things in life you can go back, if you feel like you made a mistake later down the line it is never too late. So right now I made a decision which will impact certain things but I am so much happier from it.

We are stuck in a society that expects certain things from us. We are expected to go to school, get a job and live happily ever after in an existence that might not be for you. You stick to the status quo and everyone is happy. Well not me, I don't want a life that is already mapped out. I don't want to do what everyone else does. I don't have a 5 year plan, hell I don't even know what I am doing next week - and I love that. I like the unpredictable and unexpected. This is where 'no' has become so important. I have said 'no' to things that should automatically be a 'yes'.

I am not standing here on my little soap box asking you to follow my lead. The way I like to do things may not be what everyone likes. People may find happiness and security in knowing what to do in their lives. Sometimes I wish I could aswell, but I always yearn for something else. My Dad has always said when I start something new 'I give it 3 weeks'. This is so true because thats when I start to get bored and I want to move on. I am a restless person, I just want to live a life filled with spontaneity, adventure, beauty and creativity.

'I don’t wanna do it. It’s really liberating to say no to shit you hate. So you go ahead, you go live your truth. I’ll be here living my truth.' - Lena Dunham, Girls