2015 - A New Me (A Cliché)

HAPPY NEW YEAR folks! It has slowly crept up on us and then smacked us in the face, 2014 is over and we have to welcome a new year in to our lives. I personally haven't gotten used to writing 2014 as a date and now I have to change that. I feel after school the years don't matter as much, its just another year - not a whole lot changes from December 31st to January 1st.

2014 wasn't a particularly big year in my life, yeah I finished university but that was kind of it. I tried dipping my toes in a career but it didn't work out. I am not bitter about, it is what it is. I floated through 2014 if I am honest. I had no direction and just took things as they came. I am someone that doesn't plan anything, plans scare me - I don't like been tied to anything, and I feel having a plan is way too structured.

However as cliché as it sounds I am going to make a change. People may scoff at others that take a new year as a chance to change things, but for me I think its a great starting point. It's a perfect day to sit and reflect and give yourself the little jump off that you need. Figure out what went wrong (or right) and make the next choices relevant for you. I don't want to call them resolutions because knowing me I will probably fail, but I am making decisions about my life and what better day then January 1st to initialise them.

Diet
It has always been a dream of mine to be vegetarian, I feel like I have the mind of a vegetarian but the stomach of a cave man. I love meat - chicken, lamb, fish give me all of it. Its delicious. However I am an animal lover at heart and I have read and seen too many things about animal treatment that it guilts me. One day I plan on going the whole hog and becoming vegan, but baby steps. Also another diet change that isn't just a choice but very much required is a lot less sugar. I am a diabetic and I eat and drink sugary things like I am Augustus Gloop.

Exercise
I might start doing it.

Smoking
Stop.

Money
I never save money, if the money is in the bank it isn't there for long. I need to start putting some away for a rainy day. When you can buy a new outfit or book on the toilet it is hard. For some reason I am one of those people that buy things not to use them for their intent or purpose, but for the pure fact I want to own it. I have clothes and books that haven't seen daylight - I just want to own them. So I think now I am going to put a small percentage away.

Travel
I haven't seen past these shores for 8 years and it kills me. I am nostalgic of places I have never seen. I want to see things in real life instead of through a screen. My plan is to at least get out of this country twice this year. One of my plans have fell through but I am not going to let it stop me. Bon voyage.

Career
First of all I want to decide which career I want. Then aim for it. I walk aimlessly through life and wonder why I didn't get anywhere. I love to write in all different formats so maybe look in to that. I have fashion experience so maybe look in to that. I love all forms of media so maybe look in to that.

Other things I want to do is reconnect with old friends, read more books (that are currently gathering dust under my bed), expand my movie knowledge and lose a shit tonne of weight. So, good luck to all my fellow life changers. Lets do this and ignore all the haters and doubters. So what if we fail, who gives a fuck.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T - Find out what it means to Me

One thing that is very important to me is respect. We all have the ability to give it and we should all strive to receive it. However, lately I have been struggling with respect a lot.

I constantly try my best at what I do, wether it be a friend, an employee or a member of a family but I am struggling. I often feel like I am not respected. I don't know if it is something I am doing wrong. I don't feel like I am doing anything wrong, I kind of feel that I am not appreciated because I don't stand out or I haven't changed my ways in a long time, people have gotten complacent with me.

I feel like I am quite a respectful person. I listen to everyone, I do as I am told and I try my best not to hurt anyone. I think that is just the basics of been a good human being. Sometimes though I just feel like if I wasn't there (wherever 'there' may be) it wouldn't make much of a difference. I am like a supporting character in a sitcom. I could be taken out and nothing would change. My problem comes from the fact that I like to shine, I like being the centre of attention. As big headed as that may sound, just ask yourself - don't you like attention for all the good things you do?

I don't want the sun to shine out of my arse, I don't want constant praise but it would be nice to get some reassurance sometimes. Just to be told that I am a good friend, or that I did a good job. I am rereading what I just wrote and I know I am coming across a bit moany, but it is something that has been weighing on my mind recently. I have noticed a lot lately that sometimes when I speak it isn't even acknowledged. I will be the only one saying something or asking something and there will be no reply - as if it was dead silence when I opened my mouth. I am just a normal person that likes to be heard and someone who likes to be re-assured when they do something well and given constructive criticism when I am not.

I suffer a lot with self confidence, if you know me you may be giving me the side eye right now as I can come across as a bit loud, sarcastic sometimes - but it is an act. I have been doing it my whole life because it comes easy to me. It is easier for me to be the joke then it is for me strive to be something that I am not. So this is where respect becomes a must for me, I want to be respected for what I do, so maybe I don't have to be so loud and annoying.

I had a job recently, and it was my review. There was not one comment about the work I did - instead I was pulled apart for my appearance and personality. And it wasn't work based opinions, it was her personal opinion. Where was the respect in that? She wasn't giving me anything constructive, just plain telling me everything she didn't like about me. That was a few months ago and it has stuck with me, like I said before I don't want people bowing down and kissing my arse, I just would like to be acknowledged and respected. You don't have to like me, but you will respect me.

My Own Personal Top 10

What I am about to do is highly personal, some may say too personal. It is going to reveal a part of me that us, as a society, often don't want to show of ourselves. It is 'My Top 10 Most Played Songs'. You may be pulling a face that reads 'who cares', but let me ask you this, are you willing to share the songs that you and only you listen to over and over again? The music that you blast through those two little ear buds, secure in the knowledge no one else can hear and in the comfort of knowing that your own personal soundtrack is following you through life. We all have those guilty pleasures that we don't feel the need to tell people, but today I am taking a stand and breaking the boundaries that we have put ourselves behind. I am revealing my Top 10.

1. The Veronicas - You Ruin Me (Played 213 times)
This is the brand spanking new song from the aussie twins. I love it and when I love something I love it hard - playing it over 200 times in a matter of weeks. It is a heartbreaking song about been betrayed  by the one you love. I melt for a depressing song.

2. Carrie Underwood - Something in the Water (Played 190 times)
Country? Check. Gospel? Check. A choir? Check. Carrie's flawless vocals? Double check. I don't expect anything less than perfection from this county bumpkin. This song could quite possibly be my new miming-like-I-can-belt-a-song-out song. A song about finding God, not usually a topic for my music but this song hit me. Praise Jesus.

3. Glee Cast - How Will I Know (Played 154 times)
Yes, judge away - I like the music of Glee. This one is special as it was sung completely acapella in a tribute episode to the late, great Whitney Houston. Amazingly showcased the vocals of the four stars of the show. It is one of those special songs that I just really enjoy hearing.

4. Pistol Annies - Unhappily Married (Played 150 times)
I do enjoy a depressing song, but maybe just maybe I think I love an angry song even more. There is something about hearing bitterness and insults through music that just gets to me. This songs talks from the viewpoint of an unsatisfied wife, it is funny, witty and serious all in one.

5. Jessica Bassett - Lydia (Played 146 times)
I was shocked myself when I saw how many times I had played this song. I first heard it on an American Idol audition - I don't even watch the show! For some reason I clicked on this audition. At first I thought it was just the music they play over the auditionee when they are talking - turned out it was the audition. Her voice is so soothing and the song is a beautiful letter to her best friend.

6. Pistol Annies - I Feel a Sin coming on (Played 145 times)
These country cuties made the list again. This is the first song off their second album. Miranda Lambert opens the song with her flawless voice. Its a slow tempo song, mainly just finger clicking for the music. I can't tell you why I love it because I don't know. I just do goddamnit.

7. Colbie Caillat - Breakeven (Played 140 times)
This is the beautiful Colbie doing a cover of The Script's 'Breakeven'. And I am sorry to the Irish lads but I love this version so much more! A song about heartbreak after a break up. She mixes it with 'Fast Car' by Tracey Chapman just to knock the nail on the head. If I had to audition for a talent show (and could sing) this would be my choice.

8. Glee Cast - Season's Of Love (Played 139 times)
Another Glee song. I don't care. This was the opening song on the episode where we discovered Finn had died. Cried like a baby from the first second. Taken from the musical Rent and given the Glee treatment, with Amber Riley's perfect vocals it just sent shivers down my spine. It's so beautifully sad, made even worse by the fact that this cast was saying goodbye to an actual cast mate.

9. Beyonce - Heaven (Played 136 times)
Quite possibly one of the saddest songs in existence. I don't think we have ever had a confirmed explanation for this song - but I don't think we need one. That's the magic of music, we make our own stories to fit the songs. This a truly heartbreaking song about loss. I like sad music, so this is one of my go-to songs.

10. OneRepublic - Preacher (Played 132 times)
Another choir! God, I love them. I have a theory that I may have expressed before - every song sounds better with a choir. I fell in love with this song the second I heard it, so I never stopped listening to it. The whole album is amazing, but this is the jewel in the crown for me.

So this list was quite revealing in a couple of ways. It definitely revealed me as lover of depressing and angsty songs. I don't know what the pull is there but I truly enjoy them more than any other type of song. Also the numbers were quite a lot higher than I imagined they would be, I may need to venture out in to new music, getting stuck in my ways. I am willing to take suggestions.

Stop Plastic Surgery Shaming!

So Renée Zellweger has made all the headlines today as she was photographed looking slightly different than the Bridget Jones we have come to know and love (I still laugh out loud every time at that point in the film when she is in the hotel foyer after her head scarf flew off in the open top car). Yes, her face did look different, but who cares? Apparently everyone should care, magazine and blogs have had professional plastic surgeons commenting on what she could have had done, before and after pictures flood my Facebook wall and Twitter feed and even some news channels have picked up the story. However, I ask you 'Why do you care?'. I mean who is she hurting, how will this affect anyone's life and what the hell does it have to do with you?

For years and years we have picked apart anyone who has dared to go under the knife to improve their appearance, whether it to fight the signs of ageing or to change the shape and size of certain features. In my own opinion I have always thought that if it's your body then do what the hell you want with it. We all have things that we would change about ourselves, go ahead and ask even the most secure friend on your contact list and I bet my life savings that they would change something. We live in a world where everything still isn't enough. We all want more than what we have, not selfishly - it's human nature.

I for one stand up and applaud anyone that had the balls to go and change something about themselves that they weren't happy with. If I had unlimited funds I would literally have a never ending list of surgeries I require, I am only 26 and that list will multiply with every birthday. Yet we can't understand when someone in the public eye does something about their insecurities. Heidi Montag (of The Hills fame) famously had multiple surgeries in one day to fix everything she wasn't happy with, and all we did was laugh, scoff and insult. You really think she needed to hear that? Some of those surgeries are irreversible, she is stuck with them - but we didn't care, instead we chose to mock. I thought she was beautiful before and beautiful after, she didn't lose any Heidi - she just changed her appearance.

We all do little things everyday to change our appearance before we step out the door, whether it be straighten our hair, add a bit of make-up, tan our skin, whiten our teeth, put on a push-up bra - the list is endless. Yet we scorn people that make permanent fixes. I don't care if people go on to make money from their surgeries, more power to them. Launch a modelling career with your new boobs - I don't care. All that matters is that that person is happy.

Renée Zellweger had the perfect response to anyone chatting shit about her new look (not that she had to say anything at all):

 "Perhaps I look different. Who doesn't as they get older?! But I am different. I'm happy."

My argument for why Olivia Pope is quite possibly the best Leading Lady of all time.

I often unashamedly admit my love for the leading lady too many times. I just have such an affection for women who lead a show, who are the matriarchs of their own world. These women can be lawyers, mothers, teachers, TV executives, deputy directors of Park and Recreation, doctors, nurses; they can be anything they want and still  be the most powerful person, the most dramatic person, the strongest person, the most vulnerable person.

Shows that feature a female lead have multiplied over the last decade, in fact for the first time ever the biggest night on American TV (Thursday) on one of the biggest networks (ABC) there are 3 shows all dedicated to the lives of women. We should take a moment to bow our heads to the Queen that is Shonda Rhimes who wrote all 3 of them (Scandal, Grey's Anatomy and How to Get Away With Murder).

However I am not here to talk about all the leading ladies in my life, I am here to talk about one in particular - Olivia Pope. Played by the beautiful, talented Kerry Washington. I will stand up and say that she is the most well written female characters of all time. Olivia is what is known as a 'Fixer', she takes on people's problems and makes them go away, although these aren't any small problems - we are talking about world wide scale political scandals. She puts her neck on the line every time she takes on a client, she saves lives and reputations. However she isn't one without her own scandal - she did have an affair with the President of the United States for quite some time. We can't be mad at her for this though, at the end of the day she is still human - she has needs just like the rest of us.

What I love the most about Olivia is her humanity, yes she fixes problems for some of the worst people in politics but she doesn't do it without letting them know exactly how she feels. No one gets away scot free. She will show her disgust if she is disgusted, but she will show her sympathy if she feels for the person. She has one of the most level heads in the game, she sees what people see and what people want to see. My favourite moments of hers is when she breaks, when she shows her emotions and she shows just when it gets too much. She maybe be a hero to a lot of people but she isn't super by any means. Her weaknesses are her family, her love affairs and her fellow Gladiators.

She can be forgiven for having weaknesses, for instance she must come from one of the most disturbed, fucked up TV families of all time. Her father is the commander of a secret government division that doesn't exactly follow the law, and her mother? Well, she is cold blooded killer. It's amazing Olivia came out so strong at all. Her Gladiators (co-workers) are a weakness to her because they have become her family now, they are the people she leans on and the ones she wants to help. Her relationship with Huck pulls at my heartstrings everytime. She takes broken people and builds them up again, and the love she develops can only be compared to that of a family. Then there is her other weakness - love. She is in love with the married President of the USA. They had their affair and it ended (or has it?!) They both need each other and they can't walk away.

I made quite a bold statement to say she is one of the most well written female characters of all time, but I will stand by it unless something goes dramatically bad. She breaks all the stereotypes, she creates a new president.

A scene from the last episode - the acting ability and strength of character floored me

Olivia and Huck

And please just for a second can we applaud the amazing costume designers of the show

The Craigy's 2014

It is that time once again ladies and gentleman.  Welcome to the 2014 Craigy's! An award celebrating the shows that may get overlooked or for the simple reason I love them. I feel over the years I have become an opinion on TV as I have put more hours into it then most will in their life time.

I have limited each category to 7 nominees each, this was tough as I feel I may have missed a few, but I am not as flawless - so take your drama outside.

Congratulations to all the winners.

 

All I Have To Do Is Dream

I have a real love/hate relationship with dreams. 

I can have the best dreams, the ones that make you wake up with a smile on your face, the ones that make you think about things. My mind can wander at the best of times, so when it is given full reign of my thoughts it just takes off. I have found myself in zombie attacks, hostage situations, Hollywood parties, TV shows (been a cast member of Keeping up with the Kardashians was a particular favourite) and so many more scenarios. I also have the dreams which show my normal life back to me with some highlights, I like these. I have the worst memory so its nice to see them played back in HD - it's like Emma Willis is showing me my 'best moments' after I left the Big Bro house.

Then there are the horrid ones, and I'm not actually talking about nightmares. I absolutely hate the dreams that show what you can't have. It makes sense you dream about them because at the late point in the night when it's just you and your thoughts left, it is what you think about (unless you are content in life I guess). For example I thought I was over a crush I had, then I had the dream - damn, kick in your crotch, spit on your neck fantastic. Dreams really do affect your day don't they? You can't stop thinking about them. You have those realisation moments where you realise it was just that - a dream. 

Dreams are a magical thing, if I start to think too much about them my face looks as puzzled as it did when I tried watching Game of Thrones for the first time. Like, how does the mind work? How are we able to think in our sleep when technically we are recharging? I am sure there is a medical/scientific reason behind it all but for right now I am going to go with the magic theory I have. I love a good dream, its a movie that only I get to see. I just wish you could pick which type you could get, like the Netflix homepage - pick which genre I fancy that night, because I tell ya I don't want any dreams like I had the other night about the crush - put me in a mood for at least 17 hours. 

'Dreams are illustrations from the book your soul is writing about you' - Marsha Norman