Judging You

There are only a few reasons that we watch reality TV competitions. One being the talent, but lets face facts - we want to see someone get ripped apart by a mean judge. Yes, they are giving them a reality check and will thank them in the long run, but my days does it make good television. And we Brits do it best, just look at countless reality shows around the world and you will find a mean Brit on them. The X Factor has just reared its ugly head again here in the UK and with wide open arms we have welcomed Simon back, he is the man you want to destroy your hopes and dreams. I watch a lot of reality TV competitions from singing to modelling to cooking to SFX make up to tattoos. I have picked my favourite 10 that I feel every judge around the world should aspire to be.

Mary Berry - Great British Bake Off

With her signature phrases like 'soggy bottom' to her killer Zara bomber jackets she is the baking Queen. She is loveable and adorable but isn't afraid to pull a face and tell someone when their cake is too dense. She is everything I hope to be when I am a 79 year old woman.

Jessie J - The Voice UK

She will say until she is blue in the face that she is a mentor not a judge, however that big red button says different, she is judging someone's singing, but whatever I digress. What I love about her is honesty and her knowledge, this girl knows a thing or two about singing and she isn't afraid to let you know.

Mel B - The X Factor (UK and Australia) and America's Got Talent

As a life long Spice Girl's fan I am more than happy to still see Scary on my screen. She is a veteran of the music world so who better to judge up and comers. She is brutally honest to the point where she disregards people's feelings (they need to hear it). Also lets be honest with ourselves she is shitting all over Cheryl in this years X Factor.

Jay Alexander - America's Next Top Model
Why he was ever let go from this show I will never know or begin to understand. Thank the heavens above he is back for Cycle 21. He is the definition of fabulous and has legs that a show pony would kill for. He makes me laugh more than most and I live for his fashion and quips.

Kelly Cutrone - America's Next Top Model
Fist seen as the boss you don't want to mess with on The Hills she was quickly snapped up by Tyra to join ANTM. She was the perfect choice. Honest isn't the word for how she speaks, she has no time for people who aren't right for the job or willing to work. She made me laugh from the first episode this cycle, when asked if she was ready by Tyra she turned around and said 'I'm ready to crush some dreams' - bow down bitches.

Dannii Minogue - The X Factor (UK and Australia), Australia's Got Talent and Britain's Next Top Model
When she was revealed as a judge there were a lot of 'Why?', but she soon shut the doubters up. She is warm, loveable and bursting with personality. She is very honest and very loyal to who she supports. I fell in love with her, and if I had to pick my dream judging panel she would be rubbing shoulders with Simon again in a heartbeat.

Tyra Banks - America's Next Top Model
This show gets weirder and weirder by the cycle, but the constant that keeps this show brilliant is Miss Tyra Banks. She cares, gives great advice and isn't afraid to scream at a girl who won't shut up. It would be hard to top her yelling at Tiffany at judging to top any talent show moment for me.

Simon Cowell - The X Factor (UK and US), Pop Idol and Britain's Got Talent
Not the original but definitely the best. He is the approval I will be searching for for my entire life, even if he enjoyed a coffee I made for him I could die a happy man. I have the weirdest crush on him, his power, confidence and well pressed white shirts just do something to me.

Nicole Sherzinger - The X Factor (UK and US)
I love this woman and hate her for the exact same reasons. She is gorgeous, talented and has a loveable personality to boot - she is everything I aspire to be. When she was brought in to replace Cheryl as a judge on The X Factor US some of us may have been sceptical, however she was the perfect replacement. Love her.

Heidi Klum - Project Runway, Germany's Next Top Model and America's Got Talent
This German beauty has become the opinion on all types of talent and skill. She comes from a view of a normal person, she isn't pretending she knows the ins and outs of everything she is just giving her honest opinion and reaction - she is the model face and body of the view of the general viewing public really. Plus I love her accent, I want a kiss on the cheek with an 'Auf Wiedersehen'.

Biggest Losers

Last night Britain was ablaze with disappointment after watching The Voice UK. Clear favourite to win, Leah McFall, was a runner up. One thing I don't understand is that it is based on a public vote; I would bet my life that a lot of the people who were angry didn't even vote. We did it to ourselves. However we shouldn't be too angry - these days you don't need to win to achieve success. Some examples I hear you ask - read on my dear friend.

One Direction

They came third on The X Factor, losing out to Matt Cardle. Propelled to international success by the power of social media, their two albums Up All Night and Take Me Home, released in 2011 and 2012 respectively, broke several records, topped the charts of most major markets, and generated hit singles, including "What Makes You Beautiful" and "Live While We're Young". I don't think they care that they lost.

Cher Lloyd

She came fourth on The X Factor. Since then she has a number one single in good old Blighty, a double platinum selling single in America and has been featured with such artists as Demi Lovato, Ne-yo and Sean Kingston. She has also had a sold out tour that had 14 dates around the UK. I don't think she cares that she lost

Susan Boyle

She came second on Britain's Got Talent. Since the show she has released 4 albums - 3 number 1's in England and 2 in America, culminating in over 20 million record sales. Susan also broke a record in America as she had 2 number 1 albums in the space of a year. Now she has covered magazines, toured the world and even had a musical written about her. I don't think she cares that she lost.

Jennifer Hudson

She came seventh on American Idol. Since the show she has won a freaking Oscar (plus another 28 worldwide awards)! It was for the portrayal of Effie White in Dreamgirls. She has overcome a number of personal tragedies. She has also become the face (and body) for Weight Watchers, appeared in 8 other films and was called upon to sing at the Oscars - twice. I don't think she cares that she lost.

Kellie Pickler

She came sixth on American Idol. Since the show she has had two number one country albums (the third gaining a still impressive number 2 spot), released nine top 50 singles and has toured with Taylor Swift, Rascall Flatts, Sugarland and Brad Paisley. Also an accomplished song writer, she has won three songwriter awards from the American Society of Composers, Authors, and Publishers. Just this year she competed in Dancing With The Stars (Strictly Come Dancing to us Brits) and she won. And if her success wasn't enough she also shaved her head in support of her friend who was battling cancer. I don't think she cares that she lost.

Samantha Barks

She came third on I'd Do Anything (A BBC show searching for an actress to play Nancy on the West End show Oliver). Since the show she has starred in 6 theatre shows (including Oliver as Nancy). However her moment came as she picked to play Éponine in the stage version of Les Misérables, which led her to been cast in the film version along side Anne Hathaway, Hugh Jackman and Russel Crowe. She has now won international awards for best newcomer. I don't think she cares that she lost.

Sophie Sumner

She came second on Britain's Next Top Model. Then the wonderful Tyra Banks announced the Brits Vs Yanks cycle of America's Next Top Model. Sophie competed and won! She has now been featured in Vogue Italia, become the face of Covergirl, become the face of Top Model's perfume and randomly appeared in a Bollywood movie. I don't think she cares that she lost.

So, the moral of the story is that your Mum was right - Its not the winning that counts, its the taking part. In this day and age you don't need to win a reality show to be the star of the show. In my opinion the winner tends to be the sympathy vote a lot of the time, or the person most relatable  - not necessarily the most talented. I personally can't wait for Leah McFalls album and I will try my darnedest to be at the tour.

You wanna be on top?

For anyone that lives under a rock America's Next Top Model is basically a modelling competition; and it is awesome. As a fan of fashion the photoshoots are one of my favourite parts. Some are simple and some are ridiculous; and I mean ridiculous in the best way. Tyra Banks has some weird ideas in her head. After 19 seasons and 241 episodes you have to forgive her for having to think outside the box and relate the photoshoot to something in fashion.

The 20th cycle starts this August and I am very excited for it. Once again she has changed the rules; we have had College Edition, Petite Edition, Brits Vs. Yanks, Allstars and now Boys Vs. Girls. Finally men can compete. It has taken a while, and I have to say I am a little mad because I feel too old to compete (obviously the only reason I didn't apply).

I haven't always agreed with the choices of the judges and all the winners were not approved by me. The decision that angered me the most was Allison Harvard. First of she should have won her season, then she was invited back for the Allstars cycle (yay!), and once again she came second! SECOND! I am not saying she was the best model of all the cycles, but she was different, she was unique and goddamnit she deserved to win.

I feel the show is losing its momentum a little bit and its become very formulaic, however I am not angry about this. Why fix something that isn't broken? Tyra is getting more beautiful with age, Kelly Cutrone is still on TV and we get to see more and more bitch fights. One suggestion I would give is that the country they visit half way through, you should revisit some places and stop trying to trick us into believing there is a fashion capitol in every country - there simply isn't (Cycle 17 - Crete! Seriously?).

I have watched a lot of other countries version of Top Model but America's will always be the best because it has something that they will never have - the amazing Tyra Banks.