Judging You

There are only a few reasons that we watch reality TV competitions. One being the talent, but lets face facts - we want to see someone get ripped apart by a mean judge. Yes, they are giving them a reality check and will thank them in the long run, but my days does it make good television. And we Brits do it best, just look at countless reality shows around the world and you will find a mean Brit on them. The X Factor has just reared its ugly head again here in the UK and with wide open arms we have welcomed Simon back, he is the man you want to destroy your hopes and dreams. I watch a lot of reality TV competitions from singing to modelling to cooking to SFX make up to tattoos. I have picked my favourite 10 that I feel every judge around the world should aspire to be.

Mary Berry - Great British Bake Off

With her signature phrases like 'soggy bottom' to her killer Zara bomber jackets she is the baking Queen. She is loveable and adorable but isn't afraid to pull a face and tell someone when their cake is too dense. She is everything I hope to be when I am a 79 year old woman.

Jessie J - The Voice UK

She will say until she is blue in the face that she is a mentor not a judge, however that big red button says different, she is judging someone's singing, but whatever I digress. What I love about her is honesty and her knowledge, this girl knows a thing or two about singing and she isn't afraid to let you know.

Mel B - The X Factor (UK and Australia) and America's Got Talent

As a life long Spice Girl's fan I am more than happy to still see Scary on my screen. She is a veteran of the music world so who better to judge up and comers. She is brutally honest to the point where she disregards people's feelings (they need to hear it). Also lets be honest with ourselves she is shitting all over Cheryl in this years X Factor.

Jay Alexander - America's Next Top Model
Why he was ever let go from this show I will never know or begin to understand. Thank the heavens above he is back for Cycle 21. He is the definition of fabulous and has legs that a show pony would kill for. He makes me laugh more than most and I live for his fashion and quips.

Kelly Cutrone - America's Next Top Model
Fist seen as the boss you don't want to mess with on The Hills she was quickly snapped up by Tyra to join ANTM. She was the perfect choice. Honest isn't the word for how she speaks, she has no time for people who aren't right for the job or willing to work. She made me laugh from the first episode this cycle, when asked if she was ready by Tyra she turned around and said 'I'm ready to crush some dreams' - bow down bitches.

Dannii Minogue - The X Factor (UK and Australia), Australia's Got Talent and Britain's Next Top Model
When she was revealed as a judge there were a lot of 'Why?', but she soon shut the doubters up. She is warm, loveable and bursting with personality. She is very honest and very loyal to who she supports. I fell in love with her, and if I had to pick my dream judging panel she would be rubbing shoulders with Simon again in a heartbeat.

Tyra Banks - America's Next Top Model
This show gets weirder and weirder by the cycle, but the constant that keeps this show brilliant is Miss Tyra Banks. She cares, gives great advice and isn't afraid to scream at a girl who won't shut up. It would be hard to top her yelling at Tiffany at judging to top any talent show moment for me.

Simon Cowell - The X Factor (UK and US), Pop Idol and Britain's Got Talent
Not the original but definitely the best. He is the approval I will be searching for for my entire life, even if he enjoyed a coffee I made for him I could die a happy man. I have the weirdest crush on him, his power, confidence and well pressed white shirts just do something to me.

Nicole Sherzinger - The X Factor (UK and US)
I love this woman and hate her for the exact same reasons. She is gorgeous, talented and has a loveable personality to boot - she is everything I aspire to be. When she was brought in to replace Cheryl as a judge on The X Factor US some of us may have been sceptical, however she was the perfect replacement. Love her.

Heidi Klum - Project Runway, Germany's Next Top Model and America's Got Talent
This German beauty has become the opinion on all types of talent and skill. She comes from a view of a normal person, she isn't pretending she knows the ins and outs of everything she is just giving her honest opinion and reaction - she is the model face and body of the view of the general viewing public really. Plus I love her accent, I want a kiss on the cheek with an 'Auf Wiedersehen'.