Rules To Follow When Entering A Fast Food Restaurant

Having previously worked in a popular Fast Food Restaurant I feel that I am qualified to share some certain things that would make both the customer and the server have a more enjoyable day.

1. If you are in line for some time, please know what you want by the time you get to the front. 
Nothing annoyed me more then when I had a huge line behind a customer who didn't know what they wanted. They were stood in line for at least 5 minutes - what else were they thinking about!?

2. Don't be surprised by the price.
Every single thing was on a menu above my head! When it comes for me to tell you the price don't be shocked and don't ask me to break down all the individual prices.

3. If the toilet is locked the toilet is locked.
The toilet is usually locked for a reason. We weren't trying to be mean. If the restaurant is take-away only then we were not legally obliged to have a toilet.

4. There is a bin right by the door, use it.
This is not a high class restaurant. Everything you have is able to be thrown away. We didn't always have people on the seating area to clean so do the restaurant a favour and put your stuff in the bin.

5. Every joke has already been said.
I used to work in a popular sandwich shop, you wouldn't believe how many times I heard a 12 inch dick joke. Wasn't funny the first time or the 100+ times after. Just order your food, be pleasant and leave.

6. You be polite to the server, guaranteed you will get better service
Server's deserve respect, they are no lesser a person than you. They are doing a thankless job for minimum wage which I am sure most people can't and won't do. So respect them, don't piss off the person who is touching your food.

So, follow these simple rules and you will get better service. The people who are serving fast food more than likely hate their job (I know I did) and all they want to do is finish their shift whilst doing a good job. Make it easier for them by just being a decent person. Simple.

Festivals - A Warning

When I bought my ticket for V Festival I definitely romanticized the idea of going. The music, the people, the camping, the drinking and the food got me all excited. The amount of possible fun overwhelmed me - then it actually came to been there. Everything smacks you in the face. It isn't always fun, it is a lot of work. So as a guidance I thought I would inform some Festival Virgin's of the perils of festival life.

The Smell

Wherever you go, wherever you stand and no matter how you try and avoid it there is a smell that fills the air. The port-a-loos. They are disgusting. It is a box of shit. Yes, it gets emptied and sprayed clean regularly but it doesn't take away the smell. Infact the spraying they do just spreads all the 'stuff' around. Going to flush the toilet is always something I will prepare for now, after seeing a turd attached to the handle. 

The Port-a-loos

To some people, some disgusting people these aren't regular toilets. Some 'people' decide that aslong as their waste is somewhere within that space then its good. They will even walk out confidently and not even acknowledge you as you walk in after them. I have seen so many turds on a toilet seat now that it doesn't even affect me anymore. Also the crapper suddenly turns into something else for some people - a place to do drugs and a place to have sex. Seeing used condoms have become the norm. Apparently their tent just won't do.

The People

I completely understand that people are there to have fun, and God-willing so was I. Although there is a difference between some of us. Some of us can have fun whilst also having respect. To me throwing cups of piss isn't fun, pushing through people is not fun and been rude and obnoxious is not fun. We are all there to have fun and we all have paid for our ticket so a little respect is not too much to ask for. To the guy that did coke in the open and nearly pissed on our tent whilst butt-ass-naked should take note - more then a thousand people hate you.

The Cost

The choice of food is amazing. You can have food from any place on earth. You can eat like a King - aslong as you have the money of a King. I love Mexican food so you can understand the food-gasm I had when I saw the Mexican food truck. Fajitas, burritos, nachos oh my. I was gutted when I saw the price list. £8 for a single fajita - one wrap and a spoonful of chicken and vegetables. It was delicious but the taste of bitterness I had when I forked over the money lingered longer then the spices. Everything costs, its ridiculous. I easily spent £150 over 3 days - and I didn't even eat 3 meals a day.

The Fashion

Festival fashion is celebrated for its unique look. A mixture of styles and an opportunity to wear whatever you want to feel comfortable. All of this seems to have been lost amongst festival-goers this year. I was forever having to look in a different direction for fear of heaving. I like denim shorts don't get me wrong, paired with the right accessories and clothes they can look great. However, wearing them as what can only be described as underwear is not the right way. I am sorry to the ladies I am sure I am about to offend - please learn what size you are! Its easy, try a few different sizes and see which one fits, you won't have to constantly pull it out of your butt or va-jay-jay. To all the women who do know their size well done and thank you. 

To the men who still think its cute to wear character onesies - it isn't. To all the men who wear the man-kini - BORAT WAS 7 YEARS AGO! Women, don't wear a strapless party dress - you will regret it but you will have amazing upper arm muscles from having to pull it up every 6 seconds. Don't be an idiot and wear high heels - you know where you are! Leather pencil skirt? Seriously? And on a personal note, to the men with great bodies that go topless - please stop, my self loathing was peaking (also thank you for supplying the eye candy). Basically be comfortable, wear the oversized tee, wear the clothes that fit, wear a funky headdress, wear crazy make-up - people will judge you less for being smart in your choices. I saw too many crotches that weekend. 

Food Glorious Food

I hate cooking. Can't stand it. I find it annoying and takes way too long. My main issue is I love food so much that I don't want to wait for it. If Sainsburys could build their deli counter in my kitchen I would be living the dream. However my hatred for cooking is surpassed by my addiction to cookery shows.

Watching other people cook is a passion of mine. Gordon Ramsey is my food God. I could watch him for hours, and I do; Kitchen Nightmares, Hell's Kitchen, Masterchef US .... I watch them all (I even watched Gordon's Hotel Nightmares because I love him so much).

I enjoy watching the shows that show cooking but the most amazing ones are competition ones. THEY ARE THE BEST. Food Network Challenge is the King of all competitions. Basically 4 different speciality chefs compete to win $10,000 and amazing bragging rights. My favourite ones are the huge cakes or sugar sculptures and I don't know if its the evil twin side of me coming out, but I pray they fall. The tension watching them transfer their creation from the kitchen to the show table has me holding my breath on the edge of my seat. Its more tense than any horror movie could wish for. Watching the cakes that have taken 8 hours to create smash on the floor, it makes me happy. I can't help it.

If I could be anyone from the food world (I would pick Gordon, but he is perfect and I would screw everything up) I would be Adam Richman from Man Vs. Food. He has the best job in the world. He gets paid to travel the world and attempt food challenges HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TO COMPLETE THE CHALLENGE. I know envy is a sin, but Jesus forgive me I am jealous.