10 Ways To Get Over A Crush

After my time on this planet I have learnt a few things. One of them been how to get over a crush. I find it a very good skill to have as I have fallen victim to the crush monster one or two (hundred) times. Some have been major and life consuming, and some have been a bit meh. A crush is a weird thing, its a pain that you don't mind having so much, you suffer but sometimes it is nice to know that you have this emotion. You have the ability to like someone on such a level that you convince yourself that you are ready for a commitment, and you are ready for someone to know every nook and cranny of you. So after all these times and occasions I have formed a short list of things you can do to get over a crush - lets go.

1. Tell your friends your emotions. Sharing is caring in this case. It may be hard to admit this truth because it can be very revealing of you, but I can guarantee that your friend will make you feel better - because they will no doubt tell you how good you are and awful your crush is. Winner.

2. Cry. Let it out and let it go. Crying is a great thing, its like you get to flush everything out in one big go - a colonic for the soul if you will.

3. Go outside. A distraction can do you the world of good. Go do something different and meet different people, you never know you may meet your next crush - or lover if you're lucky.

4. Look at yourself. You aren't a bad person but you can take this time to re-evaluate yourself. Why didn't your crush like you? Time for a bit of tough love. This could do you a lot of good though, improve yourself on the outside and feel better on the inside.

5. Watch a romantic movie. This could sound like torture, but it doesn't have to be. In a lot of romantic films you see a lot of ups and downs in a person's love life - now place yourself in the movie, you are only half way through you're story. Your happy ending hasn't happened yet, but if Julia Roberts/Sandra Bullock/Jennifer Aniston/Reese Witherspoon/Katherine Heigl have taught me anything, it's coming.

6. Listen to sad music. Personally I find depressing music the best type of music, and in times when having to get over crushes it can become a crutch. It is nice to know that someone has been going through the same thing - and they put it to a nice melody and make it rhyme. Plus getting to mime your pain in a mirror whilst imagining you're Taylor Swift never hurt anyone.

7. Find their flaws. This might sound cruel, but for so long you have been focused on their best features. It can be therapeutic to notice the things about them that ain't so pretty.

8. Out of sight, out of mind. If it is too bad a reminder of what you don't have every time you see them, then get away. Step aside, leave the room, get on a bus. It isn't going to do your confidence any good when you have to remind yourself that you don't have what you want.

9. Be aware of a relapse. Getting over a crush can take a long long time, it is hard work and sometimes you may find that you slip. You catch a glimpse and you just melt, they say hello and you want to grab them or their name pops up on your phone and a smile comes across your face that rivals the cheshire cat. This is okay. We aren't perfect.

10. Admit defeat. Maybe they are with someone else or a thousand miles away, it is time for you to move on, wipe the tear off your face, shake your hair in to messy yet stylish style and walk on with the pride of Beyonce. However don't confuse this defeat with failure. The fact that you aren't with the person you want has nothing to do with your own self worth. Some things are beyond your control.

I hope these 10 steps help someone, a crush can be soul destroying and really knock your self confidence - but they don't have to. Letting go and moving on is a process, it won't happen over night and you will relapse - this isn't failure, this is all part of it. So go on and go forth, don't let your crush end you. There is someone out there that will crush on you.

People Change: How To Deal With It

The great Leslie Knope once said 'Every time a couple gets married, two single people die', and boy how true this is. When your friends suddenly find someone to have a relationship with everything can change. It can be hard on the friend left behind though, as happy as you are for your friend you can't help but feel replaced. I am a survivor of such a problem so I thought I would impart some knowledge on you folks.

My first piece of advise would be to accept it. The quicker you accept the change the happier you will be. If you used to speak everyday, this will change. If you used to hang out a lot, this will change. It can't be stopped because suddenly your friend has someone else who will take up a lot of their time. They are trying to build a future together and as harsh as it can sound - you are in the way. Before your friend would text you with every musing they have and every issue they have - but now they don't need you anymore.

You may felt you are the one person that knew everything about your friend when they were single, you aren't that person anymore. Let it go. You will always have a bond with your friend if you truly love each other, but now someone has one upped you. They will get to know this person on a whole other level than you never will. This is one of the hardest things to deal with because you will instantly feel like you have been pushed back. Again acceptance is your friend in this situation. It is not the same anymore.

You have to try your best not to be bitter. Yes things have changed, but for your friend that have got a hell of a lot better. Your life hasn't changed for the better, but thats ok. Better to have one miserable person in this world than having two. Relationships take work and time, time they will take away from you. You now have been given the gift of time, not a great thing but maybe you can concentrate on other friends, or maybe even get a hobby.

There is no way around it, it sucks. In life things will change without your consent. It can't always be the same, and you have to acknowledge that so you can give yourself the power to move on with things. That person is still your friend but it isn't the same anymore. I know from experience that as much as they text/call less as time goes by so will you. You don't want to feel like your annoying or getting in the way. You don't want your friend's partner to resent you for taking time away from them - they are more important than you unfortunately.

I think the message of this post is acceptance. Things change. People change. Situations change. You have to roll with the punches - even if the punches hurt.

I want a 'Jim-and-Pam-Relationship'

I was way behind with this show, in fact it finished before I even watched the first episode. I was sceptical, I watched the first episode of the english version of 'The Office'. It didn't get me and I it. Unfortunately a lot of Ricky Gervais' comedy goes right over my head. However my best friend (Netflix) recommended this to me due to my interests in 'Parks and Recreation' (Amy Poehler's amazing show). I thought why not, I don't have a social life to contend with so I have time to watch a 9 series show. After the first episode I was hooked, hello to a new binge. I watched every single episode in an extremely short amount of time, and then for some reason I then watched it backwards.

There are many great things about this show from the extreme characters to the so-real-its-awkward moments. For me the best thing about this show is the Jim and Pam romance. Its starts off with Pam being in a relationship with someone else and Jim been a cool single guy, but there is something there. They have this amazing bond that has grown from the love of pranks, air high fives and stolen glances. They have a great friendship that many would find hard to understand and often be perceived as something more. Then (SPOILER ALERT) in season 3 they actually get together, Pam calls off her wedding and they finally admit their love for each other. 

Their relationship is written so perfectly through out the next 6 seasons. They have their ups and downs but throughout it all they have love. I can honestly say I cried at many points watching them. Jim's little glances at the camera when Pam says or does something are beautiful, Pam constantly looking at Jim with nothing but love in her eyes. The wedding was so good, when they are on the boat under Niagara Falls and Pam leans in to Jim, Jim looks at the camera with nothing but love and happiness in his eyes - I bawled. When Pam blames Jim for the breakdown in her parents relationship because of something he said, Pam finds out its because Jim described their relationship so perfectly that Pam's Dad realised he didn't have that with his wife; Pam says the most beautiful line :

Everything they are is for each other, they are best friends as well as lovers. They have everything a relationship should have in my opinion. I want someone who I can tell my darkest thoughts with, who I can trust with all my secrets and weird habits. I don't think that that this a big ask. Jim and Pam did it. I know they are fictional, but I also know some couples will watch them and feel like they have been portrayed on TV. Watching them there is never a thought that one is more lucky to have the other than the other, they are lucky that they found each other. They were friends for four years before anything remotely happened, I may not be totally out of luck yet ...

There are so many highlights to this relationship - the teapot, the DVD, finding out they're expecting, the wedding, the proposal, the first kiss, Jim asking her out for the first date, Pam admitting it was because of Jim she called of her own wedding - just so many I could sit and talk about them for hours. What makes this relationship even better for me is that it wasn't based on physical connection, (sure they are both hot) it was personality. When you meet that one person who you just click with you don't give up, Jim didn't. People say friends shouldn't become lovers. Why not? Yes, you could risk losing a friendship, but you could end up with so much more, you could end up with everything. It only takes one person. 

  

"I didn’t watch the whole documentary. After a few episodes, it was too painful. I kept wanting to scream at Pam. It took me so long to do so many important things. It’s just hard to accept that I spent so many years being less happy than I could have been. Jim was five feet from my desk, and it took me four years to get to him. It’d be great if people saw this documentary and learned from my mistakes. Not that I’m a tragic person. I’m really happy now. But… it would just make my heart soar, if someone out there saw this and she said to herself, "Be strong. Trust yourself, love yourself. Conquer your fears. Just go after what you want. And act fast, because life just isn’t that long." - Pam Beesly Halpert

"Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl, who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do, which was just to… wait. Don’t get me wrong, I flirted with her. Pam, I can now admit in front of friends and family, that I do know how to make a photocopy — didn’t need your help that many times. And, uh, do you remember how long it took you to teach me how to drive stick? I’ve been driving stick since high school, so… For a really long time that’s all I had. Little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend. And, a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl I work with, but I think, even then I knew that… I was waiting for my wife." - Jim Halpert