My New Reality

I am a huge reality television junkie. It is often thought of as the lower class of TV but I am here to tell you that whoever thinks that is wrong. I watch a lot of it and I can confidently say it supplies some of the best moments in television history. We get some characters that just can't be written, we get the shock value that some shows can't even fathom and the one liners are endless; these reality stars are the kings and queens of the sound bite.

My history in reality TV is long and varied. Like everyone I started with Big Brother UK, which is when I ventured into the US and Canadian versions. Then I started watching the likes of The Hills and The City on MTV and Keeping Up With The Kardashians on E! This grew into a love of reality shows that followed 'normal' people around, then the world gifted us the "Real Housewives' franchises (I must say I only watched 3 of them, even I can't keep up with all of the cities). I love these shows for the drama and the escape they provide. I also developed a love for the reality/competition hybrids like Project Runway and America's Next Top Model, which has developed into me practically watching any competition show for every industry in the world, whether it be cooking or make-up.

As a gift from me to you I have found new reality shows that need to be celebrated for their greatness (before their untimely demise, which happens a lot in the reality world). Let's go.

The Real Housewives of Potomac

I always said I will only watch three franchises of the 'Real Housewives' brand (New York, Atlanta and New Jersey), but I decided I would try this one out. I started this year so I thought I would get into this one from the word go. It obviously follows the premise of the all the others, I mean if it ain't broke why fix it? This time it is set in Potomac; yep, I have never heard of it either - but this is something they are very proud of it.
Two of the wives have taken the spotlight so far. We have Gizelle, she is a single divorcee with 3 daughters - she has the sass of Nene (Atlanta) and take no shit attitude of Bethenny (New York), she could definitely be the star of this residence. Then we have Karen, she is the epitome of old money and the only wife who seems to be an actual wife. She doesn't take to newcomers and she makes no apologies even if she is in the wrong. She has a stare that could turn my heart to ice.
So far this show has peeked my interest, it has the right amount of drama that it doesn't seem fake - I mean some of the drama is petty but we need that. Also if you're into your drinking games you should take a shot everytime 'etiquette' is mentioned - you will be wasted within the first 10 minutes.

Ellen's Design Challenge

I love anything that Ellen Degeneres does, so of course when she announces she is creating a furniture design program of course I was going to be watching. I would actually watch any competition show that features anything creative, and I have. I am in awe of some of the things that are created on this show, and I never thought I would be so excited over a well executed chair! 

One thing this show is missing is drama, you can tell with some reality competition shows that the cast is half chosen for the fire they may bring, regardless of their talent. This show does not do that. Their competitors are very serious, very hard working and very talented. And I love that about this show, there is no distracting hissy fits here just amazing work. I love a show that I can learn something from, and I honestly believe that given the right tools I may be able to whittle a table leg!

Dance Moms

I am a little late to the party with this one, I have only watched the new season and this is the fifth season. It was already on my radar but I honestly thought I would have no interest in this show. However, my favourite Youtuber (Mamrie Hart) is obsessed with it so I thought I would give it a go - so glad I did. It is is cringe TV. How can these grown women act like this? In front of their kids? They have no filter, they will slam each other's daughters, act like they are this little clique that we are all desperate to get into. Some of their actions are embarrassing, but it is great TV! Abbie Lee (the owner of the dance company) frustrates the crap out of me sometimes, but I understand she is going through some legal issues right now so I'll step back. 

The true stars of this show are the dancers, through all the crap the mothers are putting them through they stay concentrated on what they are doing, they compete and they win. The dance competitions at the end of each episode really showcase the talents of these kids and it is inspiring, really need to work on my alignment. 

Pitch Slapped

A reality television show about competing high school acapella choirs? Yes! This is what our TV schedule was missing. When you see this advertised you just know that I will be the one watching. I enjoy live performances on TV shows, combine them with competitions and drama then you have a hit. This show features two competing school choirs, Stay Tuned from Cherry Hill and Highlands Voices from Allendale. Stay Tuned always come second to Highlands Voices whenever they have competed in the past. 

So now with the help from a guy called Deke Sharon they plan to win the next acapella tournament, Highlands also have a new leader in the shape of Diana Preisler. Deke and Diana are sworn enemies in the acapella world so it's become personal for them to beat the other. 

This show is a lighthearted look at the fierce world of acapella competition, we see tears and triumphs. I am completely absorbed into this show and I cannot wait to see who wins the finale next week (my money is on Stay Tuned). 

Honourable Mention

Mob Wives

I have watched this show from the very beginning, from the first episode I became obsessed with these women and their lives. You think 'Real Housewives of anywhere' has drama? They should find a seat and sit down. These women are actually related to the mob one way or another, so their drama is of the highest calibre (mixed with the petty stuff we come to expect). 'Loyalty', 'Rat' and 'Fuck' are just some of the terms that you will have to get comfortable hearing about a million times an episode. By the way 'loyalty' is the most important thing, a 'Rat' is the scum of the earth who may have cooperated with the police in their time - so don't call someone one without the truth to back it up, don't compare anyone to one and don't judge someone because they may be related to one, and 'Fuck' is used in almost every sentence spoken, it slips in nicely anywhere.

The reason I mention it is because it is on its last season, VH1 have pulled the plug or the ladies have decided to shut it down - I don't know, but I will miss this show. It had everything I could need from a reality show. It definitely taught me some things about the mob I never knew, it entertained me and at times it shocked me. 

Today we lost a great, beautiful woman. Angela "Big Ang" Raiola lost her battle to cancer this morning. She was the runaway star of the show. She supplied the laughs we all need in our lives, she consoled the other women during their hard times and most importantly she was a great woman. She never started an argument on the show, she was the peacekeeper. Credit to how great she is that she is the only star of the show that go their own spin off.

I hate that we were only aware of her for the last few years because of the success of the show, I wish she was on television years ago. She gave us golden moments and she will never be forgotten. Rest in peace Angela. 

The Gay Agenda

We are here to destroy the sanctity of marriage. We want to turn babies gay. We want to bring down religions. We want to spit in God's face. We want there to be gay clubs on every street corner. We want to walk down the street in assless chaps. We want the Union Jack to be rainbow coloured. We want to make everyone uncomfortable. We want to tell everyone what happens in the bedroom, hell we don't want to keep it in the bedroom anymore. We want to adopt all the babies and raise them gay. We want everyone to be gay. GAY IS THE WAY!

Nope. Fuck that.

I can't believe that it is 2015 and we still have to fight for gay rights. Rights, not privileges. I have wrote a post before about gay rights about a year ago and I honestly thought the world was on the turn (not because of my post), there were great strides in support for the gay community. And yet here I am still raging about it.

Just today on Buzzfeed it showed a group in a high school in Pennsylvania staging an 'Anti-gay day', they all decided to wear flannel shirts and the cross with the words 'anti gay' written on their hands. What I find funny about this is that they didn't do their research very well, a flannel shirt is pretty much the uniform for 'bears' in the gay community. Idiots. And do you know why they created this day? They did it because 2 days prior a group of LGBT students and supporters staged a 'day of silence' event aimed at drawing attention to anti-gay bullying. Irony completely lost on the idiots in flannel.

I am actually disappointed in myself because I let myself down, when someone assumes I am gay (which I am) I get offended. I ask myself, how do they know? Is my voice gay? Is my body language gay? Am I dressed gay? I get offended because of all the negative connotations of being gay that have been drummed into me from society and the media. It is never ever a compliment to say 'oh, that's so gay!' 'Faggot' isn't an affectionate word. 'Queer' literally means strange. I want to be proud of who I am, I don't ever deny that I am gay - but I see so many punches been thrown, forcing me to keep quiet.

I just watched a documentary about Russia (presented by the great Reggie Yates on BBC3), I have never been so thankful for not being russian. Looks like hell over there. People will literally live their life trying to stop the 'gay propaganda'. They believe that gay people either want to have sex with the children of Russia or at the very least turn them gay. They can't have pride marches or festivals celebrating their lives because they will get arrested, thrown in jail or even killed. This isn't 50-60 years ago - this is today! Can you believe that? How backward is this? I have said this before but it seems to bare repeating - Gay isn't a choice! I wouldn't choose to be gay in a million years, it is just who I am.

Gay people aren't asking for much, literally nothing more than acceptance. We aren't asking for special treatment, we are just asking for the same. Give us the same respect you would your fellow straight man/woman. Give us the same basic rights. Let us live our lives without fear. We didn't ask for this, it is ingrained in us. We aren't trying to turn anyone else gay, god knows I don't need the competition! Allow us to adopt so we can start our own families, better to have two same sex parents than none at all right? Allow us to marry in peace, we love to love so why can't we celebrate that and commit ourselves to one other person? I have a lot of questions but I think they all have easy answers. I promise nothing will change if you accept us. We won't ruin the sanctity of marriage - hell we may even last longer than Britney's 55 hour marriage or Kim's 72 day marriage. We have been suffocated for too long - let us breathe.

My YouTubers

I used to spend a lot of time on YouTube, trawling through all the popular videos, all the ones that went viral so I could keep up with the kids. After a while it can get boring, only so many times you can watch a cat play the piano. So I started to subscribe to some of my favourite channels and now its a daily chore to keep up with them all, but not in a bad way - I am highly entertained and even better for me the videos tend to be around five minutes long so just long enough to keep my attention. I have quite a varied taste in my choices so as a favour from me to you I thought I would create a list of my favourite channels - you can thank me later when you finally have something to do at 2am.

WatchMojo

This channel is perfect for me. It lists everything!!! They release multiple top tens every week. Some I am not interest in, but so many that I am. I got hooked when certain top tens such as 'Top 10 Ways to Die in a Horror Film' and 'Top 10 Scream Queens'. I love a list, and the videos give you some nice little facts that you don't care about knowing but glad that you do.

TroyeSivan18
He is a YouTuber that has become famous fast. He was born in South Africa and now resides in Australia. Some of his videos are personal, some collaborations, some comedy and some where he sings. I enjoy all the topics that he covers and he isn't so bad on the eye either.

Side Effects - AwesomenessTV
If you are anything like me (and I know a lot of people aspire to be) then you will love this. Think Glee mixed with Party Of Five. Of course one of the main things in it which I love with no shame at all - it has musical numbers!!! And they aren't for nothing, the main character takes medication and the side effect (get it?) is that she sees people singing and performing when they aren't. It leads to many emotion filled songs as well as some fun ditties. Glozell and Grace Helbig also guest star so it has something for everyone (mainly me).

Grace Helbig
I may have spoken about her before in my YouTube Queens post, but she needs repeating because she has a new channel now! Its basically the same premise but less ruled. She has gone a lot more free spirit, I think it might be because she isn't in a partnership anymore. Well, anyway I love the new channel - always has me laughing and when she guests stars Mamrie or Hannah I get extremely excited.

The Ellen Show
My love for Ellen is deep and its real. She can do no wrong, she is proof that there is good in the world. Her actual show isn't in England much to my shame of my country (they show it in China but not the UK?!?). So I have to settle for her YouTube channel and I can say with confidence I have seen every video they have posted. She makes me cry and laugh and she inspires me. We could all benefit from being a bit more Ellen.

Jimmy Fallon
If there is a style of TV show we are missing in England it is the nightly talk show. Yes we have fridays and saturdays with Graham and Jonathan, but in the USA they have something every week night, and for me the king of late night talk shows is Jimmy Fallon. He seems to be friends with everyone so every interview is like eaves dropping on the coolest kids in school. Some of his videos have become huge viral hits, don't know what I am talking about then watch these little nuggets :

You're welcome

IISuperwomanII

She is another YouTuber who does vlogs and comedy. She is so hilarious. Some of her videos are her talking in to the camera, and there are some skits. She gets millions of views and every single one of them is deserved. My favourites are when she goes on a rant, I love a rant. She speaks so eloquently and with such confidence I want to give her a round of applause when she is done. I am new to this channel but I am gonna be subscribed for a hell of a long time. 

Girl Talk

This could be me revealing a little something that I should probably keep to myself. It truly reveals the fact that I was born a middle aged woman. So here goes. I love American Talk Shows. I can watch them for hours. I will watch them on TV. I will watch them on the computer. I will even watch them on my phone. Its hard to explain what it is about them but I will have a go.

You may have noticed that I made a point about them being American - this was on purpose. England just cannot do the same, we have tried and we have failed. 'The View' got big in America so we created 'Loose Women' - by no stretch of the imagination is it as good. I get bored with 'Loose Women', I have yet to get bored of 'The View'. Even when they talk about politics they have my attention. I think it must be because of the way American's show passion. Don't get me wrong us Brit's can show passion, we will acknowledge it and move on - our American friends will go bat-shit-crazy about something until everyone has heard; and I love it.

There are many types of moments that I love in these talk shows. I love the drama - watch Rosie O'Donnell vs. Elizabeth Hasslebeck on YouTube (amazing). These women are not afraid to say what they feel no matter how controversial. On 'The Real' they will often call white people 'vanilla' and Asian people 'yellow' - can you imagine if that happened in England. The show would be off the air, people would call for the hosts resignation and written apologies and they would appear teary eyed in the middle pages of The Sun being all regretful and shiz. Other moments are the touching moments. The Queen, Ellen, has made me cry any more times than I think anyone else has in my life. She tells stories of people from anywhere in the country if she feels they need to be told. I have literally watched every Ellen Degeneres YouTube clip in existence - I have laughed and cried - often catching the attention of others.

So for my advise (which I seem to be increasingly comfortable doing) to England is to do your research. Watch 'The Ellen Degeneres Show', 'The Talk', 'The View', 'The Real' and 'Oprah'. Take notes. Take your time in picking a cast (don't go for the new hot reality stars!). Get a good set. Get some good stories. Get some amazing prizes. Get some RELEVANT guests, I can't stress the word 'relevant' anymore but most importantly give them a chance; if the show doesn't get record viewers in the first week just give it time.

I have even helped with the casting choice (these were off the top of my head - no doubt I will wake up in a cold sweat with more choices).

Crazy Crushes - Female Edition

We all have them. We question them a lot. There are a number of reasons why we have them and why we question them. I call them crazy crushes. Crazy because it will never happen, there could be a million excuses as to why, you have accepted these reason - but the heart doesn't stop beating for them. You wish them all the best in life; but don't lie to yourself - you are gutted when they are happy with someone else.

I thought I would share my celebrity crazy crushes (we are not close enough, or drunk enough for me to reveal my real life tragic crazy crushes). I will also try to grade our chance of love out of 10 should I ever become a Hollywood stud muffin.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus
I have loved her since The New Adventures of Old Christine but it became real after watching Veep. It could be her character that started the crush, but her face cemented it. She is beautiful. However, she has been married for 26 years and has 2 children
Chance of love - 0/10

Amy Poehler
Comedic Goddess and I am not just talking about her amazing role of Leslie in Parks and Rec. Everything she touches turn to comedy gold. She has 2 children, but has recently got divorced.
Chance of love - 1/10

Tina Fey
Another genius of comedy (I'm starting to see a pattern in my tastes). Beautiful, smart and rocks those thick framed glasses. However, she is married and has 2 kids
Chance of love - 0/10

Mindy Kaling
A huge turn on for me (you listening ladies *wink wink*) is awkwardness. I don't understand why but it warms my heart watching someone be awkward. She is wonderfully awkward (sorry Zooey). She also wrote her own show and stars in it - she got some balls. Not married and no kids.
Chance of love 1/10

Ellen DeGeneres
I often get caught in what us fans call the 'Ellen Trap'. Its where you watch one video of hers on YouTube and before you know you have watched 25 videos and you wonder where your life went. However one word ruins the dream - Lesbian.
Chance of love - 0/10

Victoria Beckham
She is everything. I LOVE HER. She is perfect and I will scratch the eyes out of anyone who says otherwise. She was always my fave Spice Girl. Now she is in the fashion world and her designs (even her haters can't deny) are amazing. However - David, David, David how could anyone compete? And 4 children!?
Chance of love 0/10

Adele
She is hilarious, she makes me cry and she has a truckload of record sales. Her music is beautiful but what attracts me the most to Miss Adkins is her personality. She is so funny, so real and not to sound nasty because I never could be against Adele - she is common as muck - and I love her. However, she just knocked out a kid and she is in a happy relationship. Guess I'll just have to wait for the music.
Chance of love 1/10

The Girls of 'Girls'
This show is amazeballs. So funny and so real. I love all the main girls for individual reasons.
Hannah (Lena Dunham) - her self confidence in her writing met with her self doubt in life make her special. Lena's portrayal of her in the second season with the OCD was amazing to watch.
Marnie (Allison Williams) - she is desperate to be loved but is scared when it happens. Her fashion choices are great (plastic dress?!?) and her singing was beautiful (Stronger?!?)
Jessa (Jemima Kirke) - I am envious of her hippy/gypsy lifestyle. She goes and does whatever she wants. I want to follow.
Shoshanna (Zosia Mamet) - her kid like, Charlotte-from-sex-and-the-city-innocence meets up-tightness make her one of my faves on the show. She is adorable and hilarious.
However, I will never be cool enough to be in the same room as these ladies - ever. I don't even think I am cool enough to go to Brooklyn.
Chance of love - 0/10