The VMA's Restyled By Me

To say the least I was disappointed by the fashion on the red carpet at this years MTV VMA's. It was boring or weird. There was no happy middle ground. If I had to pick some of the best dressed it would be Katy Perry, Ciara and Ellie Goulding. I respected Rita Ora's choice because she chose to go with a bang - nothing says bang like a 20 foot feathered train. 

When it comes to some of these events there are certain people we look out for; these are the fashionable, edgy, cool, classy girls who pull something out of the bag. They may not shock us but they let us know that they are fashion aware and know how to dress. I was hugely disappointed with Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, Lady Gaga, Rihanna and Miley Cyrus.

Miley Cyrus
What she wore - Dolce and Gabanna
What I would have put her in - Chanel Fall Couture 2013

She is trying too hard here to bring the 90's trend back. It's over the top whilst still being simple. I have a thing against leggings - don't like them and I never will. Pairing them up with oversized gems just angers me. Her hair looks stupid and I am a huge supporter of her new shorter do - but what the hell are those small buns all about? They only looked good on Scary Spice.
I put her in a silver dress from Chanel. I picked this because it keeps her looking youthful aswell as having a bit of a 90's throwback with the smaller skirt over the longer skirt. The length would be perfect on her and allow her to play with footwear - I would consider a shocking pink platform pump. Her shorter hair would also go flawlessly with this look, but instead of buns I would scrape it all back and add some volume on top.

Selena Gomez
What she wore - Atelier Versace
What I would have put her in -  Dior Fall Couture 2013

Lets all remember she is only 21. These are the perfect years to have fun and experiment fashion wise. It looks like she pulled this out of an ageing american soap-star's closet. It's tacky even for a 40 year old woman. I appreciate the playfulness of it with the revealing of undergarments, but there is no shape to it; where is her waist? It's so blah that even a revealed breast doesn't help it. Also full length sleeves should only be worn by women ashamed of their upper arms - I doubt she has this problem.
I put her in this cute Dior dress. The colour is a much more fun and a youthful blue than the one she chose. It's a bit risqué with the slit down the front of the middle of the dress, but it doesn't cross the line into trashy. The length is great for her as she doesn't have the longest of legs, so having it end above the knee will definitely create length. I am also in love with the material manipulation which gives the dress a seamless appearance.

Lady Gaga
What she wore -  Prabal Gurung
What I would have put her in - Giambattista Valli Spring Couture 2013

This dress she chose was so lacklustre, there is nothing special about it and the material is way too shiny that all I see is trash bags. Its like an unconventional materials challenge on 'Project Runway' gone wrong. It looks badly made and the bow is just sad. For a woman who loves to push boundaries she just looks boring.
The dress I chose isn't that different to her choice. Its black, has a fishnet material and isn't too out there. I feel my choice just speaks better for Gaga. Its fun and unconventional whilst being fashionable and edgy. Also I deliberately chose to give her blonde/white hair as it just stands out more and completes the look - she doesn't look so much like Helena Bonham Carter's weird little sister anymore.

Taylor Swift
What she wore - Hervé Léger by Max Azria
What I would have put her in - Ellie Saab Fall Couture 2013

One word for the dress she chose was 'blah' - my god it is so boring, We all know Taylor is loaded so she could have bought any dress she wanted. In recent years she has made some great choices (see the Grammy's this year) but what happened? She has gone for a column dress which are normally reserved for a shorter gal as they give length - Taylor does not need added height. It completely leaves her shapeless and it is so boring. Paired with the hair she looks 20 years older easily - never mind being 22 try 42.
The dress I chose isn't out there because at the end of the day she needs to be comfortable. I chose this emerald green Ellie Saab dress as I think it is very her (especially in the direction she should be going in). Its classy with an added something. The added something is a bit of sparkle but not in a trashy way. The sheerness will keep the youthfulness whilst the 3/4 length sleeve and full length keeps it respectable. This dress has a dropped back so we will see a gorgeous back and profile.

Rihanna
What she wore - Muscle shirt with a picture of MC Lyte and skinny cropped jeans.
What I would have put her in - Bouchra Jarrar Fall Couture 2013

I'm stuck with this one; on one hand I applaud her for choosing to keep it cool and comfortable, on the other hand I really think she could have at least tried. She was obviously in a mood where she didn't give a shit and just came to watch the show, collect her cheque and get gone. She did however provide the best entertainment from the show with her amazing unimpressed expressions.
To keep with her easy laid back style I chose this complete look from Bouchra Jarrar. I decided to keep her in trousers as she has legs for days so she always look amazing in them, I chose a cropped top because she has the abs I would kill for and then a baggy layer on top to keep the street look she has perfected. However from this look I would get rid of the belt - its overkill.

P.S excuse the shocking photoshop-ing, its late and I really wanted to do this post.

I am worth it, God-damn it!

I am not mad at women, I am just incredibly jealous. A woman can decide what her face looks like first thing in the morning, where as I am stuck with what The Good Lord blessed/cursed me with everyday. I am of course talking about make-up. Women can hide any blemish, skin colour variation and even spots with a dab of make-up - I cannot. I don't understand the double standard. Why can't men wear make-up in everyday society? If I was to go out and someone noticed that I had a full face of make-up; the ridicule I would face would hurt.

I am not saying that I want to wear coloured eye-shadows, thick eye-liner or a killer red lip. I just want concealer for men to be a thing. Make me look naturally blemish free. Is that too much to ask for? God has tested me by giving me patchy skin -  parts that are red and others that are pale white; they don't blend together and having rosy red cheeks at 24 isn't cute. I will admit that I have worn foundation before on nights out. It give me a little more confidence because I knew that I was photo ready - as drunk as I was I knew that my skin looked amazing. When I say photo ready I mean that my skin was one less thing to worry about - hair and body issues were still very prominent.

So women I tip my hat to you. You have the confidence to put something on your face and go out in to the world. Some may go overboard and some may not be sure what colours suit them - but at the end of the day you have done something that shows the world a little bit more of your personality. 'Maybelline' and 'L'oreal' get you shit together and get on that man make-up - I'm telling ya, put a sports star on it and you will make a shed load. I would like a cut of profits as this is my own money making scheme idea; because I am worth it, God damn it.

Craig's Big Reunion

So Itv2 have announced there will be a second season of 'The Big Reunion'. First of all they will do a season following the first bunch of bands and then a whole new crop will be announced. I can imagine we will probably see East 17 and a bunch of boy-bands that made the girls cry in the 90's. However, I feel like they should take advice from me. I am a voice that speaks for boys and girls alike after all. So I have picked 7 bands that will make the show epic, instead of a chorus of middle aged woman singing along to 'Stay Another Day' - they could showcase just how much talent has been forgotten. So, my 7 picks are as follows-

1. Spice Girls
These were the 90's, there is no one bigger or better. It would be quite a coup to get these ladies in one room for so long (they are all quite busy) and I am pretty sure they don't need the show as they could announce a tour tomorrow and it would be sold out the day after. Still throw some money at them and we could get some magic.

2. The Pussycat Dolls
Nicole and the girls were amazing. They pumped out song after song that everyone fell in love with (you would be surprised with how many words you know of theirs). The girls can put on a show with legs flailing everywhere and Nicole reaching those notes only she can. It would be nice to have all 6, but 5 will do - it has been 4 years, we have suffered enough without them.

3. S Club 7
I picked these even though I was strictly Steps back in the day. Their songs are catchy as hell and we all know the words. Some of us even know the dance to 'Reach' - just saying. I feel if they don't do something soon people will get over this nostalgia kick we all seem to be on and they will miss out on some serious dollar.

4. All Saints
They tried a reunion not long back but it didn't take off, even though I bought the album and it was really good. They were the smoother, cooler version of Spice Girls. 'Pure Shores' still remains as one of my favourite songs today. After Nicole's recent woes a nice tour would be good to get her mind off things.

5. Mis-Teeq
These were clearly our answer to Destiny's Child, and they didn't disappoint. I fell in love with their music almost as soon as I heard 'Why'. Alesha's MC-ing was amazing and I proudly still know most the words to them. Their songs were cool and slick with a nice RnB edge. I just hope Alesha hasn't got too big to play second fiddle to Sabrina.

6. Danity Kane
You may be asking yourself who these are. Well shame on you. I my self am so immersed in American pop culture I am willing to give you an education. This group was formed by Diddy for MTV's 'Making The Band'. They released 2 number 1 albums in America, but their time was cut short due to conflict with management and themselves. They have since announced they will be coming back as a foursome (without D. Woods) and I think this would be an amazing opportunity to finally make it in the UK. YouTube 'Damaged' or 'Bad Girl' to witness the magic of Danity Kane.

7. Cleopatra
I was in love with these sisters. I bought every single one of their singles and my Dad even stole a cardboard cut out of them from a music store for me. Cleo's voice floored me everytime, she recently tried out for 'The Voice' and got to the semi-finals. I feel this was beneath her and she could be doing so much more. If the group reunites they could show just how much our music scene has missed them. 'Touch of Love' truly shows off their vocals - listen and enjoy.

Friend's of Friends

'Friends' is without a doubt one of my favourite TV shows of all time. I literally watch it every day. I fall asleep to it every night. Without it on I can find it hard to fall asleep. Its like my night light and a distraction from thoughts at the same time. The 6 main characters are of course my favourite aspect of the show but one of the best features of the show are the guest stars. They bring the crazy and also it lets us see some of our favourite actors in a different light. These are my top 10.

10. Danny Devito - Roy, The Stripper

Rachel and Monica have to book a stripper last minute for Phoebe's bridal shower. Hilarity ensues as Roy walks through the door. Phoebe is of course disgusted but Roy has a sob story so the ladies allow him to perform one more time.

9. Winona Ryder - Melissa

Melissa is an old sorority sister of Rachel. Rachel reveals that Melissa and her both kissed, Phoebe does not believe so Rachel invites her along to dinner. Melissa denies before admitting that she is in love with Rachel and always has been. Also Rachel and Phoebe kiss at the end - something for everybody.

8. Susan Sarandon - Jessica

Jessica is the star of 'Day's of Our Lives' - unbeknownst to her she is being written out and her brain will be going to Joey's character. Favourite scene of this episode for me is when Rachel and Monica meet her and portray the perfect fandom moment.

7. Anna Faris -  Erica

Erica is the mother of the babies Monica and Chandler adopt. Anna brings the dumb southern girl and is funny doing it. Intertwined with Chandler's awkwardness around her and crazy stories of the potential fathers she became a favourite of mine.

6. Alec Baldwin - Parker

Parker is Phoebe's date to Monica and Ross' parent's anniversary party. His over the top happy personality was played amazingly by Baldwin. Everything he did was so funny including taking a mental picture to remember moments - also Chandler's reaction to been thumped in the arm by him made me chuckle.

5. Freddie Prinze Jr. - Sandy

Hired as Rachel and Ross' nanny, his over emotional and sensitive personality makes Ross very uncomfortable. He is a heart warming character and so lovable. His moments with Rachel and Joey are nothing short of special.

4. Reese Witherspoon - Jill

Rachel's spoiled sister appeared when their father cut her off after she brought her friend a boat. Rachel tries her best to change her ways and follow in the footsteps of the 'only daughter her dad is proud of'. Of course it fails, she ends up dating Ross and buying things with her father's money as she memorised his credit card numbers. A shame she wasn't in more episodes.

3. Brad Pitt - Will

He was Ross' best friend in High School. He was a bit of a hefer in school and comes back as a much more beautiful man (I can't believe he wasn't pretty as a fattie). It's revealed he hated Rachel (Jennifer was actually his wife at this time) and spread a nasty rumour about her having a small penis. One of the best Thanksgiving episodes of the 10 years.

2. Christina Applegate - Amy

Why she wasn't in more episodes or got her own spinoff I will never know. She was perfect and even won an Emmy for her part in the 2 episodes she stole the spotlight in. She was Rachel's other sister - just as spoiled as Jill and even ruder. I loved her, her fight with Rachel, piercing Emma's ears and calling her self 'Erin Brockovich' - she was everything. Little fact for you fact lovers - Christina was only bought in because Reese couldn't bring Jill back.

1. Maggie Wheeler - Janice Litman-Garelnick (née Hosenstein)

I don't know if she could be considered a guest star as she appeared in 19 episodes. Well anyway, I am in love with her. She was the best thing about all of her episodes. I love her accent and voice (I may stand alone with this thought). Introduced to us as Chandler's girlfriend she became so much more. I can't express how much I love her . Fun fact - on her last appearence in season 10 the audience had no idea she was going to appear, it is rumoured she received a 10 minute standing ovation when she entered, I would have happily clapped for 22 minutes.

Should Miley Stop?

I'll say it now, I am a fan of Miley. 'Hannah Montana' was the Disney generation after mine (I was strictly Lizzie and Raven) but it was hard to ignore the phenomenon. This young girl was thrusted in to our face and she was everywhere. She was the original Disney star to have the hit tv show, movie and music career all at one go.

'Hannah Montana' is now over and we are seeing the 'real' Miley. I wrote 'real' instead of real because it can seem like it is a lot. She has transformed. Anyone who is now only just being introduced to her would not believe she sang 'Best of Both Worlds' in a blonde wig and too many plastic accessories. She has now shaved her hair and lost a lot of layers of clothing. Side note - her body is amazing. She has brought the word 'twerk' to a wider audience and she is doing her. When she left Disney I thought that was when we saw who Miley really was. She released 'Can't Be Tamed', she became sexier and her songs were a bit more adult - little did we know this was just a taster.

In recent months she released 'We Can't Stop' and I really liked it (of course until it was played to death). The video was crazy. There is a lot going on - I have to admit I was contemplating a giant teddy bear backpack. She is having fun and we can't be mad at her. She isn't offending anyone, there are no naked pictures floating around and she hasn't said anything offensive. Instead she has used her platform to support gay rights and raise awareness to AID's. So should Miley stop? NO in capitol letters. She is making music no one has heard before, she has created her own style and she makes no apologies. A couple of things that could die down include 'twerking' (we get it, you can do it), her clothes are sometimes questionable and also she is oddly confident of her tongue (Google her and you will no doubt see half the pictures with her tongue out).

What spurred this blog post on was her performance at the MTV VMA's last night. It was interesting to say the least and no one will be talking about her pole dancing at the Teen Choice Awards a couple of years ago anymore. She owned the stage and you can tell she had complete control over the artistic direction. The teddy bears were back (yay), the nude latex outfit was on and she grinded on Robin Thicke. Her voice was flawless and the girl can work a stage. I probably won't feel the need to watch the performance again but I can guarantee it will be talked about for years to come.

She is just being Miley, sit back and enjoy.

P.S I am really enjoying her new song

Who Doesn't Love A Good Song And A Dance?

I really enjoy award shows, but the thing is I couldn't care less about the awards. Its the performances I love. The artists go all out and put on a 5 minute spectacle. The MTV Video Music Awards are showing on Monday and I am more than excited. With performances from Lady Gaga, Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus to look forward to. So I thought I would have a gander at some of my favourite past performances.

The best ones in my eyes are the ones that shock. With Lady Gaga on the roster we are almost guaranteed a few surprises. I am basing this on her record - once coming out dressed as her male alter-ego and another time where she appeared to kill her self on stage. Britney Spears doesn't come up short when it comes to the shocks. She has been known to dance with a python, strip off whilst singing a Rolling Stone's song and of course the kiss heard around the world with Madonna (everyone seems to forget Madge did the dirty with Christina Aguilera aswell). Justin Timberlake's face was my favourite bit from that entire performance.

Then there are the performance where artists take the opportunity to show what they got. Beyonce singing 'Love On Top' stopped me in my tracks - I think I even held my breath so I could listen with all I had. Eminem performing with Rihanna was also special - he will always be my favourite rapper. Also Eminem's debut performance with a hundred dopple-ganger's was something special.

Monday can not come soon enough. I am rather excited. I can't wait to see the red carpet. Most importantly you know the performances are going to be epic. Gaga and Perry are both using this opportunity to sing their new songs for the first time. Yay.

Check below to remind yourself of some special performances.

Fingers crossed no one jumps on stage to interrupt an acceptance speech (looking at you Kanye!)

#TeamApplause Vs. #TeamRoar

As a huge fan of pop music it was hard to ignore the battle that raged between Little Monsters and Katy Kats. Both Katy Perry and Lady Gaga's comeback singles were leaked on the same week. Lady Gaga introduced us to 'Applause' her first single from her new album 'ArtPop' and Katy Perry introduced us to 'Roar' her first single from her new album 'Prism'. Whilst no harsh words were exchanged between the two stars, instead opting to acknowledge their joint frustration with hackers, there has been huge competition between fans and it has widely been reported by media. Unfortunately for the Little Monster's of the world, the Katy Kat's came out in force and took the cherished higher position (neither one beating 'Blurred Lines' by Robin Thicke). To date 'Roar' has sold 557,000 copies in America and 'Applause' has sold a very respectable 218,000 units.

So as a fan I thought I would quickly review the singles and give my very 'important' opinion.

'Applause' - Lady Gaga

I have to admit I wasn't in love at the first listen. After all the build up for 'ArtPop' I was expecting a more artistic and alternative song to be debuted. Of course it is different to past hits like 'Bad Romance' and 'Poker Face' but it doesn't show a big detachment. There is an electro-dance beat that will keep the club lovers happy. This song will be very easy to dance to, as an amateur shape maker I could imagine myself getting down with my bad self with this song. However, for an artist so set on pushing boundaries she has come out with quite a generic pop song. A lot of the lyrics also don't make sense - almost as if she took influence from David Bowie's 'cut-up technique' in which he cut up a newspaper and picked his lyrics from that.
After listening to it more I am starting to love it. It seems to be quite a personal song and definitely says something that other people wouldn't say 'I live for the applause'. It is a statement a celebrity would not say as they don't want to appear shallow - Gaga doesn't care. I am looking forward to her album, if it follows this song then we can expect a great dance album, and at the end of the day music is supposed to move you, physically or emotionally.

'Roar' - Katy Perry

When I first heard this song I was one of those people - isn't this 'Brave' by Sara Bareilles? The theme and the sound are uncanny. I am going to trust that it wasn't plagiarism and just a weird coincidence. Sara can't be too angry as the comparison has seen an 80% rise in sales for her single in the past week. Anyway back to the review, I am a sucker for an anthem that promotes being proud of who you are and being strong. I really like this song - a whole lot. Katy's vocals are great. This song is definitely personal as it is highlighting her moving on from quite a lot of personal turmoil. However, we can all relate to it. We all have had our shit and we need a good song to remind us that we can still be a champion.
Just like for Gaga, I was expecting a detachment from the type of music we were already used to. All the promotion for 'Prism' seemed to show a darker and more deeper Perry. But why fix something that isn't broken? She broke records with 'Teenage Dream' and she has a fan base she know she can please. If I hear this song when I am out and about (and drunk) I will for sure be fist pumping along, screaming the lyrics with pride.

Conclusion

I like both songs. They are crowd pleasing and catchy. I for one will most definitely know all the lyrics to both of them whether its voluntary or not. They both give us a glimpse into what could be a couple of great albums. If I had to pick one I would have to pick Perry. It's just more my kind of taste, this isn't a loss for Gaga as I am yet to purchase either single (and I can't see me buying either).

Rules To Follow When Entering A Fast Food Restaurant

Having previously worked in a popular Fast Food Restaurant I feel that I am qualified to share some certain things that would make both the customer and the server have a more enjoyable day.

1. If you are in line for some time, please know what you want by the time you get to the front. 
Nothing annoyed me more then when I had a huge line behind a customer who didn't know what they wanted. They were stood in line for at least 5 minutes - what else were they thinking about!?

2. Don't be surprised by the price.
Every single thing was on a menu above my head! When it comes for me to tell you the price don't be shocked and don't ask me to break down all the individual prices.

3. If the toilet is locked the toilet is locked.
The toilet is usually locked for a reason. We weren't trying to be mean. If the restaurant is take-away only then we were not legally obliged to have a toilet.

4. There is a bin right by the door, use it.
This is not a high class restaurant. Everything you have is able to be thrown away. We didn't always have people on the seating area to clean so do the restaurant a favour and put your stuff in the bin.

5. Every joke has already been said.
I used to work in a popular sandwich shop, you wouldn't believe how many times I heard a 12 inch dick joke. Wasn't funny the first time or the 100+ times after. Just order your food, be pleasant and leave.

6. You be polite to the server, guaranteed you will get better service
Server's deserve respect, they are no lesser a person than you. They are doing a thankless job for minimum wage which I am sure most people can't and won't do. So respect them, don't piss off the person who is touching your food.

So, follow these simple rules and you will get better service. The people who are serving fast food more than likely hate their job (I know I did) and all they want to do is finish their shift whilst doing a good job. Make it easier for them by just being a decent person. Simple.

I'm With The Band

I am going to lose some major man points (not that I had a whole lot to begin with) but I feel like it is time to make this statement. I love Girl Bands. I own a bunch of their albums, I watch all of their music videos and I pretty much know most the words to all the songs (including some of the dance moves, something I am not 100% proud of).

I am not sure if it is a feminist portion of my brain that loves them so much, but I support them so much. I want to see a girl group do well. When they get a number 1 I do feel proud. For example when The Saturdays got their first number 1 I told people as if it was my own personal news, I wanted/needed people to know. When a girl group enters a talent competition I instantly want them to win (can you imagine my happiness when Little Mix won 'The X Factor'!) Some of my favourite concerts I have ever been to were girl bands (Spice Girls and Destiny's Child in particular).

I often feel alone in my love for girl bands. They aren't a popular thing to admit you like. I will get the occasional 'oh yeah, I liked that one song' but never 'I love their album!'. Girl bands come and go so quickly because it so hard for them to get a fanbase. Younger girls who these bands are marketed for only want to fully support the new hit boy band and then younger boys will never admit to liking them for fear of ridicule. Older folk won't even give them the time of day, instead casting them off as girls being used for their appearance and having no talent.

So as a favour from me to you I thought I would create a little playlist of girl band songs for you to fall in love with and join my crusade to get them the respect they deserve. So here goes -

Spice Girls - Let Love Lead The Way

Destiny's Child - Through With Love

Sugababes - Ugly

Little Mix - Cannonball

Girls Aloud - Sexy! No No No ...

2NE1 - Lonely

Stooshe - Black Heart

The Saturdays - Fall

Atomic Kitten - Someone Like Me

En Vogue - Free Your Mind

All Saints - Pure Shores

TLC - Dear Lie

The Pussycat Dolls - I Hate This Part

B*Witched - Blame It On The Weatherman

Honeyz - Won't Take It Lying Down

Eternal - I Wanna Be The Only One

Cleopatra - Touch Of Love

YouTube them, Spotify them and bask in the girl group goodness. These are probably the more slower songs by these bands but they are some of my favourites.

Festivals - A Warning

When I bought my ticket for V Festival I definitely romanticized the idea of going. The music, the people, the camping, the drinking and the food got me all excited. The amount of possible fun overwhelmed me - then it actually came to been there. Everything smacks you in the face. It isn't always fun, it is a lot of work. So as a guidance I thought I would inform some Festival Virgin's of the perils of festival life.

The Smell

Wherever you go, wherever you stand and no matter how you try and avoid it there is a smell that fills the air. The port-a-loos. They are disgusting. It is a box of shit. Yes, it gets emptied and sprayed clean regularly but it doesn't take away the smell. Infact the spraying they do just spreads all the 'stuff' around. Going to flush the toilet is always something I will prepare for now, after seeing a turd attached to the handle. 

The Port-a-loos

To some people, some disgusting people these aren't regular toilets. Some 'people' decide that aslong as their waste is somewhere within that space then its good. They will even walk out confidently and not even acknowledge you as you walk in after them. I have seen so many turds on a toilet seat now that it doesn't even affect me anymore. Also the crapper suddenly turns into something else for some people - a place to do drugs and a place to have sex. Seeing used condoms have become the norm. Apparently their tent just won't do.

The People

I completely understand that people are there to have fun, and God-willing so was I. Although there is a difference between some of us. Some of us can have fun whilst also having respect. To me throwing cups of piss isn't fun, pushing through people is not fun and been rude and obnoxious is not fun. We are all there to have fun and we all have paid for our ticket so a little respect is not too much to ask for. To the guy that did coke in the open and nearly pissed on our tent whilst butt-ass-naked should take note - more then a thousand people hate you.

The Cost

The choice of food is amazing. You can have food from any place on earth. You can eat like a King - aslong as you have the money of a King. I love Mexican food so you can understand the food-gasm I had when I saw the Mexican food truck. Fajitas, burritos, nachos oh my. I was gutted when I saw the price list. £8 for a single fajita - one wrap and a spoonful of chicken and vegetables. It was delicious but the taste of bitterness I had when I forked over the money lingered longer then the spices. Everything costs, its ridiculous. I easily spent £150 over 3 days - and I didn't even eat 3 meals a day.

The Fashion

Festival fashion is celebrated for its unique look. A mixture of styles and an opportunity to wear whatever you want to feel comfortable. All of this seems to have been lost amongst festival-goers this year. I was forever having to look in a different direction for fear of heaving. I like denim shorts don't get me wrong, paired with the right accessories and clothes they can look great. However, wearing them as what can only be described as underwear is not the right way. I am sorry to the ladies I am sure I am about to offend - please learn what size you are! Its easy, try a few different sizes and see which one fits, you won't have to constantly pull it out of your butt or va-jay-jay. To all the women who do know their size well done and thank you. 

To the men who still think its cute to wear character onesies - it isn't. To all the men who wear the man-kini - BORAT WAS 7 YEARS AGO! Women, don't wear a strapless party dress - you will regret it but you will have amazing upper arm muscles from having to pull it up every 6 seconds. Don't be an idiot and wear high heels - you know where you are! Leather pencil skirt? Seriously? And on a personal note, to the men with great bodies that go topless - please stop, my self loathing was peaking (also thank you for supplying the eye candy). Basically be comfortable, wear the oversized tee, wear the clothes that fit, wear a funky headdress, wear crazy make-up - people will judge you less for being smart in your choices. I saw too many crotches that weekend. 

I Hate Hair!

Too long. Too short. Too wavy. Too curly. Too straight. Too greasy. Too dry. Too flat. Too bouncy. These are all sentences to describe hair. No one is 100% happy with their hair. Hair is nothing but an annoying part of life. I imagine a world one day where everyone is bald; there will be no pressure to get your hair right in the morning - bathing time would be cut in half, we would save money on hair products as they would no longer exist and we could save hundreds on electric bills from not needing hair-dryers/straighteners/curlers.

As I am getting older my hair is getting worse. There is increasingly becoming less of it - I fear I reached my hair peak when I was a teenager, and I wasted that opportunity by insisting on having a male version of a bob. I am bitter when I see people with nice hair and a great hairline. If I could wear a wig or get a nice weave I would but I feel it won't work and would be incredibly obvious.

I know we have hair for all types of reasons. Hair used to be a whole lot more purposeful than body ornamentation. Sure, we realize that it protects us from the sun. Our eyelashes act as defence against bugs, dust and other foreign particles. But back in the day, the hair covering our nether regions camouflaged our reproductive parts from threats. By lining our armpits and groins, our dry hair actually lubricates our arms and legs, so we can move about without chafing. I just feel in this day and age with the technology we have it isn't necessary any more.

There is is too much stress when it comes to hair. I hope we evolve and all the Craigs to come won't have the same awkwardness as me. I am constantly touching my hair, checking it in the mirror and always worrying when I feel a gust of wind that my fringe doesn't look the same as I planned. For us it is too late, we have this burden we have to struggle with so for now I will just deal with it. 

I Need A Doctor

So pretty big news in the Whovian (a name us Doctor Who fans have been christened) world, a new Doctor has been announced. Step forward Peter Capaldi. At first I have to be honest that I was a bit unsure when I saw him. I was expecting a young hottie with a geeky edge to him. Then I gave it some thought, he could be brilliant. It will be a whole new aspect of a Doctor we have never had. As a romantic I have always hoped a Doctor and a companion would get it on - now I can get over that and enjoy different sides to the show.

My favourite aspects of the Doctor Who universe is the companions. I love a strong female role in any TV show. Everytime we have a new one, I have a new favourite companion. Clara is just outstanding; her backstory still confuses me to this day and I don't think I will ever have the confidence to tell anyone what her story is. However, I love the banter, attitude and cuteness she brings. She is different to any companion in my opinion - she doesn't look in awe to the Doctor, instead she is not afraid to put him in his place and when it comes to it she will save herself and not rely on the Doctor.

When people hear about 'Doctor Who' I am sure they look down on it as some geeky sci-fi show and these people I look upon with shame. Yes, it is about time travel, good vs evil and a healthy dose of intelligent banter - but it is so much more about it. I don't think a show has cut me up so much since 'Grey's Anatomy'. For a show about an alien it has a huge human aspect and a lot of heart. There is so much emotion involved that I find myself crying (Rose being taken into another dimension and Donna losing her memory to name a couple of times).

I am gutted Matt Smith has decided to give the sonic screwdriver back and hang up his bow tie. He was an amazing Doctor and will forever be one to beat in my opinion. I also said this about Christopher Eccleston and David Tennant so I know I am in good hands when it comes to casting changes. I can't wait for the 50th anniversary and I am so excited to see the new Doctor in action. I especially can't wait for Clara's reaction to Peter's Doctor. Hurry up November 23rd!!

P.S It seriously annoys me when people call him Doctor Who - its not his name! Its a question!

I Love Lindsay Lohan

I have been a huge fan of Lindsay ever since I saw 'Freaky Friday'. I thought she was amazing in it and total star. She was sharing her scenes with a veteran of the silver screen (Jamie Lee Curtis) and she stole the show. The 'Mean Girls' came around and everyone was in love. 'Mean Girls' was my generation's ultimate teen movie. I did become conflicted with my love for Lindsay as in the early 00's we were made to pick sides between Hilary Duff and herself, I picked The Duff (with a secret love for Lohan).

Everything seemed peachy for lil' Lohan, she was a rising star and selling millions of tickets at the cinema. We all know what happened next. She got her self in some bother, stole some jewellery, got in a few car crashes and her partying got a tad out of control. People can look and say 'oh she is just a kid' but I honestly thought it was always something deeper. Her relationship with her family was well covered and her addictions became common knowledge. She would show up late on film sets, paint the words 'fuck u' on her nails for court appearances - and thats if she showed up to her court dates.

Lindsay has become the noun and verb for a child star gone bad. Not a title she probably loves but it is what it is. She grew up infront of our eyes and we saw all her highs and lows. I have always thought that if Lindsay didn't go off the rails then Emma Stone wouldn't be as well known - she has had a few roles that would have been perfect for Lindsay.

I just watched Lindsay's first TV appearance since leaving rehab. She hosted 'Chelsea Lately' on E! and I thought she did a great job. She was funny, eloquent and was able to poke fun at herself whilst still showing respect for the help she has had. I myself cannot wait for the Oprah interview and docu-series to follow. I just want more Lindsay in my life. I want more music and I want more films.

So a little message for La Lohan - good luck with everything, you are extremely talented and you will always have a fan in me.

When I Grow Up ...

So the other day at a job interview I was asked 'What is your long term plan?' I literally did not have an answer, word vomit happened and I found myself saying 'It used to be that I wanted to be the next Beyonce'. I was mortified, it felt like I was having an out of body experience and I wanted to smack the crap out of myself. There were a few flaws to the Beyonce Plan - not having any measurable talent is probably the main reason it never happened. Without saying its obvious I won't get the job at the supermarket.

Then I got to thinking, why was that a stupid answer? Why not dream big and aim high, if people didn't then we wouldn't have the likes of Beyonce to compare ourselves to. Also it got me thinking - I DON'T HAVE A LONG TERM PLAN! I finish university next year, then what? Should I ask for more hours at the restaurant I work in? This isn't the dream I had when I was a child. Should I bite the bullet and move to the big city and see where life takes me? This seems like the best option, however I don't want to go alone and what if it doesn't work out?

I had a quite a few different dreams as a youngster and I haven't really followed any of them. Here were the pro's and con's of those choices (the con's seemed to win every time)

Teacher (Illustrated by Cameron Diaz in Bad Teacher)
Pro - Summer holidays, I get to inspire people and I pretty much know what kids between 4 and 11 need to know.
Con - I don't like children and I am pretty sure they hate me - I don't have a child friendly face.

Artist (Illustrated by Andy Warhol
Pro - A life of creativity, no one to answer to and I would get to show the world what is inside my head
Con - I am not very creative and I normally hate every thing I do. Also you don't get famous until you die!

Reality TV Star (Illustrated by Kim Kardashian)
Pro - No talent required, do what you want to do and get paid for it.
Con - I am no where near interesting to fill an hour of TV a week.

Actor (Illustrated by Johnny Depp)
Pro - Travel the world and act out people's stories.
Con - I think the only role I would be suitable for is weird looking friend/homeless man

Triple Threat (Illustrated by Zac Efron)
Pro - Get to be in musicals, drama's, dance things and sell records.
Con - I can't act, sing or dance.

Fashion Magazine Editor (Illustrated by Anna Wintour)
Pro - Front row seats to fashions shows and respect in the fashion community
Con - I couldn't sit near Anna or Grace Coddington without hating myself for my appearance and clothes selection.

TV Presenter (Illustrated by Davina McCall)
Pro - Looks like fun and you get to be the face of huge TV shows
Con - I can't always talk correct English in front of a crowd - prone to sweating under pressure aswell. Not cute.

Singer (Illustrated by The Queen Bey)
Pro - Travel the world and sing infront of millions of people who love you.
Con - Only I think I can sing.

Fashion Designer (Illustrated by Vivienne Westwood)
Pro - Get to create beautiful designs and have people buy them.
Con - There is so much more to fashion design - I am studying it, its a turn off.

So those were my options and I kind of scared myself out of all of them. So I am 24 and I don't really know what to do with my life. Its both scary and exciting at the same time. I have literally no responsibilities so I can go anywhere - thing is I don't know where I want to go. Help.