Girl Talk

This could be me revealing a little something that I should probably keep to myself. It truly reveals the fact that I was born a middle aged woman. So here goes. I love American Talk Shows. I can watch them for hours. I will watch them on TV. I will watch them on the computer. I will even watch them on my phone. Its hard to explain what it is about them but I will have a go.

You may have noticed that I made a point about them being American - this was on purpose. England just cannot do the same, we have tried and we have failed. 'The View' got big in America so we created 'Loose Women' - by no stretch of the imagination is it as good. I get bored with 'Loose Women', I have yet to get bored of 'The View'. Even when they talk about politics they have my attention. I think it must be because of the way American's show passion. Don't get me wrong us Brit's can show passion, we will acknowledge it and move on - our American friends will go bat-shit-crazy about something until everyone has heard; and I love it.

There are many types of moments that I love in these talk shows. I love the drama - watch Rosie O'Donnell vs. Elizabeth Hasslebeck on YouTube (amazing). These women are not afraid to say what they feel no matter how controversial. On 'The Real' they will often call white people 'vanilla' and Asian people 'yellow' - can you imagine if that happened in England. The show would be off the air, people would call for the hosts resignation and written apologies and they would appear teary eyed in the middle pages of The Sun being all regretful and shiz. Other moments are the touching moments. The Queen, Ellen, has made me cry any more times than I think anyone else has in my life. She tells stories of people from anywhere in the country if she feels they need to be told. I have literally watched every Ellen Degeneres YouTube clip in existence - I have laughed and cried - often catching the attention of others.

So for my advise (which I seem to be increasingly comfortable doing) to England is to do your research. Watch 'The Ellen Degeneres Show', 'The Talk', 'The View', 'The Real' and 'Oprah'. Take notes. Take your time in picking a cast (don't go for the new hot reality stars!). Get a good set. Get some good stories. Get some amazing prizes. Get some RELEVANT guests, I can't stress the word 'relevant' anymore but most importantly give them a chance; if the show doesn't get record viewers in the first week just give it time.

I have even helped with the casting choice (these were off the top of my head - no doubt I will wake up in a cold sweat with more choices).

You Better Redneckognize

Every few years there is a TV phenomenon that happens that no one is prepared for. Before we have had the Kardashians, The Hills, Big Brother and talent shows like The X Factor. They come from nowhere and instantly become the water cooler talking points. They are shows that develop intrigue and have us all chatting/bitching/appreciating. Well right now it seems to be the year of Honey Boo Boo aka Alana Thompson and her crazy amazing family.

Alana first caught people's attention on 'Toddlers and Tiaras'. A show I have to admit that I haven't watched a whole lot - it follows young children as they compete in beauty pageants. It kind of freaked me out as these 4 year olds were caked in make-up and hairspray, dressed in an outfit made entirely of sequins and shoved on a stage to dance, twirl and wave. They even wore fake teeth. I saw one clip where one girl was dressed as Julia Roberts - FROM PRETTY WOMAN!. It was a show that just never got my attention. However, there was one girl that stood out for all the right reasons. Honey Boo Boo was not like the rest, she had a personality and a style all of her own. She was unintentionally hilarious and she looked normal amongst these toddler mannequins.

It was the best idea to give her her own show. Instead of following her pageant career they chose to focus on her family life at home in McIntyre, Georgia. We were introduced to her family Mama, Sugarbear, Pumpkin, Chickadee, Chubbs and Baby Kaitlyn. It is a laugh-out-loud show and it introduces this little English boy to a whole new way of living. Of course we all have our opinion of residents of the south of America - the word Redneck springs to mind. They wear their Redneck crown with pride. They have no shame that they call the dumpster the mall, they compete in the Redneck Games and they eat roadkill.

It is so easy to take the piss out of this show because they live a different way. However if I can get serious for a second this show for me is about one thing - family. They are beautiful together. Yes, they argue and fight like any normal family but at the core there is love.

It would be easy to assume that all this fame would go to their heads, you could not be more wrong. Sugarbear (The Father) still works seven days a week, Mama June still coupons and all the money earned goes into a trust fund for the kids that they can't touch until they are 21 - a decision made by Sugarbear and Mama. They have a happy basic lifestyle. Mama June spends as much time with her children as possible and gives them fun times aswell as life lessons.

I hope this show takes off in England. I want them to become huge as they are great people who brings the laughs but also the heart. Plus Johnny Depp has admitted it is the only TV show he watches.

The Craigy's

Ladies and Gentleman may I introduce you to the first annual Craigy's. This is where we celebrate TV from the last 12 months and acknowledge certain shows that some other major Award Ceremonies seem to skip over. Here at the Craigy's we try our best not to be biased and we try to make a point that there is a lot of shows on the box that deserve awards. We have 13 categories so lets get under way.

 

 

Congratulations to all the winners and nominees. 

 

Wanderlust

I suffer from an extreme case of Wanderlust. There is no known cure; it is something I have to live with. It is a strong and irresistible impulse or desire to travel the world. I am not crazy, I don't want to go anywhere dangerous - I am not equipped to deal with life threatening circumstances. If someone was to threaten my life I would probably piss my self and run into a wall. However, I want to see what this world has to offer. I have only seen such a small part of it and it makes me sad that I am missing out. I have a list of some of the places I want to go to - badly ... as soon as possible. I feel that in life true wealth comes from experience not monetary gain. Again I am not stupid; I am well aware money makes you happy - but I would happily spend all of mine on travel. So, some of the places ...

New York
I have already been once, it was amazing and any other synonym for amazing. The only let down was the heat, if you know me or even seen me then you will know I don't cope in heat. It's disgusting. We were there for 7 days and I don't think we even experienced 10% of what the city had to offer; and we were out all day everyday.

Tokyo
Just looking at photos and movies of this place make me desperate to see it. It is absolutely stunning, a mix of old and new. I really want to go to the Harajuku district and see all the amazing fashion styles it inhabits. Plus I love sushi so I wouldn't go hungry.

Sydney
Many reasons to want to visit. I love the accent. I want to see the Opera House in real life. I want to see my favourite group perform in their home country. It is such a beautiful place and having watched Neighbours and Home and Away through out all my childhood it almost seems like I have to go.

Barcelona
Allow me to geek out for a second, the architecture! I watched an episode of America's Next Top Model and they did a runway through Park Güell (also they danced through it in 'Cheetah Girls 2') and I knew I had to see it for myself. It is so stunning and designed amazingly by Antoni Gaudí .

Rome
Another movie may have influenced this decision. I could try and sound cultured and say it was 'A Roman Holiday' or even 'Gladiator' but it wasn't; it was 'The Lizzie McGuire Movie'. Ever since I saw that film I knew I had to go and throw a penny into the Trevi Fountain (and maybe magically become an international popstar).

Northern Lights
I have to see this before I die, I don't mean to sound dramatic but I want to see this with my own bespectacled eyes! I think I may have to go to Iceland or Norway to experience it, but God willing I will see it. I am sure there is a scientific explanation, but to me it looks like magic.

Amsterdam
Think all you want that the reason I want to go is for weed and prostitutes, but hold your horses - they aren't the only reasons (gosh I am funny). I read 'The Fault In Our Stars' by John Green and it made me fall in love with a city I never really gave a second thought to. I want to retrace Hazel's footsteps and see it all.

Hollywood
As a lover of the silver screen I feel I need to go. I need to see the locations of my favourite films and TV shows. I need to see where my 'idols' live, eat, drink and walk their dogs. I love everything Hollywood and I always will. It's literally where dreams are realised and put onto a screen, made to inspire the next big dreams.

Also a quick note to one film location I want to go to - (500) Days of Summer location: Tom’s favourite place: the bench at Angel’s Knoll, overlooking downtown Los Angeles. I want to sit there with my own Tom or Summer, I wouldn't even mind sitting there alone (aslong as someone takes my picture).

So these are just a few places I want to see. And I know one day I will, only one question really ... are you coming with me?

A Letter To Me, Sincerely Me

I read a website for bloggers who have a slight writers block to try and find some ideas. One of the ideas was to write a letter to your younger self. I don't know if I am supposed to apologise or if I would write down some things to look out for. Sure there are things that I wish turned out different and there are things that I wish never happened. I thought of a few things to tell my youthful self:

-Lose the weight, it will only make you more and more unhappy.
-Take care of your health, you are paying for it now (the Doctor's were right)
-Don't smoke that first sober cigarette in the first week of uni, you are now addicted.
-Don't waste your time at Sixth Form, you did not need A Levels
-Go with your gut instinct when choosing a Uni Course.
-Try harder in sports, you are good at swimming.
-Have a go at the school plays.
-Don't read any websites about not taking your medication.
-Say yes more.
-Cut your hair! People remember you from high school as the boy with a bob!

However, I then gave it some further thought and realised I don't need to change anything about my past. If it wasn't for my past then I wouldn't have what I had today. In some people's eyes I don't have a lot. I am 24, still in Uni, moved back in with my parents and I have the same job I had when I was 16. Those things aren't important to me. The most important things in my life are the people I met along the way and the friendships I made. I wouldn't even know some of my best friends if it wasn't for the choices I made in the last few years.

I have lost people along the way and that sucks, but maybe some people are meant to come in to your life and leave. We learn from them and then we move on - not in a malicious, using kind of way, but just for personal growth. I don't have a million friends but the ones I can call a friend are the best things in my life (aswell as family of course). I may not have money in the bank but I have plenty of contacts in my phone. If I ever need someone I have a list of people who would drop anything and come help me.

For any (if any) of my friends read this then I just want to say thank you. I love you to death. We may not talk much and very infrequently but you are very special to me and I am only a text away.

Just a further note: they are all me in those photos - looks like I have had more regenerations than the Doctor (Doctor Who). Younger on the top row, more recent on the bottom and my favourite recent ones in the middle. The circle one is probably the best representation of me right now.

Depression - In My Words

First of all I should say that I am not depressed, but I am around it a lot. I am not going to name anyone I know. If someone suffers from this then it is their choice to tell people. It is a big part of their life and it is none of my business unless they want to make it my business. The main reason I wanted to do this post is because I feel it is a topic spoken about a lot - but rarely in the right way. I am not saying I have all the answers, this is purely my opinion.

Depression is a mental illness and it is incredibly hard to watch someone suffer from it. They become a shell of the person that they used to be. They lose a lot of their personality and it can seem on some day's that you can't break them out of it. The worst thing I have found out is asking someone what is wrong, they can't explain it. You get the obligatory 'I'm fine' response. I have never realised how much meaning the word 'fine' has. It doesn't mean they are feeling well, happy or the dictionary definition of fine. It can mean the exact opposite and it is a word that covers up a lot of pain, it is a word used instead of a whole book of negative words. They don't want to burden anyone else with their real thoughts.

 A way I have thought of depression is running down an endless corridor in the dark. You can't see the end of it and you can't see a way out but you keep on going further and further. Its heartbreaking to watch. I want to help but there is no way. Making them laugh doesn't stop it, making them talk doesn't stop it and distracting them doesn't stop it. It is a part of them. One thing I have developed a hatred for is people using the word 'depressed' as on off the cuff remark for when they are sad about something. No you are not depressed! Depression is a mental illness, often sparked by an event or even sometimes passed down through a family. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life. It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function.

I hear a lot about how depressed people should just 'snap out of it' or 'get over it'. This is possibly the worst thing you could say. You don't think they are trying? You don't think it kills them a little bit more everyday when they have to take a pill just to function in every day life? They see people getting on with things and they crave this. Depression is real. Just because you've never had it doesn't make it imaginary. So if you know someone with depression show some compassion. It is not something they want and they sure don't want attention based on the fact they have a mental illness. Treat them normally when you find out; they are still the same person. Depression sometimes is not just inside it can show in other ways and in some cases deadly. Physical symptoms such as nausea, vomiting, fatigue, chronic pain, diarrhea, insomnia etc. are common symptoms of major depression. 

Yes, we all have our own shit going on - so make sure you get the help you require. Don't judge someone who may be going through something aswell, something more extreme. Don't cast it off as attention seeking because it isn't. I don't want to be dramatic but your negative comment could be the last thing they needed to make an extreme decision ...

Its easy - think before you speak.

Reality Queens

I have watched every season of Big Brother except one (I didn't watch the first season on Channel 5) and I have loved and hated them. Some have an amazing cast, great challenges and drama that I crave; some were just forgettable. For me it has to be the right mix of housemates and of course my favourite type of housemate is the one who brings the drama. So I picked some of my favourite most memorable people - just so happens they are all women (the men need to buck up).

Jade Goody
Undeniably the Queen of Big Brother. Still devastates me that she is not with us today. Her first stint on the show cemented the standard that all housemates had to live up to. She was funny, dramatic, shocking and seemed like a genuine nice person. Her second stint on the show did not go to plan but she seemed genuinely saddened and apologetic for her actions - and that's all you can ask for.

Nadia Almada
She was a great housemate. She brought the laughter and the drama aswell. All she wanted from the show was to be accepted as she was in transition from man to woman. The UK embraced her and no one even gave it a second thought as we crowned her the winner.

Nikki Graham
She was a great find by the producers. Its hard to believe she is real. She was one of a kind. Her childish, spoilt behaviour mixed with her warm, caring personality made her one to be remembered. She also coined her own catchphrase that is still used today 'Who is she?!'

Grace Adams
She is the one that we love to hate, she was the ultimate bitchy character. I loved her. Her season was one of the best. She threw water in someone's face as she was evicted and she didn't give a shit. She played her game perfectly.

Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace
'You better know yourself if you're talking about me little girl!' I loved her, she was so lovely and always stuck up for the underdog. A beautiful person inside and out.

Sam and Amanda Marchant
Have to have a little hometown pride with them as they are from where I am from (I even met them in a club). They went in with the plan to have fun and they purely did. Didn't really get into drama. They were a breath of fresh air in a show known for drama and fighting.

Josie Gibson
She was a sweetheart, no denying it. She was lovely. She barely had any drama but she did have a showmance. She won the last season on Channel 4, and I think she would have won Ultimate if she chose to do it.

Charley Uchea
She was amazing. She was a bitch, a title she should hold high and proud. She caused a lot of shit and she didn't give a shit. She didn't let anyone treat her wrong and she stood up for everything she wanted to. great housemate.

Chantelle Houghton
She was put in the Celebrity Big Brother house and had to pretend she was a pop singer. She did an amazing job and won over the hearts of the viewers. Had a showmance which turned into the real thing. She was lovely and played out Big Brother's plan perfectly.

Gina Rio
Currently in the Big Brother House. She is undeniably my favourite housemate this year. She does and says what she wants. Not fazed by the show at all. I hope she doesn't let me down and change my opinion because right now its The Gina Show.

I do have to make an honourable mention to one housemate who was amazing. She was like a cartoon character, she was innocent and she was lovable. Plus she was obsessed with cookies - anyone who loves  the sweet stuff is good in my book. She should be a big star right now but I don't know what happened to her. She was the star of her season in my eyes. Step forward Kathreya 'Cookie Monster' Kasiopa.

Fake Friends

I watch a lot of TV. A lot. So obviously I get people envy; envy in the sense that I want these people to exist because I think they would make the best friends. Obviously I love my real friends, but as the great Craig Chambers once said 'You can never have too many friends!' Naturally I made a list of some people that need to be real that only exist on the box. (I enjoy making lists almost as much as watching TV).

Amy Farrah Fowler (The Big Bang Theory)
She is a smart cookie, loves her friends and has a bit of wit in that noggin of hers. Also as she slowly adjusts to a social life I could convince her all of my opinions are right - so no arguments.

Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan (Friends)
I could attend all of her gigs and she could give me free massages. I love her attitude to life and I bet if I spent just 5 minutes with her some of my cares would drift away.

Karen Walker (Will & Grace)
She is rich. Filthy rich. She looks after her friends. So then I would be rich. That's all I want from life.

Gloria Pritchett (Modern Family)
I am probably one of the few people to love her voice. I would have her shout at everybody in the street.

Spencer Reed (Criminal Minds)
He is extremely intelligent and can read something like 15,000 words a minute. If I have a book that I want to know the ending of quickly I would have him round quick-sharpish.

Raven Baxter (That's So Raven)
Can't hurt to have a psychic around (much). Everything looks like fun when you are around her. Also within my clumsy life it would be nice to have someone to warn me of the traps ahead.

Leslie Knope (Parks and Recreation)
She is just positive 100% of the time. Never a sad moment. She even laughs when she heard she lost her election. I need positive people around me as I can be a Debbie Downer at times.

Cameron Tucker (Modern Family)
It was a toss up between him and Phil. I just feel Cam would turn every frown upside down. I would feel normal standing next to his extreme ways and hysterics - or I would join in, nothing wrong with being dramatic.

Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl)
Everybody needs a bitchy friend. And who better to have then the Queen B herself. She runs the New York elite and makes no apologies. She has power, I like people with power.

Veronica Mars (Veronica Mars)
I love her wit, sarcasm and attitude. Plus having a private investigator as a buddy must have its privileges - also she is gorgeous and would look nice to stand near.

Easy To Be Colourblind - a racism rant

Racism is one of the ugliest things about the human race. I personally can't stand it and I have yet to be proven wrong as to why its a good thing. Sorry once again folks its a rant about something I don't agree with or fully understand. I don't get why people should be judged by their skin colour. It wasn't our choice, when in the womb we aren't given a choice as to what colour we come out as.

Judge someone by their actions as an individual not by their race, colour or creed. The true test of a person is how they treat others. There is no chemical in our brain that makes us do what we do - it is a choice. It is scary to think that some people are too afraid to go to some parts of the world or even their own city because of their skin colour, because of the pigment of their skin. It shouldn't be this way. This is our world, we are all members of the human race and we should all treat eachother the same unless someone gives us a reason not to like them. A murderer, a rapist, a paedophile, an animal abuser can have any colour skin. A teacher, a police officer, a fireman, a doctor, a nurse can have any colour skin.

I am one of the lucky ones - I was born in England and I am white so I have never experienced racism. I am not even 100% sure as to what words I should be offended by. Some people I know are racist, there is a tiny sense of segregation in my city and certain races keep themselves to themselves so I am aware of racism quite a lot. IT'S 2013! Why are we keeping ourselves in the past? We don't need to. A person is a person regardless of their heritage.  I am extremely lucky compared to a racist as I have had friends from all walks of life and my life is richer because of it. A racist is a person who is keeping them selves locked away - we can learn so much from 'different' people.

 I used to live with two room-mates, one was of Chinese descent and the other from Uganda; we looked like a Benetton advertisement walking down the street. I didn't even notice their skin colour and they never made a point of mine or their's. My Godmother is Indian - I never even noticed. Its so easy to not be racist, I have been doing it for 24 years and I feel all the better for it. If you want to hate someone have a good reason, don't hate a person's heritage. If you are reading this and feel sometimes you can be racist ask yourself something; has my life benefited by keeping myself segregated from them?

Every race has their bad people but the good people out weigh them 10 fold. We have all types of people defending our country, saving our lives and teaching us. Would you stop someone of a different race from doing these things? No you wouldn't, so why are you happy to judge them any other time? No person is born racist on this earth and it is incredibly hard to find someone who has the exact pigment as you. So when does it end? Will we be one day judging someone for being a concealer/foundation colour darker/lighter than your own? Sounds stupid put this way doesn't it? This is exactly what is happening.

Unreleased Opportunities

The best thing when an artist announces a new single is the music video. For 3 or so minutes we get to watch them tell their story through pictures instead of words, or in some cases a theatrical, all singing all dancing showcase of their talents. Some videos are so creative they are put up there with some of the greatest films of all time. Me and the twin can often be found flicking through the music channels - we love them. I would pick a music channel over the radio any day. However, I believe some artists have missed opportunities and completely skipped over songs from their albums and moved on to the next one or in some cases making a video for one of the not so good songs on the album. Below I have listed 6 songs that either I would have loved to see a music video for or think it should have been released so it got more attention.

Destiny's Child - Through With Love

This song is an epic anthem. It really shows the girl's abilities as individual singers aswell a harmonising group. They sang this live the last time I saw them and it was nothing but amazing, the whole audience felt it. Michelle's bit towards the end would shut any doubters up.  

Taylor Swift - Better Than Revenge
Such a great song. Most people expect Taylor to sing about love and relationships; but this a song that tells another type of story from her diary - having her man stolen. There are rumours this song is about Camille Belle stealing Joe Jonas, but of course she never reveals the subjects of her songs. The video would have been great, full of attitude and a laugh a minute.

Robyn - Eclipse
We all love Robyn for her dance beats and catchy lyrics, her songs will fill a discotheque in seconds. This song shows a completely different side to her and shows off her voice beautifully. Its a song about someone falling out of love with you because you hurt them. The video could have been simple, emotional and stunning to watch (I imagine similar to Sugarland's 'Stay' video).

The Veronicas - Revenge is Sweeter (Than You Ever Were)
 This song is one my favourite Veronica's songs ever (as a huge fan this quite a huge statement). The song is about similar to Taylor's in the sense its about having someone stolen. Its from a different angle as they are angry at the guy. The vocals are top notch, especially the chorus. The video would have been dramatic and amazing. The song alone is dramatic and amazing.

Rihanna - Fire Bomb
I may be standing alone with this choice but I love this song. Its more of a rocky edgy song. I love the chorus. Rihanna sounds amazing. The video would have been very cinematic and emotion full. A good revenge video. I can only imagine how good the fashion would have been. Love me some angry Rihanna (her condescending attitude in 'Take A Bow' shows how good she can be.)

Lady Gaga - Speechless
One of my favourite songs of all time. Its obvious she loves the song as she sang it with Elton John at the Grammy's. I am gutted it never got a video. I feel like it would have been a really sad video and epic the only way Lady Gaga knows how. If there is one thing we know about Gaga is that she is unpredictable so who knows she might revisit the song and make a video. Fingers crossed.

Ellie Goulding's Halcyon - My Review

The plan was to reveal my Top 10 Most Played on my iTunes. There were two major flaws to this plan; 

1. I mostly use Spotify, so the numbers aren't correct anymore

2. When I did look at my Top 10 Most Played Ellie Goulding's Halycon had 8 songs on it.

So, the plan has changed, what I am going to do now is talk about one of my favourite albums of all time. I will talk a little bit about each song. I will warn you now, I am in no way musical expert so you will have to go with me when I make up words for effects.

1. Don't Stay A Word

A great start to the album, they way it builds up really drags you in to the album. 

Favourite lyric 'I'm more alive I've ever been, So now I give you all my sins, I've chosen you, I've chosen you, But don't say a word'

2. My Blood 

A very sad song about her emotions after a break up. Beautifully done and her voice is flawless

Favourite Lyric 'And I'm thrown in the gunfire of empty bullets. And my blood is all I see. As you steal my soul from me'

3. Anything Could Happen

The lead single from the album. The 'I know it's gonna be' bit just floored me. Her voice ...

Favourite Lyric 'I'll give you everything you need But I don't think I need you'

4. Only You

Her voice is the instrument in the background. A sad song about being trapped in a relationship - I think. Love the high pitched singing in the background.

Favourite Lyric 'Only you can be the aching in my heart. My enemy, the only animal I couldn't fight'

5. Halcyon

The album's title track (still not 100% sure how to pronounce it). Another sad song about being trapped in a dead relationship. Some heartbreaking lyrics.

Favourite Lyric 'When it's just us. You show me what it feels like to be lonely. You show me what it feels like to be lost'

6. Figure 8

A song about breaking up with someone but still being in love with them. There's definitely a theme to this album. Once again her voice slays me.

Favourite Lyric 'Still not too old to die young, But lovers hold on to everything, And lovers hold on to anything'

7. Joy

A song about accepting a relationship is over. Beautiful and haunting. One of my favourites from the album.

Favourite Lyric 'I've figured out that joy is not in your arms. I know I'll always ache with an empty heart. I think it's time to run cause I'm seeing stars. I'm seeing stars watch me fall apart'

8. Hanging on

Basically about hanging on to a lost love. Shows off how beautifully she can get her vocal range.

Favourite Lyric 'Touch me and then turn away. And put your hands into the flame. Tell me if you feel this pain. Cause I don't want to be a ball and chain'

9. Explosions

I fell in love with this song instantly. The opera element at the beginning is majestic, coupled with her voice and you have one stunning track.

Favourite Lyric 'Cause it's simple darling, I gave you a warning. Now everything you own is falling from the sky in pieces. So watch them fall with you, in slow motion. I pray that you will find peace of mind. And I'll find you another time. I'll love you, another time'

10. I Know You Care

A haunting, simple and stunning ballad. A song about knowing someone is still there, even if they aren't aren't with you.

Favourite Lyric 'Cause this is how things ought to have been. And I know the worst of it wasn't all that it seemed. Why can't I dream'

11. Atlantis

Once again showcasing her high vocal range. A song (I think) about meeting someone knew after a bad relationship, afraid to love again.

Favourite Lyric 'I'm exhausted with loving. No fight in me- I'm defeated. I know I'm fooled, I can't help it. You make my heart so helpless'

12. Dead In The Water

Another haunting song and absolutely one of my favourites. I love how there is barely any instruments in the beginning. A song about being lost after a relationship has ended.

Favourite Lyric 'I'm there in the water. Still looking for ya. I'm there in the water. Can't you see, can't you see?'

13. I Need Your Love (w/ Calvin Harris)

One of the more up tempo songs. A song about still craving your ex. If this was written with someone in mind then she is being extremely honest and open.

Favorite Lyric 'And I feel so helpless here. Watch my eyes are filled with fear. Tell me do you feel the same.Hold me in your arms again'

14. Hanging On (Full length version with Tinie Tempah)

I am not usually a fan of Tinie's work but I absolutely love his verse on this.

Favourite Lyric 'She broke my heart, I took some Gaviscon'

15. In My City

A song about finding confidence and moving on. Quite a positive song, considering the rest of the album.

Favourite Lyric 'Shoulders ache for wanted wings. My city shakes the fear in me'

16. Ritual

I am not entirely sure what this song is about. My first thought was sex, but that could be my crude imagination. Still, a great song.

Favourite Lyric 'From highway seas and thunder skies. We see our fate, you hear our cries'

17. Without your love

This song definitely seems like a 'fuck you' to her ex. She does say 'Without your love I'm getting somewhere' 33 times

Favourite Lyric  'Without your love I'm getting somewhere'

So, overall I love this album. Its dark and depressing in places, but if you know then you know thats what I like. I have easily listened to this album 50 times and I never get bored of it. Perfect for train journeys, also bath time which I found out. 

I cannot wait for the re-release which is rumoured to have 7 new songs on it. I have already heard 2 of them and I instantly loved them.

One Size Does Not Fit All

The other day I saw an image of Demi Lovato and underneath it read '20 Plus Size Stars'. I honestly thought this was horrendous. By no stretch of the imagination is she plus size. This lead me to think about how we perceive people. The first impression we get of someone is their appearance and we make a quick judgement, we all do it and we can't help it. If someone is obese we instantly think they eat too much and if we see someone who is skinny we think they have an eating disorder. It's a shame but it is human nature to judge someone.

So much pressure is put on people to look good, to look right.We blame society for our body issues - we are society! We did this to ourselves. We celebrate a celebrity when they lose weight. We judge a celebrity when they put on weight. So how are us 'normal' people supposed to compete. We can't all look the same, that's the true beauty of the human race. We all have something different about us. As long as someone is healthy and not putting themselves in danger then who are we to judge?

 95% of people who develop an eating disorder are aged between 12 and 25 (Obesity is also considered an eating disorder in some cases). These are the years our bodies go through some of the biggest changes naturally, so for someone to have to suffer with an eating disorder at the same time ... I can't even imagine the pain they are going through. I am not saying that we if start to ignore the next fad diet or take notice of what celebrity lost weight that things will change, but for a lot of people it will take the pressure off.

For some people appearance is a competition, they have to look the best - but what is the 'best'? Protruding bones? Pumped up muscles? The darkest tan? The whitest teeth? The fuller hair? No one can answer this because we all have our own opinion. What is beautiful to one person is ugly to the next. So my advise to anyone is just do you! If you want to lose weight do it. If you want to get muscular do it. If you want to not give a shit for a bit and eat that cake in front of the TV do it. You only have to answer to you in the end. Beauty doesn't have to be pain. The most beautiful people are the happy ones.

The next time you see someone who is a bit different and maybe struggling with life a little bit, don't judge them. We all have our own shit going on. Life is hard enough without a Bitch commenting on your appearance. If you see that extremely thin girl in the shopping centre don't tell her to 'go eat a burger', for all you know that's all she wants to do but there is something stopping her. If you see that extremely obese man on a park bench don't call him 'fat and lazy', for all you know he is trying his best and is trying to change his life - your comment isn't the 'motivation' that he needs.

I have struggled for a long time with my weight. I was extremely obese my entire childhood and it was hard. P.E was a constant reminder that I couldn't do what other people could. I never even imagined someone having a crush on me - and I was right, they didn't. Instead I got the 'fat' comments from people who were too pathetic to shut up and be nice. I barely had a social life and I lived up to the 'chubby, happy fat guy' stereotype. It was hard though, I am a romantic at heart and times got a bit lonely. Then later through high school and into college I became obsessed with eating disorders. I didn't develop one. Instead I chose to stop taking my diabetic medication as I heard that you lost weight that way. I am paying the price now. Yes, I may have lost a bit of weight (still a lot to go) but now I have given myself more problems. My eye sight has suffered,  I get shooting pains in my feet sometimes and I am always tired. I am a great example of someone that listened too much to what was 'perfect'.

Queen Victoria

Victoria Beckham was my first major crush. I fell in love with the Spice Girls just like any other normal 90's kid. They dominated everything. I couldn't even go in to a supermarket without seeing them everywhere - chocolate bars, Pepsi, lollipops, crisps, deodorant - you name it they were on it. So naturally I chose my favourite, Posh Spice was my favourite. There was something about her pout, her mini black dress and her razor sharp bob that just spoke to me. The crush began. It was hard to ignore because the Spice Girls were shoved down your throat, I didn't mind one bit. The songs, the albums and then the movie - I lapped it up.

Then one of the saddest days of this young boys life occurred - the Spice Girls broke up and went their separate ways. Luckily Victoria was a huge celebrity so she never actually went away. She married David and released some solo material. I personally loved her stuff but Britain did not (it still cuts me deep that she is the only Spice Girl not to have a solo number one). So then she went off and did what she did best - Fashion. Starting out with a denim line and sunglasses before moving on to her own brand. The fashion world has embraced her as she has become a British designer celebrated world wide. Her aesthetic is very much about the woman's shape. Simple designs that highlight curves in all the right places - if I was a woman I would definitely covert all of her handbags.

My love for Victoria shows no sign of dying down. Everything she does she does with elegance and style. She has an amazing sense of humour - if you don't believe me than just watch her one off special 'Victoria Beckham: Coming to America' - she is hilarious. No she may not smile all the time, but she herself has said that she doesn't like her smile. If you don't like something about yourself wouldn't you make sure people don't get pictures of it? She is human after all. She is a mother of four and she looks like an amazing one at that - just this week she was photographed competing in her kids sports day. In my eyes she can do no wrong and also she never has so the haters should back off.  I hope one day to meet her, but I don't she would be too happy meeting a sweating, drooling hot mess.

My Model Army

As a Fashion Student I have fantasies about my first runway show or my first Look Book. I wonder who will wear my clothes (if they are ever chosen) in an editorial. So of course I compiled a list of faces I wouldn't mind doing them.

Coco Rocha
She is one of the best print models I have ever seen. She has been to known to do more than 60 poses in a minute. She isn't just a supermodel, she is superhuman.

Liu Wen
Just look at that face. She is beyond gorgeous. Her statuesque figure makes any clothes look good.

Jourdan Dunn
I have been a fan now for years. Her perfect face and body are one thing, but her personality would make any working day go a lot smoother and happier.

Naomi Campbell
The Queen of the Runway. Don't argue and throw other names at, there is no point. To have her at my show would be it, no one else need apply.

Lindsey Wixon
Those lips, the gap in the teeth and that forehead. She is beautiful. She rocks any runway and has become one of the fastest rising stars having only walked her first show in 2011.

Cara Delevingne
Definitley the model of the moment. Touted to be the next Kate Moss. She is quirky and looks amazing dressed up or dressed down.

Freja Beha Erichsen
Beautiful does not define what she is, she is so much more. I have loved her androgynous look for years, and those legs - my God.

Jessica Stam
I have being  huge fan of her work for years. For a long time she was my favourite model. Her eyes are everything and her innocent appearance is beautiful.

Ming Xi
The fashion world is starting to look at China. This model is leading the way in Chinese models. Absolutely stunning. The cheek bones and the jaw - oh!

Anais Mali
An absolutely gorgeous woman. Her eyes cut right through me. Her body is flawless and her face is perfection.

Death Becomes Her

I love horror movies. I really really do. I'm not 100% sure I have let people know this about me yet. My name is Craig and I am addicted to horror movies. The main reason is the death scenes. Its hard not to sound morbid, but I really enjoy them. I like the gore, the violence, the fighting, everything. Ironically I can't watch real life hospital shows - I'll watch a fake stabbing but I don't want to see a real one. The more interesting the death the better for me. I thought I would share 5 death scenes that really got my attention.

Psycho
Norman kills Marion
This is the death scene other death scenes are often compared to. For its time it was gory as hell. Blood was rarely seen in film, never mind a naked woman in a shower. The thing with this scene is that you don't see anything. You don't see the knife cut the skin and you don't see any body parts that should be kept private. Really you are as grossed out as much as your imagination will allow you. Shocking thing about this scene is that it was almost cut - because they did not allow a toilet to be shown on film back in the day, nothing to do with the brutal murder.

Scream
Ghostface kills Tatum
Out of the 40 odd death scenes in the franchise this will no doubt be one that people remember. Tatum first of all doesn't even believe Ghostface is Ghostface, then he cuts her arm and she then quickly realises. So she makes her escape - the only way out that she can find is the doggy door. So off she goes - obviously not the brightest crayon in the box, she is not the size of a dog. She of course gets stuck, Ghostface decides to lift the door, death quickly follows. This was a very imaginative way to kill someone and I am sure started out as some sick joke in a production meeting.

American Psycho
Patrick kills the prostitute
This movie is brilliant. A great portrayal of someone who just snaps, and no one even notices. There are quite a few great scenes but for me one sticks out. The prostitute manages to escape the evil grasp of Patrick Bateman, and runs away and down some stairs. I don't know if we were supposed to believe it to be some great mathematical skill or just plain luck, but Patrick drops a chainsaw down the stairwell and it meets the prostitute at the bottom. Amazing death scene.

Final Destination
Death kills Ashley and Ashlyn
Not the best film from the franchise but definitely the best death scene - as in it has stuck with me ever since. Basically they get killed by the sunbeds. It scares me because I have a small phobia of small confined places, so to imagine being trapped in one whilst it slowly burns your skin is a hell I don't want to experience. (I once did go to a sunbed place but used the standing one - I didn't tan but I was itchy for a week after, I think I'm pale for life) This scene is brilliant, its so horrible to watch and you know what is going to happen but you can't not watch. I wouldn't be surprised if some tanning salons lost some business for a while after that.

Saw
All the deaths
Saw is the King of death scenes. They have every type imaginable. You got a phobia, they will show you how it can kill you. Its hard to pick one or even a top 10, I tried and I just kept remembering more and more. The deaths get more and more extreme as the movies go on. The worst ones for me are ones that show skin being stretched, either by hooks or being glued to a car seat. Also watching people dismember themselves gets me feeling a bit weird.

The Heat - A Review

So I thought I would have a go at writing my first movie review. I picked The Heat directed by Paul Feig and starring Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy; two of my favourite actresses/people in Hollywood. Bullock stars as Special Agent Sarah Ashburn, an uptight FBI agent (very similar to the character in Miss Congeniality until those beauty queens warmed her heart). McCarthy stars as Det. Shannon Mullins, a foul mouthed Boston Police Officer. They are brought together to bring down a drugs lord, Ashburn is promised a promotion if she can work with Mullins and Mullins is very protective of her city and family; its very much two worlds colliding.

There have been a lot of buddy cop movies, (Lethal Weapon, Bad Boys and Rush Hour for example) but never with two female leads. A lot of elements of these macho movies are within The Heat, the oil-and-water-relationship, the violence, the language and some explosions - but this film does something different. It has to as it is two women. There is very much an emotional undercurrent as we watch these two women who are very committed to their jobs also struggle with the loneliness that comes with picking a career over families and relationships.

There is a certain formula that comes with these films so this film can be very predictable, however don't let this put you off. Mixed with in what you expect there are some hilarious scenes. With out spoiling anything I will just mention Spanx and a tracheotomy. This film could easily have been acted by men. The roles are pretty genderless, I applaud the director and producers for picking females, especially actresses of a certain age that are unfortunately looked over.

So to recap it is a very predictable movie but with a little something special thrown in. Bullock and McCarthy have an amazing chemistry and I will always watch their films, together of apart. I feel if it wasn't a cop comedy they did then it would have been some Bridesmaids knock off.  I am so happy they finally joined forces. This movie is funny (the drunk scene will be talked about for years), light-hearted and easy to follow - a perfect film if all you want to do is sit back and be entertained. Also the soundtrack is pretty stellar with the likes of Azealia Banks, Angel Haze, Santigold and Kreayshawn.

The Spoken Word

One of my favourite things to watch on YouTube are Spoken Word videos. Basically what they are are poems been read out. They are so much more than that though. These young adults have a lot to say. Some speak about social issues, some are comical and some are personal. They speak with such passion about their topics and they really make you think. Some I agree with and some make me uncomfortable - but that is the point I think. It makes you uncomfortable because someone is finally saying what you have been thinking. Below I will post some of my favourites. My favourite Spoken Word artist is Kai Davis, she speaks so eloquently and passionately that you can't help but sit and listen.

Gone But Never Forgotten

It is weird how a death of someone that you don't actually know can affect you. It can feel like losing a friend, and to some people a love of their life. I have never been that attatched to celebrity death but I can understand some people; Michael Jackson for example was everything to a lot of people. Some deaths did affect me in a weird way.

Amy Winehouse
Her death was a complete shock for me. I was convinced she was going to get healthy again and everything would be hunky-dory. The day I found out I was generally upset. I loved both of her albums and was craving for more.

Lisa Lopez
I was quite young when she died. I hadn't experienced much death when I was that age. I was/am a huge fan of TLC. They didn't really get big in the UK until 'Waterfalls' was released. All four of their albums are still on my iTunes and listened to sometimes. She was a huge talent and I hope one day unreleased tracks are found so a new generation can experience her talent.

Brittany Murphy
She was one of my favourite actresses. I literally loved everything she did. I remember watching her in 'Clueless' and I was in awe. My favourite role of hers was in 'Drop Dead Gorgeous', she was absolutely hilarious and a huge talent. I feel she was stolen from us, she had so much more to give.

Aaliyah
Again I was really young when I was told she had died. Again it was huge shocker. It was a freak accident. She wasn't hugely well known in England, but I knew about her; especially because of her roles in 'Romeo Must Die' and 'Queen of the Damned'. I will always be proud of us Brits for getting her to number one after she died. I thought the tribute video that was done for her was absolutely beautiful. Check it out below.

The Real Women of Disney

Well aren't these ladies all grown up? One thing these girls all have in common is that they are huge Disney stars. They have all had their own Disney Movies, TV Shows and record deals. There seems to be a formula when it comes to breeding the next star. They need to be actresses, singers and dancers. Triple threats. They become hugely popular with children and make millions for Disney. Then they grow up - and they completely detach themselves from the mouse ears. Here is a list of my top 5 Women of Disney's past.

1. Hilary Duff
She was the first, the original and the best. She starred as Lizzie McGuire in the TV show and then the movie. She also had other made for TV movies such as Cadet Kelly. After the movie she left Lizzie behind. Since then she has had 4 albums and three compilation albums, starred in films such as Cheaper by the Dozen and had bit parts in TV shows like Two and a Half Men. Also she is the first to have a baby and get married. I love Hilary. I want her to do more stuff - but for now I will just enjoy her hugely popular Instagram profile.

2. Raven Symone
Star of That's So Raven. The funniest show to come from Disney in my opinion. She also starred in 2 Cheetah Girls Movies (both very entertaining). Since she left Disney she has done bits and pieces. I really enjoyed her sitcom, State of Georgia, but like all the shows I like it eventually got cancelled. She is now a star on Broadway in the musical Sister Act, I desperately need to see this.

3. Miley Cyrus
The Queen of Disney. Her show and movie for Hannah Montana was huge! She got world famous and had hit songs in every chart. She was a phenomenon and you can't even argue with the fact. Since leaving Disney she has probably had the biggest transformation. She has targeted a much older crowd than the tweens she entertained for years. Gone are the lovely locks of hair and say hello to tattoos and punky blonde hair. I personally like her new music and her transformation. She seemed trapped with Hannah and I think now she doesn't give a shit and she is just being Miley.

4. Selena Gomez
The beautiful and talented star of Wizards of Waverley Place. She is an amazing comic actress. She also did the movie for TV show. Not as good but she then did one more season of the show so all was forgiven. She hasn't officially left the brand as she just did a TV movie and brought her character back. However, when not working for Disney she is doing more grown up stuff. Spring Breakers was definitely a huge detachment and her music is more grown up and more suitable for the clubs than a quinceanera.

5. Demi Lovato
Demi started out in a Disney movie called Camp Rock and her voice shocked us all. For such a young lady her voice is very mature. She then got her own show called Sonny With A Chance. It wasn't great but it showcased her skills. Unfortunately through personal struggles she left the show and Disney. After getting healthy she has now become a judge on The X Factor and released number one albums. If I was to listen to any former Disney Stars music it would most definitely be hers.

Right now we have a new generation of Disney stars coming through. I don't watch Disney anymore but you can't ignore the power house of it. Ones to watch out for are Bridget Mendler, China McClain, Zendaya and  Bella Thorne - they already have their own shows and record deals - world beware.

Two for the price of One

I love been a twin. It makes me a bit different than the next person - and I always have an answer to the dreaded question 'Tell me something about yourself I don't know' in interviews. No, I know its not interesting but it keeps a conversation going 'Are you identical?', 'Who is the oldest?' and 'Do you feel eachother's pain?' - I can tell you're intrigued; the answers are no, her and no.

Me and my twin sister are what you call Fraternal Twins. Basically we were 2 different eggs. We are no different from any other brother and sister; it just so happens that we shared a womb for 9 months (wombmates if you will). However there is a huge bond there. We have shared everything our entire lives, no one knows me better and there is no one that will ever be as close or as special to me. If I could get deep for a second; there is a like an invisible rope that connects us. Aslong as she is on the other end I know I will always be okay. The rope is indestructible and no one will ever break it. Its like having a best friend and an enemy all in one person. We share and know everything about eachother - this can be dangerous. A twin's arguement will get deep as we know how to upset eachother the most.

One thing I will regret about our twinage is that we didn't cash in on it. There are so many twins that are famous as they work together. We do have a disadvantage as we are not identical though - so maybe there wouldn't be too much money in it. My favourite twins ever will always be the Olsens - this is because I love fashion as do they. The Mowry twins are another particular favourite - Sister Sister was epic. Lately the Viktor twins have turned into favourites. They star in The Bad Girls Club; they may get nasty and viscous but there is no denying their bond - they will have each other's back's until they die. Just like me and Tri.

Office Fashion Wars

Once Upon a Time I quit university. It got too stressful and seriously made me doubt my choices in life. So I then went and got a 'real' job. I worked in a call centre for one of Britain's leading phone retailers. I lasted 3 months. I never passed the training and it made me miserable. It was the push I needed to go back to university. I am not putting down anyone that works in a call centre - some of my former colleagues were amazing at the job - I was just not one of those people. Every insult I got I took personal and I constantly felt like a failure (I was often convinced of this as we had score cards - mine was red all the time).

One of the major thing that annoyed me was the office dress code. I didn't see the point of it as no one could see us - we were a call centre. When I got the job I had to go out and buy an office wardrobe. Suits and ties (not in a sexy Justin Timberlake way). Suddenly all the clothes I liked were now my after work clothes. It sucked because I only feel comfortable in any situation if I am wearing an outfit I like. One of the things that annoyed the most about office dress was the gender difference. Men are all wearing suits, ties and trousers with a line pressed down the middle - so limiting. Then the female gender would walk in and they could literally wear anything they want. On the dress code for them all that was asked of them were no open toes, no shorts and no leggings - that was it. They could wear any outfit of choice. The men are a sea of blue, black, brown and grey. The women wear any colour, any style and any shoes they pleased.

This isn't anger, its more jealousy. As a lover of fashion I am very aware of the huge choice women have compared to their male counterparts. I am not saying I want to wear booty shorts and a tube top; I just wish there were more options for men that are socially accepted. In an office the only time we get to have a bit of fun is with a funky tie. I hate ties so I wasn't going to spend a butt load at Tie Rack. I think men look amazing in a suit, sometimes there is nothing sexier - I am not one of these men. It makes me uncomfortable, fidgety and the tie feels like a noose.

So to all the male fashion designers, lets get you're heads together and design some pieces that men can wear in an office and not break any rules. Cheers.